NASAhoe2k18

sometimes I randomly think about the time a girl posted in this girls only Facebook group I’m in telling everyone how she broke up with her boyfriend and he lied saying that he lost the spare key she gave him, only to then break into her apartment when she wasn’t home and steal the cat they’d adopted while they were together, but then he denied having done this and she didn’t really have proof that he took the cat since he wouldn’t let her come into his place and look for it. And then another girl saw this post and knew her ex-boyfriend, and she was like “girl. I used to hook up with your mans back in xxxx and I still have his number. If you want, I’ll hit him up and get him to invite me back to his place and see if your cat’s there.” And the OP was like “bet.”

So this woman hit up homie dog, asked him out for drinks, went home with him, slept with him, and then woke up in the middle of the night and TOOK THE CAT. Like she had only said that she would confirm if the cat was there but then she took it upon herself to steal this woman’s cat back. Like she full on Trojan horsed this man and then hit up homegirl like “I got the goods. Where you wanna meet.” And then the two of them posted a photo of them together with the cat to the group.

And I just think women supporting women is so beautiful.

The next time you've got a friend over, set an example and put your phone on the table, visibly there but not too far away, to let them know that you're intentionally present, not distracted, your attention is undivided and you want to be fully focused on being right there to spend time with them. Don't mention it or draw attention to this, you're not doing this to be preachy or wanting praise, you just want to be a good friend and you value your friend's time. Ideally, your friend will either notice this or even pick it up without conscious notice, and set their own phone aside on the table as well.

Then, when your friend takes a minute to go to the bathroom, grab your phone and take a photo of your friend's phone sitting on your table. Do not touch it, and put your own phone back exactly where it was immediately once you've got the picture. Carry on with whatever you two were doing.

Once your time is up and your friend has left for home, wait for a good 15 minutes or so, for them to either get back home or be well on their way there. Text your friend, "hey, you forgot your phone", and send them the photo you took of their phone on your table. Set a stopwatch running from the moment your friend sees the message.

Measure how many seconds it takes for your friend to process this and tell you to go fuck yourself.

none pizza with left beef

It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef

ive missed you

Posted Oct 9, 2012

Lawyer: How would you like to handle the custody agreement?

Parent: I want my wife to take one of my infant daughters to the UK and I’ll take the other one and we will never see each other again.

Lawyer: You want to fucking what?

I can’t believe i’m being MADE to put in WORK to get a CAREER. I’m literally just a girl who likes to go on walks

#i love how they each have their own flavour of ‘the fuck is wrong with you’#padmé has the elegant side-eye#leia is just pure breathless glowering teeth-clenched outrage#rey can’t even believe this shit (via @anghraine)

I would have loved this post on principle, but that comment is gold

“It’s in gods hands and I am not praying” is such a line, y’all

Important if your in an abusive situation you can turn off this alarm

Please reblog to spread awareness

a special treat for those of us who enjoy watching sam reich torture his friends and/or employees

Oh no.

Please I am begging God, let this fucking genre die for 30 years. It was great at first, but Jesus fucking Christ. I'd like to watch more interesting big-budget not-shitty fantasy/sci-fi movies, not what's for kids, what can currently squeak through the cracks based on what shit director they have, or what huge IP they have behind it. Enough.

I am truly in awe of the penis poll and the snail race (aiming to draw) and stuff like that. Not because Tumblr finally gave us polls and the first thing we did was use them as a medium for cooperative games that aren’t polls. But because they keep succeeding! The E poll aside (excused because I think a lot of the respondents didn’t understand the aim), these polls are really really good at getting the desired result.

Which is amazing when you think about it, because the respondents don’t see the result until they click. Until we participate, we don’t know how long the dick is! We don’t know how big the balls are! We have no idea which snail is ahead! We have to make a guess on what other users have done and behave accordingly. “Oh yeah, but there’s a lot of respondents, just using probability you can – ” do you know how much variation you get in probability? And yet every time I see those snails, they are NECK AND NECK. That penis always has appropriately sized balls that are approximately the same size, to within about 4% of the poll! You’d think everyone would play it safe and just make a dick, but no – people knew it needed balls, they made a guess as to whether other people were giving it balls, and the proportions worked out! It could’ve gone the other way; lots of people could’ve been like ‘oh I be no one is doing the balls’ and they could be massive balls with a micropenis. Or one testicle could’ve gotten all the attention by accident, and we could’ve had a single-ball cock on our hands. But respondents are predicting each others’ behaviour with amazing precision, giving us results far more precise than you’d expect from random generation over so many different polls! Those snails are at EXACTLY FIFTY PER CENT every time I see them!

I am so proud of our collectively drawn dick and balls you guys.

Honestly it’s starting to weird me out.

Unless you were a tech at NASA back in the day, when one time some hydrogen a) escaped in a particular building, and b) caught on fire. This was extremely difficult because hydrogen does NOT burn on the visible spectrum humans evolved to see (and flee). Rather, it technically does, but it’s so pale that in practice, no one could see it. Additionally, pure hydrogen burns without smoke and with so little ambient heat that you can’t really sense it till you walk into it. So, per the lore, for a few days all the techs in that building just walked around brandishing brooms in front of them like lances. If your broom lit on fire, congrats! You have located more burning hydrogen! Do not proceed!

oh my god it's real and it was LITERALLY called "the broom method" holy shit

Im too young to be turning the age im turning this year

inspector gadget if he slayed

I love that people are going “oh I’m going to miss Dracula Daily so much!” as though this site isn’t obsessed with anniversaries and The Yearly Rebloggings.

Seeing people who left Tumblr because of the Porn Ban come back after Idiot Billionaire Douchebag bought the place and openly took a poo on the floor is amazing.

It’s like seeing friends from an old dead fandom return to where the true battles were fought and remember “oh right, this place sucks but at least is sucks because it’s barely functional and breaks when you look at it.”

Anyway, welcome back to Tumblr everyone who left.

Absolutely nothing has changed and in fact somehow this website breaks even more often now than it did in 2012.

A tragedy in 2 acts