Sup

Can we hear the pepper spray story?

it’s hard to frame this without sounding any more insane but uhhhh

brad calls me up to shoot something, and i oblige. so he pulls up and i find out that we’re recording a homemade episode of diners, drive-ins and dives where he’s dressed up as guy fieri and he tells me we’re going on a two hour road trip to someone’s house, and that person has no idea that we’re on the way there. so

we drive two hours and call this person three times from the parking lot of their apartment building and tell them to go to the door, where they’re of course astonished to find us there without any notice. 

he’s doing a guy fieri impression the whole time as we barge into this person’s living room and brad starts demanding that we get the house special, and the person who just let us into their home immediately does the polite thing and gets out their baking supplies and starts making us some poutine from scratch. like. every ingredient they make from scratch. and brad keeps dumping this bottle of what he’s calling “guy” sauce over everything.

so we finally get to the finished product, which smells abhorrent, and brad dumps the remaining bit of sauce onto everyone’s food, including me. he demands we all start eating and the moment it touched our lips, it was the singularly most painful bite of any food i’ve ever tasted. just blindingly spicy. so in a fit of rage, the houseowner grabs brad by the neck and asks him “what’s in the fucking guy sauce” while his face leaks every fluid that it has.  keep in mind brad ate a bunch of this stuff, about as much as he could physically bring himself to eat, so he’s just barely able to squeak out “pepper spray” before everyone loses their minds.

meanwhile, me and three other people are just silently suffering, having had only one bite of this shit before our gag reflex kicked in.

took me about a day to feel normal again.