Thats Why You Painted The Night Sky On Your Draw

@massachusetts-official

#a shame it was lost to history which one he actually stopped at

PSA:

1. If you are not silly, it is vital you become silly

2. If you are silly, you must stay silly

2. If you used to be silly but have stopped, you must make all efforts to return to silliness

Comic by PetFoolery

Hands up if you'd also adopt that little noodle! ✋

Tags by @interstellarvagabond

THERE'S A SEQUEL!

MR. NOODLE

The adventure continues!

Awesome dad is awesome.

Hopefully the mother will get used to it

Mom finally warmed up to Mr Noodle.

Made by PetFoolery

So last Christmas/holiday period I worked at a gift store as a casual holiday assistant.

The number of times I had blokes come in and attempt to purchase a candle for their wife/so/mother/girlfriend etc for Christmas or birthday.

And they’d like walk up and say ‘I need to buy a candle’

We had at least 25 different candle scents.

Some guys knew what they were after- cause they would take a photo of the candle they already had.

Some had literally no clue.

Some say ‘you just pick a good one’ and we say ‘oh but you know what she likes, we’ll just help you decide’.

So we’d go through the entire process of

“Ok so sweet? Or sort of more not sweet or citrusy?”

Some weren’t sure what the difference was so we’d pull our sweetest possible candle tester (caramel sunset- it’s like sticking your face in a candy store) and our most neutral non sweet candle tester (ocean breeze - it’s a neutral sort of salt and lemongrass scent) and make them smell them.

The sweet one either gets ‘oh YES but maybe not that sweet’ or ‘no. no. She likes. Not that’

Once we make a decision on sweet or not, we then can start pulling candle testers.

We slowly narrow down those categories by smelling various test candles.

Some of these blokes have absolutely zero idea what they’re looking for when they come in, but generally we get some sort of ‘oh yeah, her perfume smells like that’ or ‘the candle we have smells a little like that’ or ‘oh I REALLY LIKE THAT’.

Sometimes we have to go through Every. Single. Candle. To get the one they are after.

During Christmas I did this probably 4-5 times a day on average. Sometimes multiple times for the same customer because they had to get a candle for mum and wife and sister and Aunty.

One guy came in on CHRISTMAS EVE about 20min before we closed and said ‘so I need…. Five gifts…. For my mum, for my girlfriend, my sister, my grandma and my girlfriends mum.’

It was….. a long 20 minutes.

It’s lovely to see them get? Not excited, exactly, but sort of enthused that! They! Made! A! Good! Choice! Because they do know their partners. They know the perfume, or what they already have in the house, or what scent she likes. They just weren’t sure how to get to the final option.

Once the candle has been selected, and they purchase it, we offer free gift wrapping.

The look of relief on some of their faces is. Absolutely priceless.

We have like. 40 something different wrapping papers. Sometimes I ask ‘favourite colour?’ And they just look blank, so I pick two nice but different papers so it’s both easy (they’re both pretty!) but they also don’t feel like I did all the choosing for them (then if she comments on it, he can say he picked it).

I live in a small country town, by the way. Some of these fellas are in their dusty work jeans, boots and clearly came in from a long day on the farm because it is Important that they get this gift.

Some seem very awkward about this whole process, some are self deprecating, some are really enthusiastic. Some start super awkward and then get really enthusiastic.

I sold. A LOT of fucking candles this last Christmas. A LOT.

I could smell those fuckers in my sleep.

I’m not making fun of these guys (ok I am just a little) because I appreciate that they a) know that their wife would like a candle, b) are prepared to smell 25 different candles to find the one they think she would like, rather than just picking one based on the colour of the box, and c) acknowledge that they need a hand selecting one and asked for assistance

There is no headcanon world that exists in my head that doesn’t have Nesta giving Cassian really elaborate presents for his birthday and every year without fail he goes “Is my present you?” Expecting you know sexy date night just the two of them, and she’s like lol no that’s lame and then proceeds to give him some gift where he’s like wtf, how did you get this?

I kind of imagine the gifts getting more dangerous as the years pass, because she makes it a goal to give him something better every year and it ends up just being more dangerous to get them and a hazard to keep them. Magic swords lost, she’ll get that. Cursed objects, check. Cassian starts telling her that he really really really wants this small thing, just to be like calm yourself, don’t go to a wild safari half a world away for my present. But nope, Nesta plans for this gift, and every year Cassian waits nervously, praying that it’s just a night with Nesta, maybe in some lingerie if she’s feeling giving.  

Why did you hide this goodness in the tags

Gimme the hound puppies!! Gimme chaotic Nesta!!

when cats put their ears back they become cursors

thank you guys this is exactly the kind of comments that make me stay on on tumblr

Eris: I live in constant fear that someone will kill my father Beron, who lives in the Autumn Court castle, third floor, second door from the right, can be accessed from the window outside, power tools and ladder kept in the shed.

Yeah, well, I can’t stretch out that review of 16th century economics by adding a gratuitous hand job.

#not with that attitude you can’t

that thing lowkey must be heavy its still cute tho

That’s so sweet!!! It reminds me of when my bf gave me a rose that lasts forever with lights in a glass dome & i wanted to cry right then n there

He even wrote me a little note with it that said, “I’ll love you until the very last petal falls off" 🥰

Okay that is the cutest shit ever… does anyone know where i can get a rose already made like that with the glass and lights and all????

My girlfriend would LOVE it but i suck at diy

Good news! I found them onIine HERE and you can get warm white or rainbow lights inside.

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

decadence….

Oh, to be a mole in a dirt hot tub,,,,,,,

I refuse to let you hide this in the tags

[image description: a screenshot of a tweet from Tailsteak, it says: “If I write fiction where Theseus and the minotaur fall in love

And then someone else takes my fic, swaps out the labyrinth for a coffeeshop setting

And then someone swaps the minotaur for another mosnter

And then someone swaps Theseus for antoher hero

Is it still the same ship?”

9:37 AM 04 Apr 21

1,042 Retweets 54 Quote Tweets 3,518 likes

end of description]

The fic of Theseus.

Death Star Stormtroopers: “Freeze!”

Han: (panicking, trying to come up with a lie): Woah there don’t shoot, uh, you can’t shoot us because—because this guy is Darth Vader’s son! You don’t want to be responsible for shooting Darth Vader’s own flesh and bone do you?”

Luke: *glares incredulously*

Stormtroopers: “That is the dumbest thing—”

Leia: (done at this point, absolutely done with this rescue, better than Han at lying) “Exactly! Why would we tell you something so phenomenally insane if it weren’t true! Why do you think Darth Vader is so obsessed with finding Rebels, huh? Call him he’ll tell you!”

Luke: (also done, much better than Han at lying): “Or you could just shoot us; I’m sure my father, Darth Vader, inventor of the lightsaber, would be thrilled to meet the men who killed his son and his son’s friends.” *waves lightsaber arrogantly*

Stormtrooper 1: “Maybe we should call this in. I mean—he’s got a lightsaber, so that’s—that’s Vader stuff anyway.”

Stormtrooper 2: “are you kidding me right now?”

Leia: *shoots them while they’re distracted*

Han: “…We’re friends?”

//

Tarkin: “The rebels said what? You incompetent fool, how could you buy such an absurd stalling—”

Vader: “My…son…”

Tarkin:

Tarkin: Oh fuck THIS.

RETURN OF THE JEDI — 1983, Richard Marquand

#mood

granted i havent read lotr since i was 13 but the way legolas joins the fellowship always cracks me up, like hes literally a prince but they sent him as a messenger to basically tell the council like "whoopsiedoodles we fucked up and gollum is gone, that's what you get for entrusting him to the party elves of mirkwood you know how we get" and he feels SO bad he joins this super deadly quest like imagine you're thranduil and you're like "hey son can you go to elrond's house and tell him we fucked up royally" and your son is like sure pops can do but then you don't hear from him for like two months so you call elrond like hey e-dog what's good have you seen my son. and elrond is like. well i dont know how to tell you this but he went on a homoerotic voyage to the most dangerous place on earth. id be so mad

I HATE THE ONION