In 4th grade, my bff was in a death feud over chess with a boy in our class but instead of competing like normal people they decided that the best way to determine who was chess master was for each of them to select one of the two biggest idiots in class and teach them to play chess, My Fair Lady style, and see whose idiot won. We are just now, 22 years later, grappling with the moral implications of this exercise.
oh the notes bubble is disgusting. get that out of my sight
yuck. euggh. bleughf
this is NOT healthy and actually extremely stressful for the animal. please let them freeroam this is actually sickening
This is an absolute religious experience that I was not prepared for
Whoever did the caps for this deserves an award
Can never not reblog this, a Scottish national treasure 😂
actually you know what that's exactly it i would rather someone add 5 parantheticals after every sentence than use tone indicators it's 1. accomplishing SO much more in terms of clarity 2. extremely funny to look at depending on how they're used
observe:
"is this real? /gen" — i thought /gen meant "general" for ages. i would not be able to understand this on first sight a few years ago and is thus ineffective
"is this real? (genuine question)" — i fully understand this without issue
"is this real? (genuine question) (can't tell) (very realistic) (looks real) (scary) (photoshop?)" — is not only incredibly clear it's also very funny to read all of these thoughts stapled together while also in their own parentheses. it's also the most useful because now i can actually address all parts of what they are asking me with as much specificity as BOTH of us need
Hopping on the Vine compilation bandwagon, part 1/?
Oh god, I lost it at the Tim Hortons one.
thefutureisbroken
I never saw the cheating test questions sequel before now and it did not disappoint.
It was a simpler time
This comp is a perfect mix of classics and hilarious ones that somehow I’ve never seen before
if someone does the “fine, you’re right, i’m clearly a terrible person, i’m satan, i’m the worst person alive, i should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate ppl and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim
stop tolerating this in 2k17 tbh. like really and truly, if you or your friend thinks this is okay pls call the hotline on the bottom of the screen and learn how to take responsibility for your bad behavior
redeyestakewxrning
The bad thing is I do this on a regular basis. Not because I want to manipulate people, but because that’s actually how I feel. I’m bad at receiving concrit. I can’t say that everyone who reacts this way feels the same as I do, but…not every case is like that.
have you considered that, regardless of your intentions, reacting in such an exaggerated way would make it very difficult for anyone to criticize you or tell you that you’re harming people with your behavior? i’m not interested in searching out people’s motives, i don’t really care why someone does or says manipulative things. being unable or unwilling to simply apologize and not make it about themselves is a solid indicator that a person is not interested in being held accountable for their bad behavior, and people, especially the injured parties in question, shouldn’t have to tolerate it.
take responsibility for your bad behavior 2k17 tbh
Okay, life lesson time.
When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I kept getting involved with people who would say, “Oh, I’m a bad person” any time I brought up ANYTHING that was the least bit of a disagreement.
Like, “Please don’t leave my X on the floor” would get, “Oh, I’m a horrible person!”
HERE’S WHY THIS IS A HUGELY PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR, and if you think I”m calling you out and you think you’re about to shut down, take a breath, remember that this is about learning, and keep reading.
What is important is what happened after. My boyfriend might say, “Oh, I’m just an awful boyfriend” and instead of him acknowledging the BEHAVIOR and working on fixing it, he’d get me trying to buck him up for the next half hour, telling him he was a good person. The behavior that started it all would not change.
Well, things led to things and I went back home to live for a while, and found that the same exact thing was happening… with my mother.
And then I learned about pattern arguments. Pattern arguments are the ones where you keep having the same nonproductive argument over and over again. They don’t all follow this pattern, but this is a really common one.
The trick?
BREAK THE PATTERN
First you have to know what the pattern is. In this case: 1. Grievance 2. Self deprecation 3. Ego stroking So, with my mother, we started in on one of these, and she said, “I guess I’m just a terrible mother.” And instead of reassuring her, instead of derailing the issue and letting it go… I said, “When you say that, it makes me wonder how terrible a daughter I could be that you would think you were a bad mother. We have this conversation this way over and over, and the problem that I have always gets pushed aside in favor of trying to make you feel better. When you’re willing to have a real conversation about this, I’m happy to talk to you, but I’m bored with this argument, so I’ll see you later if you want to really talk.” And I left the room. Now, my mom is a reasonably self-aware person, and does a lot of hard emotional work, and so she got it, very quickly. 10 minutes later she came out and found me, and we had a real conversation about whatever the hell the issue really was, and we have literally NEVER had that particular pattern argument again in 23 years. Boyfriend came to visit. I was upset about something, he started in on the “I’m just a shitty boyfriend” thing… and my response? “Yep. You are.” His jaw dropped. He blinked. And I said, “Look, that’s what you do. You say shit like that and it means you don’t have to change your behavior, and I’m tired of the pattern we have where I tell you something isn’t working for me, you tell me you’re terrible, and I spend half an hour making you feel better. I’m tired of it and I”m not doing it anymore. If you’re willing to have an actual conversation about this, and not just the same old argument, I’m game. But this thing we do where you talk yourself down and I butter you up? Is boring. And I’m over it.” We also did not have that argument again. (The relationship finally ended for real a while after, but it ended in a grown-up way, and not with a ridiculous meaningless fight.) When you knock yourself down, the gut instinct for the people around you is to pick you up. But that means you’re not pulling your weight in the relationship. You’re making them do the work and you’re not actually hearing them. So that brings us to another point:
How to deal with criticism
Okay, so if you’re not going to knock yourself down when someone says something negative about you, what DO you do? We don’t actually train people to take criticism well. But it is an art and a skill and NECESSARY to finding emotional stability in the face of a critical world.
I see it as a flow chart, but since the flow chart I made for it ended up in a book that I don’t own the copyright to (not a big deal) I’ll write out the decision tree here instead: 1. Someone offers criticism (constructive or not!)
2. Listen and think about it without immediately trying to defend yourself. You can say, “Okay, I need a moment to take that in and think about it because I want to understand it.” Or something else appropriate to the situation. It is okay to ask for time to think in most circumstances. Most people will appreciate that you are thinking about their words instead of immediately getting defensive or counterattacking. Think about whether what they are saying is valid, might be valid or is not valid.
3A. If it is valid, then you have a choice. You can try to fix the behavior or you can acknowledge that it is a valid criticism but decide you aren’t likely to fix it. Start by acknowledging the validity of the criticism, and then say what you’re going to do to fix it, or say that it’s valid but it isn’t something you’re willing (or possibly able) to change, or say that it’s a valid criticism and you’ll need to think about possible solutions. They may have a suggestion. Taking it or not is also a choice.
3B. If you’re not sure it’s valid, but it might be, tell them, “I really need to give this some more thought.” or “Can you tell me more about this? I’m not sure I understand the issue well.” Or “If you can point me at some reading material or search terms, I’d like to study this before I decide what I’m going to do.”
3C. If you know it is not a valid criticism, STOP a moment, and look at WHY they are making it. This is where Active Listening can be very helpful. “I hear you saying that X is a problem. I don’t see it that way right now but I’d like to understand better why you do.” Or if you think they don’t have enough information, “I hear you saying X, but my understanding of the issue is Y. Here’s what I know about it if you’re ready to listen.” If they’re just looking for a fight, tell them you’re not interested in fighting, and disentangle yourself.
4. If the criticism is something you are going to listen to and take action on, tell them what kind of action you’re going to take. If it’s something you’re hearing and thinking about, tell them that. If it’s not something you’re going to do anything about or it’s just wrong, thank them for their input and move on.
Literally never is it going to be helpful to say, “Oh, I’m just a terrible person.” That’s very much like a nonapology-apology in terms of how unhelpful it is to any conversation. It’s kind of worse because it actually expects emotional labor from someone who is already having to bring up something unpleasant with you. Think about what they say Decide whether you’re going to do something about it Do the thing, or tell them you’re not going to do the thing. Don’t demand emotional labor from other people when you were the one who messed up.
Apologize if appropriate. This is all predicated on the notion that you’re talking to someone who actually wants to communicate and isn’t just an asshole on the attack. Because seriously, the whole “I’m a terrible person” thing? Boring as fuck. Knock that shit off. Maybe you are. Maybe you aren’t. But take responsibility and have a little self-respect and don’t make others pick your emotional dirty towels off the metaphorical bathroom floor.
I tldr’d so it’s possible that I’m repeating something that was said above. But hear me out.
Until recently (I’m 32) I struggled with excruciating, INCINERATING feelings of shame every time I received criticism for something that harmed or inconvenienced someone in some way because that’s the last thing I ever want. I had the above reaction because whenever I messed up (which was a LOT), I genuinely believed I was a horrible person.
Enter semantics and the difference between shame and guilt. I was reading up about this on Psychology Today. Guilt is the distress you feel when you realise you’ve done something you disapprove of. Shame is when the guilt of so many wrongdoings and screw-ups filters down to your sense of self and you start feeling that those bad things define you, that this is you and this nature of you as a bad person is something immutable and inescapable. It’s the difference between “I’m sorry, I’m normally not like that” and “I’m sorry, I’m always like that”.
And like, I get it. It can certainly FEEL that you are indeed a rotten, good-for-nothing person when for a large chunk of your life (months, years, in my case decades, I’m ancient) you’ve had nothing to show for it but screw-ups, assholery and failure. You start feeling that there is no escape, that you’re doomed to be that person you hate and everyone is right to hate you and be upset with you but there’s just nothing you can do about it. You’re stuck. Trapped. You want to change, you wish that were possible, but there is no escape.
But here’s the thing. Your nature is NOT immutable. You are not stuck, statistics be damned. Your past actions might not define you now, but they won’t define you forever. After all, you weren’t always the asshole you see yourself as now, were you? Yes, yes, I know, you always were that underneath, it’s just that your outer layers got shed and now there’s only your ugly, misshapen core. No. That’s bullshit. Your nature, your wishes, your intentions are one of the few, perhaps the ONLY thing you’ll never NOT be able to change. And let that be your sliver of hope. As long as you can give up, on that, you can make progress, however slow. Focus your will on always doing something about the things you don’t like about yourself, however small. On never quitting. On always taking some steps to be better, even if it’s a crawl, even if you have setbacks and relapses and your sandcastle falls to ruin every fucking time. Because remember, what you build by your force of will is all you’ll ever truly have. Force yourself to see that your character is not set in stone. You are malleable. You have potential. Whatever made you the way you hate may have left a mark, may have crushed you, but you owe it to yourself to beat it. You will not admit defeat!
And that is how you will eventually achieve that “taking of responsibility” and “owning up to your mistake” everyone is going on about. You will take control. You will forge yourself into the person that messes up, apologizes, vows to do better and follows through. You will learn to bear the weight of your own mistakes instead of burdening others with them and then getting crushed by the additional burden THAT guilt brings. You will stand up as a fully-fledged, responsible human who learns and grows and picks up after themselves. When you stop accepting to be a victim, you will become the person you want to be.
Important if your in an abusive situation you can turn off this alarm
Please reblog to spread awareness
A girl stands alone in a field. The weight of the world is placed on her shoulders.
A farmer walks past. “please. help.” The girl says.
The farmer responds. “can’t you see I’m hauling this load of hay? How selfish must you be, asking me to set aside my own burden to help you”.
The farmer leaves.
A girl stands alone in a field. The weight of the world is placed on her shoulders.
A noblewoman walks past. “please. help.” The girl says.
The noblewoman responds. “Help you? You seem to be managing well on your own. How lazy must you be, asking for me to help a burden you can very well carry”.
The noblewoman leaves.
A girl stands alone in a field. The weight of the world is placed on her shoulders.
A knight walks past. “please. help.” The girl says.
The knight responds. “Whoever would I help you? Every man is given a burden to carry. How weak must you be, asking your burden be relieved”.
The knight leaves.
A girl stands alone in a field. Tears flow down her face. Her back is breaking. Her arms are so weak. She hasn’t felt her legs in days. The weight of the world is still on her shoulders. She lets it go. She is crushed.
News of the girl’s death reaches the capital.
“What a shame” said the farmer. “if only I could have helped”.
“What a shame” said the noblewoman. “if only I could have helped”.
“What a shame” said the knight. “if only I could have helped”.
A great memorial is erected in the capital, honoring the girl who gave so much.
“So selfless” said the farmer.
“So driven” said the noblewoman.
“So strong” said the knight.
“If I had met the girl” says the farmer, “I would’ve taken the weight from her. It would be easy for me to stow it in my cart”.
“If I had met the girl” says the noblewoman, “I would’ve taken the weight from her. I carry so little, it’s the least I could do”.
“If I had met the girl” says the knight, “I would’ve taken the weight from her. I am strong and noble, I could surely carry such a burden more readily than she”.
The girl is still dead.
That last line…
Sun Tzu is so fucking funny to me because for his time he was legitimately a brilliant tactician but a bunch of his insight is shit like "if you think you might lose, avoid doing that", "being outnumbered is bad generally", and "consider lying."
My personal favourite is his lengthy lecture on the subject of Supplies Being Very Important I Cannot Stress Enough The Importance Of Protecting Your Supply Lines But Also Supply Lines Are Expensive As Shit So Steal The Enemy’s Supplies At Every Opportunity.
One of the more important things to consider about any historical work is the audience it was published for. The Art Of War was aimed at fancy nobles high on philosophy with little practical military experience who were nonetheless leading armies.
Sun Tzu, after desperatly trying to explain extremely basic logic to a bunch of upper-class twits, basically sat down and wrote the most elaborate "As per my last email" ever
fuckthisbloganditscurses
Happiness Will Come To You.
gaymacs
when tho
sandvendor100
When You Least Expect It. Probably Late March
reblog for happiness to come for you in late march!
voidfished
I reblogged this last year and I hung out with blink-182 backstage on March 30. Reblogging again because it worked the first time.
honestly, last year one of the best days of my life happened in late March
"you read a lot, right?"
"yes!"
"what are some books you've read recently?"
"uhh i don't remember"
me looking up exactly what a 1987 hubba bubba gum wrapper looked like so that I can describe it with 100% historical accuracy in my fanfiction that three people are going to read
I’m not sure why I actually did this but here you go. XD
THANK YOU!
HELP THIS MAKES IT SO MUCH FUNNIER
So you agree the existence of billionaires requires the existence of poverty to thrive?
Well, see, when you live in a society where people can lead a good, healthy life WITHOUT being rich and mental health care exist maybe "billionaire" isn't that big of a goal.
It will forever baffle me that such a proudly Christian nation like US is so obsessed with wealth accumulation.
This is money cat. He only appears every 1,383,986,917,198,001 posts. If you repost this in 30 seconds he will bring u good wealth and fortune.
people talk a lot about how wild shit would have gotten in the fire nation if zuko had joined the gaang at the end of season 2 but i think we’re ignoring that there’s a solid chance that in “The Runaway” zuko and toph would have ended up committing actual highway robbery
katara: can you believe the rest of them? you’re the only other person responsible enough to know not to pull these ridiculous scams–
zuko: oh, sokka said i’m not allowed to
katara: what?
zuko: i suggested a thing i used to do all the time when uncle and i were on the run. i don’t know why sokka didn’t like it, it’s the simplest scam ever
katara:
katara:
katara:
katara: do i want to know
zuko: it’s the one where i point my swords at somebody and they give me all their money. worked every time.
zuko: [is asleep]
toph, earthbending him to the top of the hill away from the rest of the group and then kicking him awake: rise and shine sokka’s asleep let’s go rob some people
zuko, pulling his dao out of his sleeping bag: sick let’s go
