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♡ books, biology and activism ♡

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i'm Jo • header by @ryuko • desiii आणि marathiii • she/her • infp, hufflepuff and feminist • biology nerd • kathak dancer • fandoms you'll find here : tsc, HP, pjo/hoo/toa, little women, divergent, hunger games, atla, sherlock (the books too), lotr, studio ghibli etc • climate activist as well! • welcome to my lil blog! 🌸

Harry And Personal Conflict: A Meta On Evolving Dynamic With Ron and Hermione

One of my last metas on Harry was how his abuse at the Dursleys informed who he is as a person and a lot of his main personality traits. This time, I want to explore Harry's relationship with conflict, mostly in regard to his best friends - Ron and Hermione.

First things first, because of his abusive upbringing where he is constantly in conflict with his caregivers, conflict is seen as Bad Thing when we first meet him as a 11 year old. And it informs how he reacts to both Ron and Hermione at first. He instantly relates to Ron because Ron is an underdog - a boy who feels neglected and passed over in his large and boisterous family. Harry shares his own experience of neglect with Ron and they both bond instantly.

His initial impression of Hermione is that she has a "bossy sort of voice" . The bossiness is an important characterstic to his impression of her - she reminds him of an authority figure and he does not particularly take to her as easily as he does Ron. Before the troll incident, he is frequently annoyed by her interventions because "he can't believe anyone would be so interfering". It's her vulnerability and the fact that she may be in danger that makes Harry, and by extension Ron, go after her. And she pays it back in full with a demonstration of loyalty to them in front of people she wants to impress: teachers. This sets the tone of his friendship with Ron and Hermione.

There is sense of easiness to his friendship with Ron, especially in earlier books that he doesn't quite share with Hermione. This is a bit gendered as well, of course. His relationship with Hermione evolves as Ron's own equation with two of them changes, more specifically Ron's cognisance of his romantic feelings for Hermione. So how does this inform his relationship with personal conflict?

Let's look at it Book wise.

Book 1-4: Since Harry tends to see All Conflict As Bad, when Hermione becomes his friend, he tends to ignore traits of her that he particularly doesn't take to. Specifically her argumentativeness - which he usually leaves Ron to deal with. For example, look at when Hermione drags him off to the kitchens in GOF. When he realises what this is about, he nudges Ron, and Ron does the protesting: "Hermione, you are trying to rope us into that spew stuff again!".

Often, you can say he is amused by Ron's more ..let's say colourful.. reactions to Hermione being overbearing. So when Ron and him are not speaking and Hermione gets a Quidditch term wrong, it causes him "a pang to imagine Ron's expression of he could have heard Hermione talking about Wonky Faints". It's that deeply ingrained into the dynamic.

While Ron acts buffer and protects Harry from stepping into a potential conflict ("skip the lecture", "don't nag" he tells her), Harry's world view remains quite the same. Part of Harry's growing up is integrating conflicting points of view and gaining nuance. For example, he can't understand why someone like Snape, who seems to hate him so much, can also save his life at the end of Philosopher's Stone. This is his first venture into trying to integrate two conflicting things about a person into nuance. Dumbledore gives him a very easily digestible story, one that appeals to his ideal of his father and Harry is sated.

Again, Harry's world view is tested when he finds out that he relates with Tom Riddle - for their "strange likenesses". He doth protest too much at Dumbledore's office: "I don't think I am like him! I am Gryffindor!". And Dumbledore offers him a wisdom nugget: "It's our choices which define who we are" (paraphrasing). Harry is uncomfortable that he empathises with Tom Riddle, his parents' murderer, at this point in the story.

In the first four books, his only proper personal conflict has been with Ron.

It is depressing to think about in these terms - but Ron is Harry's first experience of unconditional love (we can even put Hagrid here, but he is not the one who spends most time with Harry). And when Ron and him fight, Harry is so hurt by the prospect that he proceeds to abandon Ron before Ron abandons him. (the whole chucking a "Potter stinks" badge at him and making a jab about having a scar is what he wants, or the fight in DH where he yells "then leave! Pretend you have gotten over your spattergoit and have your mummy feed you up"). It's an interesting defense mechanism and he feels "corrosive hatred" towards Ron during these times because Ron and him aren't supposed to be like this. Ron is a certainty in his life. It's also why when Ron comes back, Harry either doesn't need him to apologise (as in GOF) or quickly forgives him in DH - although I do think Harry thinks the locket bit was punishment enough. But even without the whole locket, I think Harry has trouble holding Ron accountable in general beyond few slaps on the wrist - especially if Ron and he are on good terms.

5th Book: This is the transition point for Golden Trio friendship. Harry has come back from an immensely traumatising night at the graveyard and his PTSD isolates him from his best friends. This is also the point where Ron, especially after GOF, is aware of his romantic feelings for Hermione ("the perfume is unusual Ron", Hermione tells him in this book). So in this book, we often see Ron and Hermione on one side, with Harry on the other.

Ron is unwilling (quite like Harry in that respect) to engage him in a direct conflict, but he is also unwilling to shield him from Hermione's nagging in this book. This is why, OOTP is the book where you see Harry ignore or avoid Hermione and lie to her more than usual to avoid conflict. For example, he tells her that Snape thinks he can carry on Occlumency once he got the basics - that is categorically not what happened. Or the entire day he spends ignoring Hermione's warnings about breaking into Umbridge's office. (The description here is comical - about Hermione vehemently hissing so much that Seamus Finnigan is checking his cauldron for leaks. ) If he cannot lie to her or avoid her, at the end of the rope, he will treat her to display of his frightening temper.

Interestingly, OOTP is also the book that his world view goes through a tremendous upheaval: mainly, his ideal of his father and having empathy for Snape. It is unnerving for Harry to see Snape being the "boy who cried in the corner" when his father shouts at a cowering woman. Similarly unnerving is that his intense empathy for him - "he knew exactly what Snape felt when his father taunted him and judging by what he had seen, his father was every bit as arrogant as Snape always told him".

While he is placated that his father grew out of it, this memory of his father being a bully is something he cannot bear to watch again in DH. Few chapters later, he grins at Ron "sweeping his hair" back to make it look more windswept, just like his father - suggesting that Harry is beginning to integrate two conflicting things he knew about his father: from the people who loved him vs the people he was cruel to.

6th Book onwards: It's interesting to me that his better appreciation for Hermione comes after OOTP (one, because she is the one who challenged the whole Ministry plan and she followed him into a trap knowing it was one anyway) but also the timing of it is in line with Harry having a more nuanced understanding of his father. He struggled to hold conflicting information about him into one cohesive person - the boy who was a bully vs the man who joins Order of Phoenix to fight a war he could very well have sat out. The pedestal crashing helped Harry gain nuance (he thinks of his father and mother with pride in HBP - of them walking into an arena with head held high). HBP also sets up his deeper understanding with Snape in DH. There is lovely meta by about this by thedreamersmusing. Read it here. HBP is also the book he feels "sorry" for Voldemort and also feels "reluctant admiration" for him - both of things he is less defensive about.

And this nuance informs his relationship with conflicts - especially the kind he has with Hermione. He is more confrontational with her and does not lie or sneak around her as much as he did in OOTP in the Half Blood Prince. ("Finished? Or do you want to see if it does back flips?" He asks her when she takes the book from him to check if it's jinxed. Or the "I hope you enjoy yourself" he calls out irritably when she declares intention to find out who HBP is. And "do you want to rub it in Hermione? How do you think I feel now?" He tells her when she says she was right about HBP).

The fact that he is willing to be confrontational with her is a big step in his character - a step up from his unregulated outbursts in OOTP, which is a function of him not knowing how to put his anger across in normal ways. He is also more willing to stand up for her in front of Ron too - "You could say sorry" he tells Ron bluntly. This is in contrast to his more quiet standing up for her in POA: "Can't you give her a break?" Harry asked him quietly. In POA, he lets the subject drop after Ron flatly refuses. Here, he presses on more : "What did you have to imitate her for?" "She laughed at moustache!" "So did I, it's the stupidest thing I have ever seen".

His relationship with Ron is an interesting contrast to his relationship with Hermione, which functionally teaches a very important lesson for an abused child who thought all conflicts are bad: That his friendship with her is challenging, and frustrating, filled with conflicts but their love for each other isn't disputed. It's a very important thing for brain development in general - to hold conflicting information in one space. The defense mechanism abused children do to avoid this is called splitting.

So, Ron allows Harry to be the age he is: a teenager and it's foundation for his further development, and Hermione teaches him how to be an adult, and therefore, spurs his growth. (In esoteric terms, if you look at Ron and Hermione as proxy parents - Ron is the Mother archetype, the one who offers unconditional love. Hermione is the Father archetype - one who demands best of him, and guides him).

Dumbledore and Reflections of Himself

I am in the middle of an HBP reread and boy do I have feelings about Dumbledore and Tom Riddle's first meeting.

We see that Mrs Cole piques Dumbledore's interest by mentioning that Tom is a bully, but that doesn't immediately dictate Dumbledore's conduct in the room. When Tom first commands: "Tell the truth!" (a behaviour Harry considers shocking), Dumbledore's move is to remain unfazed and pleasant. Something that makes Tom warier (Tom senses that he has met an adult who would not only not react to him, but will act like he is unaffected by him, the boy who wants to be special). It establishes the push and pull in the scene, where Tom tries to take control of the scene (as much as a 11 year old child can) and Dumbledore consistently undercuts it.

The scene changes in tone when Dumbledore reveals that Tom is magical, and I find Dumbledore's reaction to Tom's response so interesting:

“I knew I was different,” he whispered to his own quivering fingers. “I knew I was special. Always, I knew there was something.”
“Well, you were quite right,” said Dumbledore, who was no longer smiling, but watching Riddle intently. “You are a wizard.”

Why does Dumbledore, who was perfectly happy to smile pleasantly and weather through Tom's wariness and suspicion, suddenly become more intent and unsmiling? It is because he understands Tom's need to be "special", a reflection of his youthful self who felt bitterness and resentment when he was responsible for his family.

Here is Dumbledore, in a confession of his greatest mistakes to Harry in Deathly Hallows: "I was gifted, I was brilliant. I wanted to escape. I wanted to shine. I wanted glory."

The scene progresses, and Tom asks Dumbledore to prove that he is a wizard in the same commanding tone: "Prove it!"

Dumbledore, who has become fraction colder, merely raises his eyebrows and insists that Tom uses respectful honorifics in addressing him ("Then you will address me as professor or sir"). And then Tom in "an unrecognizably polite voice" which Dumbledore (and Harry who is watching the memory) recognises as non-apologetic way of getting what he wants.

Then Dumbledore does something that establishes his total domination in the scene, something he admits to Tom later: "“The time is long gone when I could frighten you with a burning wardrobe and force you to make repayment for your crimes. But I wish I could, Tom. ... I wish I could. ...”

He burns Tom's wardrobe, and unnerves him with proof of his thievery. This is the only time in the scene Tom is cornered, and I don't think he ever forgets how Dumbledore made him feel(and why Dumbledore is the "only one he ever feared"):

Open the door,” said Dumbledore.
Riddle hesitated, then crossed the room and threw open the wardrobe door. On the topmost shelf, above a rail of threadbare clothes, a small cardboard box was shaking and rattling as though there were several frantic mice trapped inside it.
“Take it out,” said Dumbledore. (...)
“Is there anything in that box that you ought not to have?” asked Dumbledore.
Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. “Yes, I suppose so, sir,” he said finally, in an expressionless voice.
“Open it,” said Dumbledore.

Dumbledore admits to Harry that what made him uneasy about Tom was "obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy and domination." (He does become gentle with Tom when Tom expresses desire to know his parentage, and the gentleness is remarked on in the scene).

But, like I demonstrated with wardrobe burning, there is no scene in the books where Dumbledore is not in control, even when he appears not to be (whenever someone makes the mistake of assuming as such, as Draco in the climax of the book - "you’re in my power. ... I’m the one with the wand. ... You’re at my mercy", Dumbledore reminds him: "It is my mercy, not yours that matters now.")

That's not the first of Dumbledore's reflection. Who else has instincts for secrecy, like Tom Riddle?

“I knew my brother, Potter. He learned secrecy at our mother’s knee. Secrets and lies, that’s how we grew up, and Albus ... he was a natural.

What Dumbledore fears, what Dumbledore is wary of, what Dumbledore cannot forgive are reflections of himself in another person ("Was I better, ultimately, than Voldemort?" he asks in DH). And this is entirely because Dumbledore cannot forgive himself for what happened to his family - his indifference to who Grindelwald was, his hubris that cost him his sister.

It is exactly why he is also surprised (and taken aback) at Harry's empathy for his parent's murderer: "Could you possibly be feeling sorry for Lord Voldemort?" (it is also where his respect and love for Harry comes from: "I've known for sometime, you are a better man")

We see this even in Harry's attempt to save Voldemort's soul ("Try for some remorse, I've seen what you will be otherwise"), whereas Dumbledore is more unforgiving of Voldemort's final fate ("You cannot help" Dumbledore says to Harry). It tallies well with what he tells Voldemort in OOTP:

“We both know that there are other ways of destroying a man, Tom,” Dumbledore said calmly. “Merely taking your life would not satisfy me, I admit — ”
“There is nothing worse than death, Dumbledore!” snarled Voldemort.
“You are quite wrong,” said Dumbledore. “Indeed, your failure to understand that there are things much worse than death has always been your greatest weakness — ”

Voldemort's final fate, a mutilated soul that is stuck in King cross limbo, unable to go on is the fate "worse than death" that Dumbledore is referring to. It is the fate Harry tries to save Voldemort from, by asking him to repair his soul with "remorse."

Remorse

I would be remiss to not talk about another young wizard that Dumbledore reacts quite personally to - young, wayward Death Eater Severus Snape. @urupotter had made a lovely observation in one of his metas about how Dumbledore's response to Snape: "You disgust me" is far more personal than him reacting to someone like Fenrir Greyback.

Snape's indifference to evil, his hunger for power (the trait that made him join Death Eaters and follow Voldemort ) "disgusts" Dumbledore. For Dumbledore, he has gotten his sister killed because of his own refusal to listen to his conscience, his passion for Grindelwald that led to poor judgement: "Did I know, in my heart of hearts, what Gellert Grindelwald was? I think I did, but I closed my eyes. If the plans we were making came to fruition, all my dreams would come true."

He sees the same indifference and selfishness in Snape at the beginning of his arc: "You do not care about the lives of her husband and child? They can die, as long as you can have what you want?"

Snape, of course, grows into someone Dumbledore relies on ("How many people have you watched die?" "Lately those who I cannot save"), someone Dumbledore considers redeemed with his casual: "You are a braver man by far than Igor Karkaroff. You know, I sometimes think we Sort too soon ..."

Which brings me to the most commonly misunderstood/ poorly analysed scene in Deathly Hallows:

From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.

This is not Snape's declaration of romantic love that goes beyond time lol. It is declaration of his guilt that will forever haunt him, his role in Lily's death that he wants to atone for. He was protecting Harry out of remorse, and he gives up this very personal desire for atonement in service of "greater good" to defeat Voldemort - by passing on the knowledge that Dumbledore gave him to Harry.

Dumbledore's own reaction - his tears- aren't because he is moved by Snape's undying love. It's because, once again, Dumbledore sees a reflection of himself, of his own guilt, his self-inflicted tragedies in Snape. He is moved because Snape was "never free", like himself. As Harry astutely reads Dumbledore's painful guilt:

“ ’Course, Grindelwald scarpered. He had a bit of a track record already, back in his own country, and he didn’t want Ariana set to his account too. And Albus was free, wasn’t he? Free of the burden of his sister, free to become the greatest wizard of the — ”
“He was never free,” said Harry.
“I beg your pardon?” said Aberforth.
“Never,” said Harry. “The night that your brother died, he drank a potion that drove him out of his mind. He started screaming, pleading with someone who wasn’t there. ‘Don’t hurt them, please ... hurt me instead.’

Keeping "Hurt me instead" in mind, here is how Dumbledore offers a way forward for the self-destructive, guilt ridden Severus Snape:

"I wish ... I wish / were dead. ...”
And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.”

Dumbledore understands this self-destructive, suicidal guilt very intimately and very personally, and he is harsher and colder with Snape as he is with himself. (He also interestingly, never magically fixes the crooked nose - a mark of his brother's blame at their sister's funeral) Dumbledore, as Hermione notes in the scene with Harry, "Maybe he did believe these things when he was seventeen, but the whole of the rest of his life was devoted to fighting the Dark Arts!"

What use, indeed his own guilt, if he doesn't fight for the Greater Good?

This is reflected in the quotation he chose for his mother and sister's grave:

Harry stooped down and saw, upon the frozen, lichen-spotted granite, the words KENDRA DUMBLEDORE and, a short way below her dates of birth and death, AND HER DAUGHTER ARIANA. There was also a quotation: Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

It's okay to do things slowly.

It's okay if doing the dishes takes you an hour.

It's okay if walking to the store and back takes up your whole morning.

It's okay if it takes you a year to finish a book.

It's okay if you need a moment to think between every step of a task.

It's okay if you need to sit down while getting dressed.

It's okay to eat slowly.

It's okay if you need things explained to you multiple times.

It's okay to be slow in any way whatsoever.

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thinking about the scene where merry pledges his service to theoden and then immediately says “youre my father figure now. btw.” and theoden is like “☝🏻temporarily

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theoden watching this plucky young guy say theodens his new dad and then proceed to demonstrate a complete disregard for theoden’s opinion that he should not go to war: hey i know who you would get along with

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theoden lying underneath his dead horse watching the witch king of angmar get fucking obliterated: ok yes perhaps i should have foreseen this when i introduced them. thats on me.

blakelivey-deactivated20211026
Well, I’m not a poet. I’m just a woman. And as a woman, there’s no way for me to make my own money. Not enough to earn a living, or to support my family. And if I had my own money, which I don’t, that money would belong to my husband the moment we got married. And if we had children, they would be his, not mine. They would be his property.

LITTLE WOMEN (2019) DIR. GRETA GERWIG