Well, you know, the usual advice is "just go for it," "what have you got to lose," "ask them to go play laser tag with you because everybody loves laser tag," etc etc. But I don't get the impression that's what you really want to hear?

I think maybe it will help to ask yourself if you want to be someone's friend because you're interested in them as a person, or if you only want to be their friend so that you'll feel less lonely.

I think latching on to people to mitigate your own loneliness is what comes off as clingy or creepy. Because that's using people, you know? And nobody likes how that feels.

But if you're really interested in this person, and that invitation to laser tag comes from a genuine place, because you want to spend more time in their company, they'll feel that too. And that's a great feeling! We all want to know that people like being around us!

This is just my feeling, but I think if you approach your prospective friends with respect and sincerity, you can't really go wrong!

Sometimes it's hard! Especially when your disease stops you from working, or spending time with your friends, or working on hobbies, or, you know, all the other stuff you WANT to use to define yourself.

You guys know that I struggle with depression and anxiety. A "good day," for me, is one when I can go outside without psyching myself up first. A "bad day" is one when I can't make myself go outside at all. Sometimes I really want some M&Ms or something, but those are outside, so I don't get any. It's hard not to let that turn into the defining characteristic of my life. 

But the way I think of it is like--okay, imagine there's this person. They're great. They're smart, and funny, and they have interesting things to say; they're just a wonderful person to have around.

Then you strap a 200 pound boulder to their back.

They're still a wonderful person. They're just a wonderful person with a 200 pound boulder on their back. That's going to make a lot of things difficult for them! Like climbing stairs, or getting through doors, or going on second dates.

Some people will only see the boulder, too. They'll be like, "Ugh, there goes Boulder Girl, holding up sidewalk traffic again."

But not everyone is like that, and you don't have to think of yourself like that. Yeah, the boulder is a big deal. It's not like you're ever going to forget it's there. But there's still a person under the boulder. You can be a good and interesting and funny person even though you have to deal with this burden.

It's not fun, and I sure would like the boulder to go away, but I don't feel like I'm any less valuable a human being for lugging this thing around, and neither are you.

I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can say to make this feeling go away. Regret is just a part of having a conscience. Although it doesn’t really help to hear it, I am proud of you.

I am sure you have apologized and tried to make amends. It sounds like you are scared that you won’t be able to fix the trust you broke no matter what you do. That is a miserable feeling, and I am very sad to say that it might be true.

I know you are a good person, and I know you deserve to have friends. But it is possible that you won’t get to have THESE friends anymore. Maybe some or even all of them will forgive you, with time. But if you are already doing everything you can to make things right, then whether or not they let you back into their lives is up to them. The sad fact is that you don’t always get to fix the things you break.

You will know lots of people in your life, and have lots of chances to get things right. Whether these friends forgive you or not, I know you will have people in your life who love you again. And I know that you will treat them with more care. I don’t know how to make you feel better right now, and I don’t even know if that’s wise. But if this feeling weren’t so awful, it wouldn’t be strong enough to make us change.

Take care of yourself out there.

Yes, I am here! I am still reading all of your messages! I got a bunch of new ones all at once over the last two days, did I get linked from somewhere? I am working very hard on getting back into the right frame of mind to be able to update again, and I hope it will be very soon! I have been doing much better over the last week or two. Until then, I am thinking about you guys and this blog every day! Thank you all so much for your kind patience!

That is such great news, anon! Please give her all my best wishes! She is SO brave for pushing through her fear and depression and getting herself on the path to treatment! Big cheers from all of us, and good for you for supporting her like this!

I am not sure I understand the question, so here is a Boggle-owl getting ready for bath time. I hope this will suffice, since I can't make a proper answer.

Hi everybody.

You have all sent so many kind messages asking if I'm all right, I figure the least I can do is say something. For the past two months, I have been very, very depressed. I keep hoping it will break, and it hasn't. I am talking to my doctor about adjusting my medication, but these things take time. My depression is treatment-resistant and I have struggled with it for over ten years. It never really goes away, but it is rarely as bad as this. We are having money problems, which is I think what has set this off. I am sorry I've been gone. I love running this blog, and I miss all of you. Boggle is the first thing I want to get back to when this weight lifts.

I guess this is sort of the trade-off you get for following a blog about mental illness from somebody who actually suffers from mental illness; I'm not always well enough to run the blog. I wish I could be more reliable for you all. I want to be there for you, and maybe make things feel a little bit brighter for you, even if things aren't very bright for me right now. 

I know, when I am doing better than this, that I believe in people, and life, and the chance of recovery, and--on my best days--even myself. And I know that depression is a state of delusion, so anything I think now that I don't think when I'm feeling better is certainly untrue. But right now that is something I have to take on faith, and that faith is all I have. I am sorry I don't have more to give you. I will be back the minute that I do.

I hope you're taking care of yourselves out there.

Wow, that's really cool of you! Of course, go ahead!

This is the best thing I've read all day. Build that blanket fort for justice! 

Funny as it sounds, that's a really good sign!

If you didn't WANT to talk to her, that'd suggest to me that maybe your therapist just isn't the right fit for you. But being UNABLE to talk to her? That's a defense mechanism. It means that something was about to come up that you didn't want to think about, and the only way you could stop it from coming out was to stop talking completely. That's really frustrating when it happens, but it also means the therapy is working! It's bringing things to the surface that your illness desperately wants to keep suppressed. 

Therapy can be a weird, awkward experience. But if you respect your therapist, I would definitely say to go back! If she's any good, she'll be able to help you overcome that block, and you'll be able to really get to work!

If you're at college, there is a very good chance that your school will offer you free counseling. You can contact student services to find out what's available to you. Many colleges with psychology or social work programs also offer cheap-to-free counseling as a way of training their graduate students (these are always overseen by a licensed professional). Your campus may also have support groups that are relevant to your struggles and experiences. College offers so many options: please look into what you have access to, preferably before finals!

I (loosely) based Boggle off of eastern screech owls!

They're the kind of owl I used to see around when I was growing up.