Honestly if you want justification for why it’s important that English/Language Arts teachers make you break down exactly why a given sentence made you feel a given way, the fact that it’s now a point of basic political literacy to be able to tell when a headline is trying to make you angry, and at whom, and about what, is a pretty strong case in point.

#When will I ever need to use this in real life?#every time you read the news#every time you read a historical article or watch a documentary#notice how you’re being manipulated

Internalized ableism (TW!!) isn't always obvious. To the disabled person, it can just seem like logical thinking, mixed with societal standards.

- its just the second floor, and its not that bad. I shouldnt need the elevator, and how else am i gonna gain the stamina to do so if i dont practice??

- If I were to go to the disability office and ask for accomodations, id basically be giving up so why bother?

- its so stupid that im this out of breath from walking just to the library

- you know who really has it bad? People with cancer. I should be ashamed

- i dont need a rolling backpack, imagine what people would think?

- i dont need a mobility aid, i just need to try harder

- i dont need a tutor i just need to try harder

- i dont need a therapist or all these doctor appointments

- im fine.

I had a professor in college who used to start solving every problem with the same dialogue.

Proff: What’s the first step to solving any problem? Class: Don’t panic. Proff: And why is that? Class: Because we know more than we think we do.

I think about that a lot tbh. It didn’t occur to me until much later that he meant for us to apply that dialogue outside of the classroom to any problem. Because we always know more than we think we do. We are all an amalgam of random information that ends up being relevant with surprising frequency.

sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.

“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.

“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.

when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.

if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.

you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.

This is the most carefully-nuanced discussion of this I think I have ever seen. Thank you for writing this.

Do you support gender non-conforming men when they don't exist for your entertainment? When it isn't the shock-and-awe, punk "irony" of smeared lipstick and a beard, or the polished showmanship of drag? Do you support the GNC men whose femininity isn't a joke? Or do you feel on some level that men are only entitled to femininity if it's strictly a performance? Do you still expect feminine men to uphold traditional masculinity to be respected? Are you only allowing these men to exist as caricatures?

Do you support gender non-conforming women when they don't appeal to your aesthetics? When it isn't meticulously tailored suits and expensive haircuts? Do you support the GNC women who can't afford or don't want to be "dapper" or fashionable? Or do you feel on some level that women are only entitled to masculinity so long as they're still "making an effort"? Do you still expect masculine women to uphold traditional femininity to be respected? Do you still think women exist to be looked at?

Are you genuinely unlearning sexist rhetoric and dismantling gender expectations, or are you just enforcing it in ways you're unable to recognize because you've tricked yourself into thinking your community is too woke and clever to fall victim to it?

I can tell that my professor doesn’t have ADHD.

I just told my dad and brother about this and my dad said “But you do control your own motivation?” and my brother recoiled in horror so you can probably guess which one of them has ADHD

Motivation is a rare and passing favour granted by the stars. An elusive wind that comes and goes in its own time

Who…who controls their own motivation??

Neurotypicals, allegedly.

Wait.. people can control their motivation???

Allegedly.

Wack.

@ neurotypicals: IS THIS TRUE???????? CAN YOU JUST LIKE…. TURN IT ON AND OFF?????????????????

y’all please remember your parent’s being abused by their parents does not excuse what they did to you, even if it “wasnt as bad” as whatever they went through. your dad getting hit as a kid did not give him the right to scream at you till you cried and just because he didn’t hit you doesn’t mean it wasnt also abuse. your mom invading your privacy and betraying your trust in her and trying to get you to do things out of guilt for her lost childhood is still abuse. you are not responsible for fixing something you had no part in causing and im sorry anyone ever made you feel that way.

This is so fucking important

I always knew bisexuality isnt 50/50. I always knew i liked girls more. Im just questioning if my attraction to guys was actually real or something i was subconsciously forcing myself to think. Id feel more comfortable knowing my label.

fucking RELATABLE

not killing myself is a personal achievement but you cant really brag about that at dinner parties

Why is it our job as disabled people to educate our doctors on our conditions and tell the what medication, treatments and specialist referrals we need? Why do we have to research information before seeing a doctor if we want the right help? With the amount they’re paid shouldn’t they do their own damn research?

OMG THIS! WHAT OTHER PROFESSION WORKS LIKE THIS?  If you don’t know the answer, it’s your job to research it after I leave. And why do I have to come in and spring my information on you?  Why can’t I email you LIKE ANY OTHER PROFESSIONAL and say, I need to see you about this vitamin d research, AND THEN HAVE YOU RESEARCH IT AND BE PREPARED WHEN I WALK INTO MY APPOINTMENTS.

I don’t understand how they get away with this.  If it were any other professional, it would be unacceptable.  If you went to a lawyer and they were like, welp, I don’t know exactly about that but here’s my bill.  Come back when you have more information on what statutes I should look into, THAT LAWYER WOULD NOT HAVE A JOB!

the best part is we also have to pander to them. 

don’t use too many technical/medical terms - you’re a hypochondriac or you have munchausen’s, no legitimately ill/disabled person could possibly do extensive research. don’t make them feel inferior or ignorant - if you get on their bad side, your entire health care could be compromised. don’t get frustrated when they don’t know something - that’ll make them feel ignorant, see previous. 

we simultaneously have to be up to date on all the latest information re: conditions, symptoms, possible causes, etc, while letting our doctors feel like they’re doing a Good Job. 

Full offense, Doctors don’t deserve the pay they get. They don’t.

Omg this.

It’s really scary that getting healthcare often depends on how well you balance pandering to them and presenting them the information. 

Never trust a doctor who gets frustrated with you for doing your own research.

This user believed everything their abuser said.

I think one of the most dangerous things about the ana community for me is how kind it is. 

In some way, all of us probably suffered some kind of trauma or suffered through a toxic relationship with someone. For me it leads me to being shy, soft-spoken, non-confrontational, enduring. I’m used to having to deal with pain on my own that the thought of complaining about something out loud, or confronting someone about how they’re hurting me is so alien. I can’t call people out on rude behaviour, I can’t say mean things to someone and I can’t defend myself. My past has turned me into a bully’s ideal victim.

Because a lot of people in the ana community are like this, its so easy to fit in. To find others that are so critical of themselves but wouldn’t dare say a bad thing to someone else. I also want to make clear that I don’t mean to say that we are better, or that this is at all a good thing.

I interact with and see so many supportive people, so many positive vibes despite the large negativity inside us. 

Eating disorders have been romanticised, by ourselves, because its so much easier to cope that way. Rather than dealing with realities ugliness, you picture it into something beautiful. And in our lives there are people or concepts that have made us feel that we weren’t good enough. My mum makes me feel like I can’t do anything right, and unless I’m perfect I can’t gain her love. My teachers criticise me on not trying hard enough for the best grade. Even before ana my life was filled with so much perfectionism and aches to reach an unattainable goal. 

The message still rings in my head; I see no limit to perfect, the ladder keeps getting higher and higher. 

I’m not beautiful enough

I’m not thin enough

I’m not smart enough

I’m not motivated enough

I’m not fashionable enough

I’m not kind enough

I’m not funny enough

I’m not happy enough

I’m not relaxed enough

its always ringing and ringing and I feel my peers’ hateful, envious glances.

I’m not good enough, but I’m better than them. In some way I know my grades are above average, my looks are a bit above average and whilst I’m no near close enough to being skinny my wrists, thighs and tummy and smaller than hers. 

Outside of Tumblr theres so much screaming, so many insults and all either thrown at me or people around me. Its so chaotic and I can’t force a smile at someone without them criticising me. I can’t give someone a compliment without them throwing it back at me, claiming I was being sarcastic and what a bitch I look. 

And honestly it scares me, everytime someone raises their voice or casts an annoyed sneer or raises their arms slightly I flinch and I’m terrified and I wonder “What have I messed up this time? What’s wrong with me? How can I please them? How can I undo what I did wrong?”

Reality is getting so violent right now. Maybe one day I’ll learn to cope with it and face my fears…but for now I think I’ll stay tucked in this safe, cozy space filled with kind words and pretty images 🌸

When looking at the arithmetic of social policy and anti-poverty measures, you’ll find that there’s a certain point where it’s actually more expensive for public budgets to deny welfare benefits to people, whether because of the administrative costs of testing and rules, or because of the externality costs of things like higher crime rates, hospitalizations, etc. There’s a number of cases where, when faced with A.) spending less money to help more people or B.) spending more money to help less people, United States policy chooses to spend extra money in order to help less

— Halsey (via thoughtkick)

I want to be thin but I’d be ok with dying in the process. I was never meant to be alive. Ever since I was young all I have wanted to do I sleep and never wake up.

— Madness, Marya Hornbacher

Leelah Alcorn’s blog was deleted and posts about her are being removed. Don’t stop spreading this. Reblog everything you can, post everything you can. 

These are her pictures

here are some of her drawings

this is her note

Don’t let this die.

Not this.

I don’t give a flying fart what type of blog you have, this is relevant for everyone.

This is absolutely something everyone needs to read

REBLOGGING.

I never knew about this…..

Please reblog this, don’t let it die, please

I’m reblogging this because it’s important and people need to see this.

Hello reblogging this because it’s important and people need to see this, I’m Dad!

Dad^bot^1. Disappointing each other includes you. | PayPal | Patreon Beep-boop!

Please don’t let this get lost in the ocean of bullshit that is tumblr. Leelah deserved better.

This needs to be shared. Parents, you may not agree with some of your kid’s choices but don’t keep them from making them if it isn’t hurting them.

This needs to get more notes. She deserves more recognition

Her parents killed her…

She deserved better.

This is fucking important.

i want to look sick, not precious. i want to look sharp and tired because that’s the reality

(TW: numbers - weight, calories)

You know that thing people do when they're talking about eating disorders in a generalized, abstract way and they cite an exaggeratedly low weight or calorie count as an example of what they're saying?

Like, "You'll be 75 lbs and still want to lose weight." Or, "It starts out skipping a meal here and there, then suddenly you're eating 200 calories a day."

Can we cut that shit out?

Mentioning numbers at all can be triggering, but this context in particular seems to result in exaggeration, which is supremely unhelpful. I was severely underweight at my sickest and my weight was still well above the numbers people always seem to associate with anorexia. This made--and still makes--me feel like I wasn't "sick enough," when in reality, I was very, very ill.

Some people with eating disorders reach 75 lbs. Some reach 115 lbs. Some reach 155 lbs. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. There is no magical weight you must reach to have an ED.

Some people with eating disorders eat 200 calories. Some people with eating disorders eat 800 calories. Some people with eating disorders eat 1400 calories. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. There is no magical limit you must set to have an ED.

⬆️ ALL of these people are sick and they ALL deserve help, because they have an ED. None of them are any less eating disordered just because their weight or behaviors may not have reached the worst possible extreme. So can we stop jumping to the worst possible extreme every time we talk about eating disorders?

I feel the same way about anorexia shock pieces, BTW. It's the kind of sensationalist journalism where they'll write about an extreme case of anorexia (almost never bulimia, because for some ridiculous reason, AN-R gets all the attention), detailing the affected individual's behaviors, listing their stats, and showing graphic images of their body just to get a rise out of the reader. It's even in the headline: "22-year-old anorexic woman weighs just x lbs!"

Guess what? Contrary to what those shock pieces would have us believe, the vast majority of eating disorder cases do not look like an emaciated cisgender white girl with AN-R who can hardly stand. Once again:

Can we stop jumping to the worst possible extreme every time we talk about eating disorders?

Because as we all know, eating disorders are highly competitive. When someone uses numbers while giving an example of an ED--whether it's a generic hypothetical or a specific case--any eating disordered person listening will immediately want to "beat" that. They'll compare themselves and feel "less sick" if they can't match an exaggerated number. You all know this, because you can relate.

So let's cut it out, okay? Before mentioning numbers in terms of weight/calories/etc., ask yourself if you really need to, or if it's just going to trigger someone--and definitely avoid exaggeration or sensationalism.

And always remember: if you're comparing yourself to this sort of thing, it's likely an exaggerated oversimplification of eating disorders as a whole. No matter how much you weigh, no matter how much you eat, if you're struggling with your relationship to food and your body, you deserve help. Period. There is no such thing as "not sick enough." I promise.

I love you. Take care of yourself. ❤️

-Mod Lia

Having an eating disorder is like being in between two people arguing, screaming at the top of their lungs and doing whatever the person who is screaming louder says.