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Letters I Will Never Send

@bloodlettersandburials

All my grief and sorrow

apparently we r doing this again

Selective Mutism: an anxiety disorder. The inability to talk is caused by social anxiety due to the people and/or situation around the selectively mute individual. Often starts in childhood.

Speech Loss: a term for being unable to speak for a certain period of time, usually due to autism-related reasons (e.g. being overwhelmed or burnt out). Can overlap with Selective Mutism, the disorder, but it is not the same thing. (For one, SL is a trait; SM is a whole disorder.)

Nonverbal/Nonspeaking: a term for people who are always or almost always unable to talk. If you're unable to talk for an hour/day/week, you're not "going nonverbal"; you're "losing speech". If you've never been able to talk more than a few utterances, that's nonverbal.

Semiverbal/Semispeaking: a term for people who struggle greatly to speak to communicate. This might include taking awhile to form sentences, speaking with very few words, relying on echolalia, using gestures to communicate, and not always making sense to others.

Hyperverbal: people who speak more than what's typical, though we can still experience speech loss. This can include things like having a large vocabulary, using more words than necessary/usual to say something, talking to ourselves, talking for the sake of talking, using a lot of non-communicative echolalia, not realizing we're talking, or rambling often.

A Note: over time, your place on the verbalizing spectrum (nonverbal, semiverbal, average, hyperverbal) CAN change, but that's not, like, "oh i was hyperverbal this week and nonverbal last week"; it's about overarching patterns. Additionally, Selective Mutism does not inherently put someone at a certain spot on the verbalizing spectrum.

Laß dem anderen die Freiheit,
seinen eigenen Weg zu geh'n!
Laß ihm Ruhe, laß ihm Zeit,
die Welt aus seiner Sicht zu seh'n.

Allow others the freedom

to go their own way!

Leave them alone, give thrm time

to see the world from their point of view.

Anonymous author

I was a sick child in so many ways, always bent with allergies, forever frozen, bloated, out of my body. Because there was no refuge anywhere, I believed that I had to adapt to my shitty life, so every year I tried to accept it, accept the turmoil, the suicidal ideation my mother’s presence left me in. The way her groping fingers left my body forever in a state of distress. I didn’t know peace or reprieve. I only felt an anger I couldn’t express, and the more I wanted to, the more I grew fearful of doing so, inevitably shutting down.

Fariha Róisín, from Who Is Wellness For?: An Examination of Wellness Culture and Who It Leaves Behind

Fariha Róisín, from Who Is Wellness For?: An Examination of Wellness Culture and Who It Leaves Behind

[Text ID: “I never fought back, I learned how to cry silently, I bore my sins.”]

Carlota Caulfield, tr. by Chris Allen & Carlota Caulfield, from These Are Not Sweet Girls: Poetry by Latin American Women; "For Albert, The Terrible"

[Text ID: "and I indulge myself / by touching your hands"]