just found out that if i stay in my room all the time my life will eventually shrink to the size of it and i will lose all memory of how to function as a person. shocked & upset
my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”
i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone
policygal
If you don’t reblog cauliflower granddad, then you’re just a mean person.
blackandmildwithgod
If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars
coleevarts
Need my $10
coleevarts
Guys i literally just got tipped $10 at work
m-b-bockelman
I aint risking it.
hiscutewittlekitty
10 10 10
apocalyptotyler
Always reblog money cat
*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life
*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child
*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is
*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone
*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing
*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents
*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me
Life of Crocodile
the freaking strugle
hot-chocolate-minority
I’m sorry to distract from the crocodiles struggles but uh
are-are those human.....hands??
Everyone knows that on Uber/Lyft you should always give the driver five stars unless they, like, drive the car into the ocean or something, right? You can’t say “the ride was fine, nothing special, so I gave them three stars,” because the company will punish them for being anything less than perfect.
Well, you should know that the same rule goes for any kind of customer service survey. Unless the service you received was unacceptable, give them 5/5 or 10/10 or whatever. It’s annoying, because it ruins the sensitivity of the survey, but it’s how it’s gotta be. 9/10 gets treated like a problem and 6/10 gets treated like a disaster. Understand this and do the workers a favor by grading easy.
blackandmildwithgod
If you scroll pass this you don’t got ten dollars
coleevarts
Need my $10
coleevarts
Guys i literally just got tipped $10 at work
m-b-bockelman
I aint risking it.
hiscutewittlekitty
10 10 10
apocalyptotyler
Always reblog money cat
newvagabond
NO “TELEPHONES”. TALK TO EACH OTHER. FACE TO FACE ONLY. WRITE A LETTER. SEND A TELEGRAM TO YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 1860. LIVE.
rknjl
NO ‘WRITING’… TALK TO EACH OTHER. THROW A ROCK AT YOUR MOM. PRETEND IT’S 10,000 BCE. LIVE.
d-dinosaur
URGGA. ROU GRAAURH. RUH.
<SMACKS HANDS ON WALL WITH PAINT.>
doxian
NO ‘HIGHER BRAIN FUNCTIONS’ …USE YOUR REPTILIAN BRAIN
EAT YOUR MOM’S CORPSE SHE DIED TO PROVIDE YOU WITH SUSTENANCE
PRETEND YOU HAVE JUST AROSE FROM THE SEA
SURVIVE
thelegendofkungjew
NO “MULTICELLULAR TRAITS”….. USE YOUR SYMBIOTIC MITOCHONDRIA
REPRODUCE ASEXUALLY, YOU’RE YOUR OWN PARENT
PRETEND IT’S 2BYA
EVOLVE
NO “LIFE.” USE FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICAL FORCES TO FORM SPHERICAL OBJECTS REVOLVING AROUND ONE ANOTHER IN SPACE.
FUSE HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM USING GRAVITATIONAL PRESSURE TO PRODUCE HEAT AND LIGHT.
PRETEND IT’S 4.5BYA.
STABILIZE INTO EQUILIBRIA
NO “MATTER”. EXIST IN THE VOID WITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING.
THERE IS NO “YOU”, ONLY THE VAST CONCEPT OF NOTHING.
TIME DOES NOT EXIST.
BE.
3 years ago I got off work late & was in line at the grocery store and I accidentally made eye contact with a white boy in a SnapBack, he looked me up and down then in the sleaziest voice said “Salaaaa malaikum” to this day it echoes as I see him vividly during sleep paralysis
non-cinnamonroll
he was just greeting you lmao
thebootydiaries
When someone breaks into your home and whispers “h-hewwo…? uWu ” In your ear as you lie still in fear, I will be in the corner, grinning. You look at me, your eyes pleading, begging for help. But what do I say? “He was just greeting you lmao” it echoes in the suddenly cold room. You hear it again, somehow getting closer. “H-h-hewwo? Is anyone thewe? OwO” who will save you now?
hey op you ok?
Hey, our phones just got shut off and we can’t afford groceries. We also have both upcoming and overdue bills we just can’t afford. My brother and I have also been very sick so our next paychecks aren’t gonna be much. So I’m asking for help. Please DM my twitter @kugatandora for either my PayPal or Venmo, or reblog this to spread it. Thank you.
i temporarily opened up my tumblr DMs in case that is more convenient…
hey… i got a covid test yesterday and the results just came back as positive, and my brother hasn’t checked his yet but he likely has it too. so i won’t be able to go back to work monday, which means we can’t make money. we could use help more than ever right now. please.
