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shot a bow and arrow (poorly), rode a horse, had wisdom teeth removed, used to have a LiveJournal, won a poetry contest as a kid that had the winning poems printed in a book but I'm not sure how much that counts because I'm not sure that the book was widely distributed enough to count as "publishing"
Not to make a Christmas Post but Santa did everything right re: the Rudolph situation and every time I see some edgelord slander talking about “the lesson of Rudolph is that your differences will be punished until the powers that be find them useful” I just assume that person is a little thick and misunderstood a song written to be so simple babies can understand it
One of the most basic things they teach you in Teacher School is that if you know a kid is being bullied, bringing all the other kids together and scolding them for being mean and excluding That Kid is a great way to escalate it from “they don’t let this kid play with them” to “they are beating up this kid.” If you actually want to address the problem, the other kids can’t know they’re being told what to do. A good way to address it is to create a situation where the bullied kid gets to be the big cool hero in a way that benefits everybody, then put the bullied kid in that situation and let them save the day. Santa, in “Rudolph,” is essentially doing the same thing that any teacher does when they have a class jeopardy game with a pizza party riding on it, and give the last question to the weird kid who’s bullied for being super into anime, and that question happens to be about that kid’s favorite anime, and they get it right, and now EVERYBODY gets pizza, thanks to Anime Kid! Creating a situation, among a community of christmas-loving deer, where christmas can only happen because of the thing that’s special about Rudolph, was literally LITERALLY him intervening on Rudolph’s bullying. Do you think Santa, an immortal time-bending elf-saint who is sanctioned by god to monitor the children of the world and deliver them toys, is unable to navigate a foggy night? You really think his offering Rudolph, an untested rookie, the glamor post was an act of last resort? Do any of you know ANYTHING about Pedagogy or Classroom Management? These are deer. BABIES understand this song.
Frodo: Sam hates Gollum, but that is what I shall become once I have lost myself to the ring… he’ll despise me…
Sam if Frodo did turn into a Gollum: That’s a very nice fish you caught with your bare hands, Mr. Frodo, and its very smart of you to eat it raw, saves us the trouble of starting a fire. I knitted you a sweater in case you get cold running around in that loincloth of yours. Is the sun hurting your eyes? I’ll kill it if it’s bothering you. I’ll kill the sun
the best part of this is that it presumes either frodo did an incredible gollumization speedrun or sam just casually lived to be hundreds of years old because he had to look after mister frodo.
the pride and prejudice musical we deserve:
- darcy doesn’t sing a single note even during conversations where everyone else is singing at him that is until the argument following his first attempt at proposing to lizzy where you can see his restraint fall away
- his first big solo is the letter he writes her
- gelsey bell is mary and the unofficial narrator and she sits down at her piano to describe whats going on but before she can ever reveal her feelings on the matter, starting with that gelsey bell scream, mr bennet comes over and does the whole ‘that’s nice dear but give someone else a turn’
- mr wickham has this huge ballad about how darcy ruined his life and its super melodramatic and touching
- mr collins proposal to lizzy is an absolute bop that he gets so into he forgets for a moment what he’s doing he’s just owning the stage
- wickham has a song where he’s trying to seduce lydia but she’s not even listening she’s just monologuing about how excited she is to get laid
- during darcy’s second proposal he keeps hesitating waiting for lizzy to interrupt him like she has done every time before but she doesn’t say anything until he’s finished
- at the end mary sits down at the piano and right where she’d usually be interrupted, kitty joins her and harmonises
- jane and bingley have the adorable upbeat romantic duet which is just them being super polite like ‘oh so nice to have you here’ ‘so nice to be here’ interspersed with their inner monologue which is just them being like fucking jesus I’m so in love
- the bingley sisters probably have a really cool mean solo
- lady catherine has this terrifying disney villain song in the garden
- there’s for sure a song about ribbon shopping
do you ever read something that leaves you absolutely batshit feral and frothing with rage at the fact it isn’t real
im obsessed with stories that have a fixed ending before they even start. stories with narrators who are crying as they tell it because there is only one way this can end.
there is only one way this can go.
stories where the characters might know how it all ends and beg the audience to change it, knowing they can't. stories where the characters are unaware, but given the people they are and the situations they're in- well, what else are they supposed to do?
stories that are loops. that start with everyone dying and getting back up again to do it one more time.
because this time, maybe, it will be different.
the narrator cries.
It is no coincidence that, in so many ways, the cheesecake factory resembles a cheesecake prison
10 disturbing and highly dangerous soups
1. the great bean soup. if you dare taste it, it will consume you by force and become part of your soul. some say that this is an improvement over the old way, but only because the old way required an endless pilgrimage in the dark for an illusory pleasure, whereas the new way is quick and painless. the bean soup comes with a side dish of endless suffering. (it's good.)
2. soup of infinite sorrow. it is said that this soup is only the first in a long line, each created by the previous ones. there is no end, and no escape.
3. sweetened tea with cream. it is said that one must try this at least once to taste the pure and loving sweetness of an old friendship. one has to be there to understand.
4. soup of ultimate terror. it is said that this is a soup created from the pure anger of those who have suffered for thousands of years. it will destroy the soul of the one who consumes it. the very concept of "soups" will be lost in an endless expanse of unending suffering.
5. the soup of absolute loneliness. it is said that no one can enjoy this soup without feeling a deep longing to be alone, to be one, to be something, to exist, even if it must be by oneself, in the utter emptiness.
6. the soup of endless pain. it is said that this is the soup of all those who ever lived in solitude. it is an eternal, silent scream. there is no end. it was never made for anyone. and yet it lives its own life, the most painful thing one can imagine.
7. the soup of a forgotten tongue. it is said that if one dares to look upon this, one's soul is ripped out of this world and consumed in the infinite darkness. it has no shape, and yet it calls to one.
8. the soup of endless time. it is said that this can be found in a small valley of the desert. it was there that the earliest civilizations were born, and they still live in a lost paradise. it will consume anyone who dares look upon it.
9. the soup of time's end. it is said that this is a soup which will consume all time in a single instant. those who are brave enough to try it will understand the meaning of timeless eternity. one cannot even imagine the terror.
10. the soup of the infinite. it is said that one can taste the endless torment that has been the endless life of all soups before this. it has no end, it cannot end. it is like a scream, that goes on forever, and in the infinite, no one hears it.
Um, think I’ll take the sweetened tea with cream, please, Frank. That one sounds all right!
What you think Pokémon was 20 years ago vs Pokémon 20 years ago.
“Valjean’s “Bring Him Home” […] was, according to Kretzmer, one of the most difficult pieces of music to set words to. Originally, the idea had been to hint at Valjean’s despair at Cosette’s abandoning him for a younger man. ‘We wanted to evoke the natural, latent sexuality in Valjean that must have been there, however sublimated’, says Kretzmer.”
—
— The Complete Book of Les Misérables, Edward Samuel Behr
.
…I am never complaining about “Bring Him Home” ever again
FWIW this is definitely in the novel, too. (It’s not presented as a -good- thing, but Valjean’s had a messed up life and has some messed up thoughts.) The musical isn’t making it up.
““Poor old Jean Valjean, of course, loved Cosette only as a father; but, as we noted earlier, into this fatherly love his lonely single status in life had introduced every other kind of love; he loved Cosette as his daughter, and he loved her as his mother, and he loved her as his sister; and, as he had never had either a lover or a wife, as nature is a creditor that does not accept nonpayment, that particular feeling, too, the most indestructible of all, had thrown itself in with the rest, vague, ignorant, heavenly, angelic, divine; less a feeling than an instinct, less an instinct than an attraction, imperceptible and invisible but real; and love, truly called, lay in his enormous tenderness for Cosette the way a vein of gold lies in the mountain, dark and virginal.”
I wanted to draw Scooby doo humanized with hippie vibes, and the whole gang as dogs,, maybe I draw them more(?? 👀✨
Honestly I love this because it implies that Scooby is just a guy with a bunch of dogs that drag him into trouble then somehow solve mysteries and crimes and he's just there like. My dog has a magnifying glass with her. Why. Why does she have that. And Shaggy (which is such a good name for a dog) is the only one close to acting like a regular dog. I also like to imagine that police will congratulate Scooby on solving another mystery and everytime he has to explain that it was actually his dogs that kept giving him clues and trying to put it together until he figured out what they were trying to communicate but no one in law enforcement believes him so everyone thinks he's a genius detective but in reality he just wants to go about his day, hang out with his cousins and chill with some snacks and his dogs (but 3 of his dogs are determined to solve mysteries and 1 comes along looking distressed everyday)
Oh hey look, the idea got EVEN BETTER
The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Phantom of the Opera and Beauty and the Beast all speak to one of humankind most consistent questions;
can French men be loved?
genuinely cant stop thinking about whatever early human first looked a literal wolf full in the face and thought domestication would be fun but ALSO cant stop thinking about the ENTIRE early human tribe that absolutely did NOT think to stop them
HOLD THE PHONE
Slightly related: I read a book by Rick McIntyre, who was official Wolf Guy at Yellowstone Park for 25 years (and studied wolves for 40 yrs total). He describes how, when they’re alone, wolves—both adults and pups—will pick up sticks or bones or bits of animal skin and toss them around to entertain themselves, the way you might toss a ball up and down. They essentially play catch by themselves.
So if wolves do this by themselves, in nature, that means that we saw them playing this game and thought “huh, that wolf enjoys fetching the stick it’s throwing for itself, maybe I could throw it further and it would like that more?” And thus began our two species’ mutual favourite game to play together
But the point is that they invented fetch
misspeachfoxley
they made fetch happen
I firmly believe that how feminist a book is is better demonstrated by its background characters rather than its mains
What I mean by this is that a book may have “feminist” female leads who are strong, competent, complex, whatever, but how do they portray women just...existing in the world? Are there women in the background, or is the fantasy novel with its strong independent Action Girl protagonists set on a background of generic male soldiers, guards, councilors, shopkeepers, messengers, and wizard apprentices? Are minor characters ever women when there’s no particular reason for them to be? When women appear in the background of your story, do they have any unique qualities that hint at a complex picture we’re not seeing or do they slide seamlessly into Pampered Noblewoman, Prostitute and Vaguely Maternal Older Woman Who Runs A Tavern Or Something?
If your protagonist is a fighter or magic user, do you show other women in those roles? If your society is more relaxed about sex discrimination, have you built a world that looks like it?
Have you built a world where your female characters don’t all have to be The Best At Everything, or is almost every female character placed where she can be extraordinary next to a bunch of male counterparts? Are you comfortable letting a female wizard or warrior be average or unimportant, or does she have to be one of the most skilled and powerful of them all, able to match or best all the men around her? On the other hand, are you comfortable having a female wizard or warrior be indisputably the most skilled or powerful out of the wizards or warriors, without drawing attention to her gender, placing her in competition with men, or having her be an exception to the rule because she’s female?
Are you letting your female characters be mediocre and un-extraordinary? Your world is full of powerful sorceresses, fierce battle maidens and calculating noblewomen, but do women do things in this world other than be Exemplary and Great and Awesome? If you’ve established that women do business and fight, do you have female soldiers carousing at bars and vaguely dull female Evil Minions Of The Dark Lord bumbling around doing evil bidding and female apprentices slacking on work or is every background woman we see competent and controlled and intelligent and doing whatever it is she’s doing without error, whereas only men are allowed to be foolish, impulsive, mess things up, or just be shown unflatteringly during the couple sentences we know them? In other words, does the world show women being unapologetically human beings or are all your female characters basically making up for being women by not doing anything that would badly represent their gender?
In particular, if you’re trying to show a society with gender equality, that means the dark lord is willing to hire women who are bumbling idiots as guards, and not just that some female wizards climbed their way to the top and became As Good As Men because they’re so badass they can snap god like a bunch of uncooked spaghetti.
The more despair I endure in life, the more I love Frodo. I'm just. I'm so glad that Tolkien wrote him like that. He was a hero and it broke him. He was given too much to carry. The circumstances were dire, everyone was doing the best they could, and Frodo tried so hard, for such a good cause, and he...broke. And the narrative has pity for him, the characters show him kindness. Even after victory, his hurts did not heal, and it isn't considered his fault. He must go to the undying lands, to seek out peace there. In universe, he is forgiven for being human - don't be pedantic - and his great torment is recognized. He fell. He could not have done it alone. He is still a hero.
And, I think that's important.
When I was a kid, the "Oh my god, you got so big!" comment from grown-ups used to really annoy me, because it felt broadly infantilising. But now, as an adult myself, I realise it had very little to do with me, and almost everything to do with said grown-up feeling suddenly attacked by the passage of time, yet not wanting to blurt out "shit, fuck, I just pissed away like four years of my life without noticing, then, huh?" in front of an 8-year-old.