anyways the tipping discourse is still wild to me because like. just. step back from the online theoretical discourse for a minute. take my hand and join me in our practical reality.
when you tip your server, they are paid the amount they were told they would be paid when they accepted the position. they are being paid the amount they rely upon to carry out their basic plans RE: securing food, water, shelter, and other necessities for themselves.
is this a fair wage? probably not! should it be on you, the (also likely underpaid) customer to do this? also no!!
but this is what your choice impacts. if you choose not to tip your server, they do not receive money that they were counting on, and you did that. the people underpaying them also did that, but you made that choice knowing the impact it would have, and you are culpable even if you did not personally design the circumstances you made your decision under.
we talk about the ethics of stealing in the context of big corporations that can afford to be stolen from (and often don't actually lose anything when it happens anyway, because. insurance. and losses they already calculated and planned for), but these are not big corporations with massive untouchable buffers.
these are people, just like you. when you do not tip them, you are stealing directly from them, the person, the individual human who was counting on that money. not the business.
when you don't tip, it doesn't matter the reason; obviously it's not praxis, but I have also seen people argue that you shouldn't have to tip if you can't afford it.
if you can't afford food, you may be justified in stealing from someone who can afford the loss in order to meet that need. but you are not justified in stealing food from someone who is struggling just as hard as you, and you are not justified in deciding whether that individual deserves to eat as much as you do.
it sucks that businesses have placed you and the server in a position where your theft impacts only the individual server you're taking from, but until that changes, you need to fucking tip.
if you can't afford the cost of the meal + tips, you can't afford the meal.