Idk Man, Shit’s Fucked.

Ito lang siguro ang issue ng Vogue Philippines na gusto kong bilhin.

I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

FINE! I'll do it myself

Why did 12 people reblog this today??? IT IS ONLY AUGUST!!!

Babe, you okay? you reblogged “and we were nice to each other” like 12 times again

i am never talking to a cishet person again. did you know some of these people believe that watching porn is cheating

queers are out here having five dimensional sex and cishets are living in the stone age...... we have to enlighten them......

#I know a guy whose ex made him stop masturbating cause she said it counted as cheating

WE HAVE TO FUCKING HELP THEM WHAT DO YOU MEAN MASTURBATING IS CHEATING . CHEATING WITH WHO.

i love that you can get high off of nutmeg and it fucking sucks so you get videos like this

Omg so I did a project on nutmeg highs for a college level psychopharmacology class one time. It’s my favorite project ever.

Some highlights about nutmeg (might not be perfectly up to date but we’re accurate as of the early 2010s):

There are only 2 known fatalities attributed to “overdoses” on nutmeg. One of them was an 8 year old boy in the 1800s who ate several grams….. To treat him, the doctors injected a combination of brandy (yes, the liquor), a smidge of cocaine, and some other highly questionable substances I don’t remember the exact details of. (May edit this post later to add them). After the “treatment,” he died. Was it the nutmeg that killed him or the (literal) cocktail straight to the blood that could perhaps kill a grown man? The world may never know.

Update: it was 14 grams, and in 1908.

The dose of nutmeg needed to get high is approximately 5 grams. The toxic (NOT lethal, toxic just means ‘starts to make you feel some degree of very sick’) is also 5 grams. This means that in basically every instance in which a person successfully uses nutmeg to get high, they also feel very ill. Most people report nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain, at the very least.

The nutmeg community is WILD. Part of my project required that I quote actual users from testimony somewhere online. The stories I read were so absurd that they still live in my head rent-free almost a decade later. Every single story (except ONE, see below) were indeed tales of utter misery.

One was a guy who ate 10g of nutmeg before his sister’s wedding. He reported that the wedding was “not very enjoyable” as “the cake tasted like dirt” and dancing felt like “being a puppet pulled poorly and roughly around by a bad marionette.”

Another reported doing nutmeg and becoming convinced he had destroyed his brain. He said he stared out the window of his second floor apartment and “looked down at the other people, the normal people, the ones who weren’t going to be 30 IQ points stupider for the rest of their lives. I envied them for what they had. They didn’t even know. I would never be like them again.” He reported that he was fine a day later after the high wore off, and swore he’d never do it again. I still remember his username. RIP thelittletripperthatcouldnt.

The final guy, though. His story was the strangest. He LOVED nutmeg. He nut(meg)ed every day. For 12 hours each day he would watch porn and do nutmeg. He had done this for months. He was happy. He recommended nutmeg to everyone. I did not include his take in my presentation.

The title of the presentation was “why you shouldn’t do nutmeg”. I used the Chiller font. Don’t do nutmeg, kids.

My favorite fun fact about this is that Malcolm X talked several times about taking nutmeg.

My favorite not so fun story is from the time I interned at a vegan bakery. I got to hear the story of a guy who used to work there who just really liked the taste of nutmeg and didn't know it would get you high, so he loaded up a milkshake with three tablespoons of nutmeg at the start of his shift. He spent the rest of the shift curled up in a corner hallucinating that bats were attacking him.

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ever since my gf and i moved in together a couple years ago i've been semi-regularly executing something i call a "prank night." this is something you want to do frequently enough that it's not a special occasion, but spontaneously enough to make it a prank. the set-up for a prank night is simple

now you can execute the four core aspects of the prank night

The Look On The Girlfriend's Face Will Be Awesome!

Thank you to all the people who agree that having to viscerally reject a feature once a week is a part of tumblr culture we can all get behind (and loathe)

Still feels weird that the same band made "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" and "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"

It's like if Smash Mouth and Fall Out Boy were one band.

The Offspring are honestly a contender for the funniest punk band ever, made even funnier by the fact that Dexter Holland is pushing 60 now and has a PhD in virology.

Like imagine being on an academic committee and reviewing a dissertation on HIV protein-encoding genomes and it's from a guy with frosted tips whose greatest legacy is the Crazy Taxi soundtrack.

That's the Offspring.

We’re talking about the hilarious band that is Offspring? Good, I have things to say:

1. I have their albums on vinyl and on the record they’ll say stuff like “yeah, just lay back and do nothing”, or “wow that song was amazing”, and it comes out of nowhere.

2. Saw them live this year; 30 minutes before they get on they’ll have a big count down with a gorilla shooting shirts into the crowd with a bazooka. They have kiss cams, dance cams, drink cams etc. They do quizzes. It’s mayhem.

3. Speaking of their live shows, their playlist during the wait consisted out of the Spice Girls and Darude Sandstorm. That’s not a joke.

4. They pride themselves on the fact they are not a serious band. Nothing about them is taken in serious context. They don’t need to. They’re Offspring.

In conclusion, they’re so stupid, I love them

That sounds like a great concert

“The Bookwyrm” (a study of ‘The Bookworm/Librarian” by Carl Spitzweg)

details and reference images below the cut!

Keep reading

If it doesn’t end this way, I’m rioting. XD

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

sometimes it just ends up being something like

ITS BACK

lord 

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

Please stop reblogging this post

This post made my water break

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

WHAT

God, I love this accursed website.

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!

ok! ♥️

SewBeautifulx on Etsy

No, no. I can have one more shot, I swear. I won’t start behaving like a flamboyantly gay pansy stock character in a pre-code film again. I swear. You can trust me. Darling, you must trust me.

me. me when a poem says something ive felt before

Once you get to a certain level of advanced maths, you basically become a wizard.

this is what a page of my wizards spellbook looks like

Sounds like something a wizard mocking another wizard for their poorly written spellbook would say

You deserve love now. Not once you lose weight. Not once you accomplish that thing. Not once you move. Not once you get on medication. Not once you start therapy. Not once you get that job. Not once you're more like them. Now. You don't have to earn the right to be loved. You deserve it right now, and always have.

Boob morning, breasties. Let’s get that bread today.

(The “bread” is proper rest, various meals throughout the day, drinking water and staying hydrated, enjoying each other’s company, having fun, and being as gay as possible.)

I'm awake, refreshed, and ready to be bread

Not the pun we wanted but the pun we knead

It was the yeast I could do