An Aries lover tugs at your hand. They want you to play with them.

A Taurus lover holds you tight. They want you to feel safe with them.

A Gemini lover draws on your skin. They want you to shine with them.

A Cancer lover caresses your waist. They want you to find peace with them.

A Leo lover kisses your lips. They want you to have fun with them.

A Virgo lover brushes your hair. They want you to improve with them.

A Libra lover strokes your cheek. They want you to love with them.

A Scorpio lover touches your skin. They want you to feel with them.

A Sagittarius lover opens your eyes. They want you to explore with them.

A Capricorn lover massages your feet. They want you to prepare with them.

An Aquarius lover dyes your hair. They want you to stand out with them.

A Pisces lover kisses your fingers. They want you to be happy with them.

I think I broke Harry Potter

So it’s 3AM and It’s just occurred to me that the most telling scene in the entire Harry Potter franchise is the scene following the announcement of the participants of the Triwizard tournament.

When Harry’s name is pulled out of the cup, literally one of the first things he is asked is “did you ask an older boy to put your name in the cup for you?“ or something to that effect, insinuating that, that was something nobody prepared for and that it was something that totally would have worked if anyone had been smart enough to figure it out.

However, in an earlier scene a student is turned into a hundred year old man when they try to artificially age themselves with a potion and put their name into the cup. Meaning someone trying to dangerously age themselves with potion they aren’t familiar with was something the teachers genuinely considered to be more likely than someone asking for fucking help from another student.

In other words, the wizards in Harry Potter’s world are so reliant on magic that it doesn’t occur to anyone save for people like Harry that asking for help is even an option in a given situation. This explains why wizards are so fucking ass-backwards at everything, they’re so confident that their magic is capable of doing everything for them that it has never occurred to fucking anyone that perhaps asking for help from the muggle world might be of some use.

Think about it, the wizarding world hasn’t changed in hundreds of years while in that same space of time the muggle world has figured out fucking space travel. I know it’s a cliché to say to say someone could have fucking shot Voldemort, but seriously, somebody totally fucking could have, he killed like 50 people, he was effectively a terrorist, if anyone in the wizarding world bothered to ask for help from the muggles instead of just telling them there was an invisible asshole flying around shooting death curses at everyone, they may have been able to help. 

Pretty much the only reason Voldermort thinks he’s better than muggles is because he’s able to kill them with impunity using magic, something he’s only able to do so easily because muggles don’t understand what magic is. Voldemort is basically like a fucking disease, he’s an invisible, lurking entity preying on mankind from the shadows like a cowardly piece of shit. You know what else did that? Smallpox and we stomped that to death the second we understood it. That’s the difference between muggles and wizards, when muggles don’t understand something, they figure it out.

And here’s the kicker, the only reason muggles don’t understand magic at all is because the wizarding world deliberately withholds information about it. However, even if the wizarding world kept doing that, it’d only be a matter of time until a muggle figured out what magic was and how to stop or harness it because that’s what humanity does, it pushes past what we think is impossible to see what’s on the other side. We didn’t understand the sun as a species originally and now we use it to power satellites and smartphones.

The wizarding world isn’t a realm of infinite possibilities, it’s a universe of strict limitations where boundaries are never questioned. The muggle world is where the real magic happens. That’s why during the course of the Harry Potter books, which are set between 1991 and 1998, the muggle world (our world) discovered dark matter, cloned a sheep and invented fucking MP3s while the wizarding world were literally paying some dipshit to figure out what the purpose of a rubber duck was.

Wow, I really shouldn’t think about this stuff when it’s like 3AM, it gets kind of dark.

i love catfish so much because they act like theyre fbi agents or something when theyre really just using reverse google image search

i thought you meant the animal and let me tell you that was a wild minute of me trying to figure out the psychology of fish thinking they’re federal law enforcement

Alan’s sense of humour

It’s such a shame that such an amazing actor has passed, he was and will remain to be a true legend.

you know you’re messed up when you’re looking forward to joining a lettuce club
Please explain

okay so the school i want to go to has this thing called a lettuce club. In the lettuce club, you meet once a year and, in this meeting, you have an hour to eat an entire head of lettuce (sometimes there’s ranch, mostly there isn’t). whoever eats the lettuce the fastest is the leader of the lettuce club and has to set up the meeting for next year. 

apparently it’s supposed to make you hate lettuce but honestly that’s just a small side effect for one of the weirdest clubs i’ve heard of in my entire life

…what does one do in the lettuce club?😨 besides race to eat lettuce.

no that’s the entire meaning of the lettuce club

But surely it’s not necessary? Like, lettuce is objectively bad and pointless? Who needs to do this to dislike it? 

they do it for the kicks and the sheer power of eating a head of lettuce in less than an hour. the kid who wins gets their name out there. my friend told me that she never wants to see lettuce again, though.

here’s a pic from here of the club and the school

They also have a fight club and a club where they do shakespearian renditions of star wars movies

Call for Writing

Chronic Illness Truths (working title) will be an anthology (a collection of stories by different writers and published as a book) about living with a chronic illness. It will offer comfort to those who feel alone and it will offer insight to those whose loved ones have chronic illnesses. It will discuss both the big pictures and the tiny details that we encounter every day. Please read through this page, and then if you have any questions, just message me here or email me at chronicillnesstruths@gmail.com

If you’re not going to submit a story but you would like to receive status updates about this project, just sign up here: http://juliemorgenlender.com/chronic-illness-truths-an-anthology

Who you are

A person with one or more chronic illnesses and who wants to share a story. No writing experience is needed. If English isn’t your first language, that’s ok. We’ll have editors to clean up grammar and such, and then authors will get to approve the final drafts.

How much to write

Suggested length for each submission is 300-2000 words. You may submit more than one entry and each will be considered separately (so it’s possible more than one will be accepted, but not guaranteed.)

What you should write about

Write about anything you like that has to do with living with a chronic illness. Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • What do you wish you’d known when you were diagnosed?
  • What do you wish you’d known pre-diagnosis?
  • That one time X happened (this story can be a funny, sad, touching, scary, or anything else.)
  • What do you want your loved ones to understand about living with a chronic illness?
  • Good and bad stories about hospital stays.
  • Good and bad stories about working with doctors and other medical professionals.
  • The day-to-day difficulties that others find surprising
  • Dealing with health insurance companies.
  • The process of applying for and receiving long term disability insurance, SSDI, or your country’s version of social security disability insurance.
  • Your health’s affects on your relationships (with friends, romantic partners, children, parents, siblings, coworkers, etc.)
  • How health affects your job and how your job affects your health.
  • Daily accommodations you make for your health (diet, walking with a cane, having to avoid stairs, taking naps, spacing out activities, etc.)
  • Nasty or insensitive comments made by strangers, loved ones, coworkers.
  • The time someone took your cane as a joke, tried to move you and your wheelchair out of their path, or otherwise was disrespectful.
  • Embarrassing stories (spilling something at a wedding, that thing that happened during sex, not being able to remember things due to brain fog, etc.)
  • The emotions that you have around your health condition(s).
  • What do your family and friends do that is most helpful and supportive?
  • Intersectionality: how does your race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, socio-economic status, etc. affect how you live with a chronic illness?
  • Stereotypes and misconceptions you want to dispel

Your name

It is up to you if you would like to use your real name or not. I will use whatever name you include on your submission. (If you use your real name in your email but a different name on your submission, I will not share your real name.) This can be your real name, your first name with last initial, or a fake name.

How to submit an entry

Please email your submission to me at chronicillnesstruths@gmail.com by March 15, 2016 and include the following:

  • Your contact information, if it is different from the email address you use for your submission. If I use your entry, I will need to be able to contact you.
  • The name you want to use on your submission if it is published.
  • The state/province and country in which you are located. For example, this could be California, United States or Ontario, Canada or Andalucia, Spain.
  • A title for your entry.
  • A story of 300-2000 words.
  • Note: You are welcome to submit more than one entry.
  • You are welcome to use writing that you have had published elsewhere as long as it does not have a copyright that prevents re-publishing the piece. Before publication, all authors will sign a document stating that they have the right to share their piece. The document will also say that this project has a non-exclusive copyright, meaning that you can publish it again elsewhere.

What “counts” as a chronic illness

I have gotten a lot of questions asking if ____ “counts” as a chronic illness. My answer is always the same: it’s not my place to label your condition. If you have a condition that you feel is a chronic illness then please participate!

What will happen next

I will confirm receipt of your submission when you send it. After the deadline for entries has passed I will review all submissions and contact each author individually about next steps. 

Who I am

My name is Julie and I am a 30-something living in New England. I have had autoimmune conditions since childhood, but they weren’t diagnosed until I was in my 20s (and I’m continuing to get new diagnoses even now.) Feel free to message me here or email me at chronicillnesstruths@gmail.com if you have questions or just want to chat.

Why I am writing this book

Several “healthy” friends have been urging me lately to write a book. The horrible world of chronic illness to which I have become all too accustomed is odd to them. Where I take something for granted, they see surprises. They think more people need to understand this. At the same time, I have become more active in patient communities. I have found great comfort in realizing I’m not alone, and now I try to help the newer newcomers to feel less alone. I see the difficulties so many people face while feeling isolated and lonely. Every time I mention this project, fellow spoonies get very excited and ask when they can read it.

I have considered writing a book about the inequities of the disability insurance realm, about the lack of empathy for autoimmune patients in the medical community, or about any of a dozen other topics. I finally decided that I want to write about them all. More than that, I don’t want this book to have only my voice. I want it to have many voices. That is why I have chosen to create an anthology.

So have two main goals for this book:

  1. To help others with chronic illness to feel less alone.
  2. To educate our loved ones about what it’s really like to live with a chronic illness.

How you can help

Please share this site with you family, friends, acquaintances, medical providers, support group members, Facebook friends, Twitter followers, Tumblr followers…. anyone and everyone who might want to contribute. The more the better! And please contribute yourself. The goal is to have a diverse group of writers, including different ethnicities, races, religions, sexual orientations, gender identities, countries of origin, ages, and types of illness. If you want to see more voices like yours in books like these, here’s your chance! Start your own submission right now!

Know Your Rights

Alert! ICE raids are starting up. Report them to United We Dream at 1-844-343-1623. Know your rights, and share this info! We’ve got to fight back against mass deportation. Xo

okay but I live in Minnesota and I was really fucking confused here, and I still don’t know what “ICE” is.

EDIT: Helpful people told me: “Immigration and Customs Enforcement.” Okay, that makes sense then.

This Company Makes Exact Plush Toy Copies Of Your Pets

The Cuddle Clones toy company makes custom plush-toy replicas of pets from photos sent in by their clients. The company’s founder, Jennifer Graham, came up with the idea for custom plushies when hanging out with her Great Dane, Rufus. When he passed away in 2009, she finally created a stuffed-animal replica, and now other users have also started memorializing their pets with Cuddle Clones. Of course, two heads are better than one – you can get a plushie if your pet is perfectly healthy as well.

I’ve reblogged this once and I’ll do it again.

Avatar
raptorific

Comparing your relationship to Romeo and Juliet to express how in love you are is kind of like using Hamlet to demonstrate how close and well-adjusted your family life is

*laughs tastefully*

my favorite jokes

  • when people pretend people wearing camo are invisible
  • calling random animals “weird looking dogs”
  • trolling beetles fans
  • severely overestimating the number of clearly countable objects
  • severely underestimating the size of something (you could fit five whole cars in space probably)
  • Seeing a shocking image and exclaiming disbelief at minor background details around shocking image
  • Everyone is in on a joke

incredibly inappropriate units or lack thereof (twelve sand, forty-five mph of cell phones)

Fun fact my boyfriend plays this game called Magic the gathering at this comic book store and I started going with him and we noticed that the other guys started saying really sexist and offensive things around me since I’m the only girl so he immediately took me home and taught me how to play so now I go there to play and beat all of them.

They spend thousands of dollars on decks to win and I picked out cards that my boyfriend already owned and made my own deck and go there and win one guy literally threw his deck in the trash and walked out of the store screaming

*sigh* manbabies

your boyfriend is helping you do the Lord’s work

DESTROY THEM

Oh I did. I won first place in a commander tournament as the only woman playing out of 10 other men and no one congratulated me and all the piss babies tried everything they could to say I didn’t actually do the legal infinte combo that wiped out the entire pod. And then proceeded to whine for the rest of the night. I LIVE FOR THIS GUYS. 💀 valar morghulis 💀

LMFAOOOO yes. Destroy them

Did you at least grab the cards in the trash cause I would

“All these young girls getting themselves pregnant”

Wow, self impregnating teenage girls, these men should be afraid, we as woman are evolving at alarming rates.