@brotherly-advice / brotherly-advice.tumblr.com
Hey guys,
Can you help us by sharing this fundraiser? We're a collective of black trans women from Cali-Colombia, this is one of the most violent and transphobic cities in Colombia, where we are most murdered and persecuted. That is why we want to have our own community house to support each other and more trans people to be safe.
https://fundrazr.com/Transhelp7
Paypal.me/transhelp
Instagram: @en_poder_arte
This is a really helpful suggestion if you find yourself taking some time to adjust to someone’s new pronouns/name!
Even almost 4 years after coming out, my parents are still in denial about me being trans and won’t let me do anything to transition. They hate even letting me shop in the men’s section at the clothing store. I also get a lot of chest dysphoria and I just feel really hopeless about it all, do you know any way I can stop feeling like I’m never gonna be able to be myself?
It's not easy when you can't be yourself but you will get where you want to be. You won't live with your parents forever, try plan where you want to go with your life and set little goals that can get you there. Even if it's a few years down the road there's a lot to prepare! If is safe to do so keep the conversation going with your parents, maybe try find some websites that can help them understand. Also if there are any support groups in your area it's always great to have that extra support from people who understand!
If you need anything we are here to help, I know it can feel hopeless sometimes but you can get through this!!
-Louie
I started T about a month and a week . I signed up using Plume (an awesome alternative if you don’t have insurance) . I was curious if anyone has experienced a mild swelling around the ankle area. I asked my provider and was told it was probably water retention and that it’s a possible side effect . I was also told I was okay because I don’t have any shortness of breath or rapid heart beat. I am just curious if anyone has had this happen and if there are any remedies or tips to help with this?
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Hey, I've never really heard of this but generally for swelling around ankles you should try keep them elevated. If you're just sitting down then put your feet up and keep them above your heart, same when you're sleeping keeping your feet raised can help! Also if it's painful then ibuprofen is good for swelling pains, just be careful taking pain killers!
I'm sure it'll go away soon, but if it doesn't stay in contact with your provider and get advise with what to do! Hope this helps
-Louie
1 year post top surgery!
I can't believe that I'm already a year post op!
I had surgery in Hull with Mr Kneeshaw on 27.11.2019. Recovery was pretty smooth, I was back to work after 6 weeks off and things seemed to heal quickly.
I've used bio oil on my scars on and off for 10 months and I think it made my scars a lot more flat than they were before.
I'm still hoping to have revision surgery on my dog ears, but since Covid has hit most nine emergency surgeries have been canceled, I didn't even have a 6 month appointment. But I don't mind waiting for that!
I am so so happy with my chest and I just can't believe that I've made it so far in my journey. Life is actually treating me pretty well!
-Louie
(Image description: three queer pride flags and a genderqueer pride flag with the words "queer people deserve to be heard in lgbtq+ spaces" centered in white and black text.)
yo, if you're non-binary and use he/him and she/her pronouns (and not they/them), you're fantastic and I love you.
I've been dreaming and hoping for top surgery and I always see other trans guys worried about nipple placement, healing ect. Is it even necessary to have the nippled regraphted? Would it be That weird to not have nipples? Idk.
A lot of folx choose no nipples! For healing or aesthetic reasons. You also have the option to tattoo on nips later if that's the route you want to take. Totally up to you!
-Mas
Not gonna lie, its been a long time since I've sent you all an ask. I've turned 18 now and am 2 years on T and had topsurgery in February and I think im prepared for pretty much everything that comes except for well, any sort of pelvic exam. I don't get much bottom dysphoria, but idk if thats something I could handle if I went in alone. To any of your knowledge, do youknow if they allow company that is not family?
Depends on where you go. Planned parenthood never lets anyone in the room with me, regardless of relation. My hysto surgeon let someone come in with me. Rules might have changed due to covid but that's something you could call and ask about!
-Mas
i’m pre-T and starting college next month... do you have any tips or insight or anything about socially transitioning / being out before being able to transition medically? thank you, i love your blog and it’s such a helpful resource!
I was out for 3 years of college but didn't start my medical transition until senior year due to sports reasons. Get your name changed on all your official registration stuff and tell your professors from day 1 what your name is. Even if it's not legally changed they should have a way to put your preferred name in the system so emails and all that jazz is correct. Best bet would be registrar or an office similar to that. Other than that just do what makes you feel comfortable. Men's clothes, binder, packer, men's deodorant, haircut. Any combination of steps you want to take. Join some clubs, make some friends and enjoy your college experience. You get to be exactly who you want to be. Use this as a fresh start and everything will be great 👌
-Mason
Hey, I don't think this blog is too active anymore, but I still figured I'd send this ask. I also want to mention that this is a really personal subject/mentions things that could cause dysphoria so I get if it cannot be answered. I'm a trans guy who has never been to a gynecologist. Since I recently turned 21, I'm supposed to go to one and do a pap smear but I really don't want to as I'm worried it will hurt and cause dysphoria. Have any of you gotten this done? If yes, how did it impact you?
I've gotten a pap and had a couple general pelvic exams. It's not fun but not as bad as I had played out in my head. It's quick. It was painless for me. And what helped the most was to remember that paps aren't only distressful to trans men, cis women also don't enjoy it. And I'm not trying to lump trans men and cis women together, I just found it helpful to remind myself that the experience wasn't bad because of dysphoria, it's just not the most fun thing to do. But it's important. It's important for your health and just one of those things to shrug at and get it over with. I also found it helpful to remember that the doctor literally will not remember the experience at all. So good luck. Let yourself feel your feelings but it will be over so quick. And treat yourself to ice cream or a movie or whatever you like afterwards
-Mason
(cw for discussions of genitalia) I’m a trans man who hasn’t started T yet but plans to. I know bottom growth enlarges the clitoris, and the clitoris is analogous to a penis, so I’m wondering whether it’d be physically possible to get circumcised after enough bottom growth occurred?
Hey! I have never heard of anyone doing this. but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be possible.. I would just depend if you could find a doctor that would do it I think.
Any followers know anything about this?
-Louie
I'm someone who definitely does not want scars due to my history with abuse, trauma and self harm but I totally get what you and others are talking about with the identity and being proud of the journey. Scars are not signs of some nefarious thing, that is something I personally am trying to come to terms with. My doctor recommended against peri because of my size but I don't believe he is being sincere with me because I am very small, I can pass without wearing a binder.
A lot of people associate their scars with their past traumas, and that can be really difficult to get through. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting scars from top surgery! If you can, could you get a different doctor’s opinion? I know that some doctors are more willing to do peri on larger chests than others so it could just be that. It’s always worth asking!
And if you do have to go with DI there are lots of ways to make your scars almost disappear. I use bio oil and it has made my scars look a lot better, and I’v seen results from bio oil that have made the scars almost none existent. If you see Noah Finnace (youtube), his scars aren’t noticeable at all after using bio oil!
-Louie
I'm gonna have to go with DI (or, if I can find a surgeon who does it, Inverted-T/Anchor*) cuz I'm a 38 DDD/F, but I get what you mean about the scars. I want to pass as a guy, obviously, but I don't want to go stealth. I have multiple tattoos, including one trans-related one and plans for another post top surgery. I kind of think of the scars as another mark of my identity as a trans man *I want the anchor incision cuz I'm a bit fearful the nipple grafts not taking plus the ⚓ scars look dope af
The T/Anchor top surgery does give you good scars! I didn’t think I would be the only one that wanted the scars, everyone has a very different experience with being trans!! If you do your research then I’m sure you will find a good surgeon that does the surgery that you want! Good luck with it all!!
-Louie
Do you (or any of your other followers) have advice for getting United healthcare to cover gender related surgeries like top and hyst? I'm having a hard time and the insurance ppl aren't being helpful
Hey! I am from the UK so have never had to deal with insurance sorry!
Any followers?
-Louie
Just saw that you were 6 months post op from kneeshaw, the scars are healing well. I had a Skype consult with kneeshaw and I told him I was hoping I'd be eligible for peri but if not I'd be happy with DI. What made you decide on DI over peri? I've never had surgery before so was unsure if my scars will heal well or not.
Hey! I chose DI mainly because I wants the scars. I know it might sound weird to other people but I identify as a trans guy, not a guy, and I like the reminder of who I was, and what I’ve been through. (I know this is different for many people)
I also thought that, for me, the results were better/more what I wanted from surgery.
If your get okayed for peri then it is entirely up to you, I know there are a lot of pros to having peri, like faster recovery, a more ‘cic passing’ chest and so on. If you’re struggling to decide make a pros and cons list just for yourself, add every little thing you can think of, even if it seems silly. Also talk to Mr kneeshaw about it, he is very good at answering questions and maybe he will give you some insight into it!
i hope it all goes well for you!!
-Louie
Are dogears preventable? Do you need to get more surgery to get rid of them? D:
Not everyone gets them, as far as I know it’s not that common. It mainly depends on your body type really, no one can predict what affect it will have on your body! You do have to have a second surgery to get rid of them, but it is no where near as dramatic as the first surgery. The surgery generally takes about half an hour and you are not put under anesthetic, only general anesthetic is used. The recovery time is a lot faster too, maybe only a couple of weeks util you feel back to normal!
There are always risks when having surgery, and this is one of them. But it is correctable so it’s not the worst thing to happen!
-Louie
To the person asking about where to go to look for surgeons- there is an amazing Facebook group called FTM Top Surgery Support Group (or something like that. The banner is yellow, last I saw. Deleted fb off my phone a while back so I can’t check rn, but it’s v popular so it shouldn’t be too hard to find). It was the most helpful resource I found, you can search it for you state/area, and there will be people who have said who they went to most likely. It’s private, but that’s for overall safety
Thank you!
I can't believe I'm already 6 months post op! I am so happy with the results!
Because of lockdown my 6 month apointment was cancled which sucks bc I wanted to talk to Mr Kneeshaw about revision surgery for my dog ears. But I don't mind the wait, they don't bother me too much!
I have been using Bio Oil on my scars for a few months now and it is definitely helping with the feel of the scars, when you press them you can't even tell that they are there. The left scar has faded a lot more than the right, but that makes sense since the right side had to be operated on twice. Hopefully they will even out soon as it is very noticable.
I still have quite a bit of numbness in my chest, especially my nipples and the bit between my nipples and my scars. I'm slowly getting used to the feeling but it still makes me cringe if anyone else touches my chest which isn't ideal. Hopefully I will get over that soon!
If anyone wants to talk to me about my experience with top surgery feel free to private message me!
This blog isn’t as active as it used to be, both from admins and followers.
I was wondering if there is different social media platform you guys would benefit from as well as Tumblr. If there is enough interest I could start up somewhere else, like Instagram or Facebook.
Comment on this post if you want to see brotherly-advice somewhere else!
-Louie
