I don't know.

me: *gets settled into bed*

my bladder:

oh my god I’m crying with laughter. My idiot sons

everyone please look at my pidgeottos

friend: are you okay? me: *trying out coffins* why do you ask?

all i want is tattoos and to be hot as fuck

imagine youre sitting next to your dog watching TV and he says exactly one clearly pronounced word in English and you freak the fuck out and he literally never does it again 

Look at all those ducks there are at least ten

Well, you’re not wrong.

UNMUTE PLEASE

no way this is 6 seconds only

6 seconds of pure beauty

I’m on the verge of crying

I hate waitressing by Sarah Schauer

don’t try to tell me that hungry is not an emotion because i feel that shit in my soul

Today I shut my cat in the fridge.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  Tali loves the fridge.  I don’t know why, but every single time we open it, she bolts for it and jumps in.  She crawls into the back of the fridge and nestles int the smallest little corner she can.  Now naturally, my biggest fear has been that I’ll close the fridge without knowing she’s in there.  And of course, today I went to go grab my Brita filter to pour myself some water.  I wasn’t really watching the fridge, and I just opened and closed it really quickly to put the Brita back while I was looking somewhere else.  And then I looked around and realized that Tali had been in the kitchen, and now she was nowhere in sight.  So immediately, I throw open the fridge door, and there is is, hanging out in the back, content as can be.

Fridge cat just got weirder.  Today Tali got into the bathroom while I was showering, which of course made me a little nervous.  I didn’t want her to freak out and hurt herself or go on a scratching spree.  But evidently she loves water, so she jumped in and just splashed around for a while and got back out.  But then she kept whining to get back in, so my boyfriend put a cooler down so she could get in and out with ease, which she took great advantage of.  She’s soaking wet now, and very content.  

I told Tali she was famous.  She and her stuffed husky celebrated.

This is the kind of content I joined for

Can Tali and I hang out sometime

Europeans when they found “new” land

I don’t understand why some Christians promote abstinence as a form of birth control when it didn’t even work for Mary.

I really shouldn’t be laughing right now.

story time: so i grew up in an abstinence-first education state where everything ended with “abstinence is the only form of contraception that is 100% effective” and my best friend gave a presentation on contraception where the last slide was just a picture of the virgin mary that said “abstinence is 99.99% effective” and she almost got kicked out of class

i wish self doubt burned calories

Video

fuck man

In case you weren’t convinced that hating yourself is a learned behavior

Physical shame comes from parents, teachers, media, and peers. It’s not something you’re born with. You were born naked, wonderful, and gorgeous, and no one should make another being feel as if that wasn’t, and isn’t true.

This made me cry

when your shift is over but the customer keeps talking

Terry crews needs to live forever

Jesus

at this rate he’s gonna

i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying

“oh no my potato”