King Princess at Hangout Music Festival 2019

Photos by Payton Abner

First of all I’m gay so jot that down

On the Pottermore website, J.K. Rowling explains how wizards poop. There’s an excerpt about the Chamber of Secrets that says wizards didn’t need toilets because they ‘simply relieved themselves where they stood, and vanished the evidence.’ Source Source 2

i fucking hate jk rowling so much because years and years after this franchise has ended she is still continuing trying to make it bad to the point where she said that every character in harry potter canonically shits themselves and then casts a shit vanishing spell 

fuck this is b a d

This reminds me of the hufflepuff group masturbation tweets

The what?

Just imagine you’re taking a test for potions with Snape and the guy sitting next to you just fucking shits himself the nastiest, slimiest shit of his life out of stress. And you literally have to sit there with a straight face while fuckin Todd JingleJangles cleans himself up in the dead quiet room with some stupid ass line like “vanish me poopum” and you just gotta live with the knowledge that some kid just shit himself beside you during a fucking test.

how do you delete someone elses post

I am in tears

Joe what the fuck did you make me read

This gotta be fake

They literally have bathrooms in Hogwarts like theyre pretty important to the plot too did jk just forget about that? The bathroom where myrtle lives (she literally dives into a toilet)? The prefects bathroom? How can she claim there’s no bathrooms??? this post gave me mesothelioma and I feel entitled to compensation

I got to “vanish me poopum” and lost my mind. I’ve been cry laughing for about five minutes.

shouta aizawa, collapsing into his sleeping bag: i cannot deal with ONE more loud person today

present mic, crashing through the door: HEY SHOUTA MY MAN WANNA GET FOOD

aizawa: mic… thank god you’re here, today has been the worst

You know I had to do it

I’d like to introduce everyone to my new theme song

MY HEART WILL GO ON….

credit: ian.zaro / ig

I can hear this without sound

THIS IS THE SHIT LOL😂😂

This is the freaking best

The lighting bloom makes this feel like it was filmed in heaven

it was

so hey who else was taught as a kid that “”””wanting attention”””” in any way was wrong and shameful and has grown up unable ask for help or support even in great distress/suffering

Parent: why do you never come to me for help

(two days later)

Me: I need help with something

Parent: CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF GOD YOU’RE SO-

Me: never mind

And don’t forget the You Can Tell Me Anything (Except Things I Don’t Want to Hear)™.

Bonus round of You Can Tell Me Anything (But If I Don’t Like It You’re In Big Trouble Even If You’re Asking For Help)

I’m Always Here For You! (Until You Upset Me In Any Way)™.

I’ll take ‘You Never Ask For Help (But When You Do I Take Over The Task, Refuse To Let You Contribute, And Mock And Infantilise You)’ for 500, Alex

trans women names r like 22nd century cyberpunk hacker jewel thieves and trans man names are like drowned victorian children

exactly as it should be

if i may add: nb names are often just like. Nouns. I had a classmate once named Brick and that is the single most powerful name ive ever heard

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) dir. Joe Johnston

@maizawaweek Day 1: Firsts/Surprises “The first time Hizashi sees Shouta smile”

These guys

it seems so strange to me that the only people it is socially acceptable to live with (once you reach a certain stage in life) are sexual partners? like why can’t i live with my best friend? why can’t i raise a child with them? why do i need to have sex with someone in order to live with them? why do we put certain relationships on a pedestal? why don’t we value non-sexual relationships enough? why do life partners always have to be sexual partners?

My grandmother and grandfather more or less adopted my grandmother’s best friend back in the 50s. After my grandfather died (before I was born, back in 1968 or so) they continued to keep house together, platonic best friends, and they hung together until they died, a few months apart, in 2007.

It’s quite recently, as far as I can tell, that living arrangements like that have stopped being regarded as normal.

It’s absolutely a new thing to find this stuff weird, and it has a lot to do with media pretending that the nuclear family and marriage are the only reasons to live with other people.

I’ve lived in a 3 adult household my whole life. My parents and their best friend. This was never weird to me, even though everyone my age thought it was because the media never portrayed these kinds of housing arrangements. As far as i was concerned, I just had an extra non-blood parent.

According to my parents, it was very common in the 70′s-80′s to buy houses with your friends, because it was financially smart to do so (so long as you were certain they were close friends who wouldn’t fall out with you and fuck everything up). Houses and house payments are much more manageable when you split the bills 3-4 ways instead of just two.

Millenials aren’t the first to think it’s a great idea to just shack up with friends. That’s housemating without the hastle of living with strangers. It’s still a good idea to shack up with people you’ve known a long time so you know how you’ll get on living together, but still. In the current economy, it’s pretty much now our only option for affording anything.

I think, and I’m not researched on this, but I think conservatives probably tried to suppress images of non-nuclear families because they likely thought it would encourage ideas of polygamy, polyamory, open sexual relationships with or without marriage, as well as other relationship types they thought of as un-christian or unsavoury. I could be wrong, but that shit wouldn’t surprise me.

(And i want to make a note that there’s also a disturbing amount of asexual denial around that makes people go ‘if they’re living together they HAVE to be banging because why wouldn’t they?’ and that shit both creeps me out and annoys me no end. People can be in relationships without sex. People can live together without sex. Sex is not the be-all and end-all and people being taught to think it is really need to stop).

Don’t let the media fool you into believing you can only live with a sexual partner or blood family. Someone somewhere has an agenda for making these seem abnormal, when really it’s just practical.

A lot of people acted like it was super weird when two of my brothers decided to move states with me when I started my postdoc. I got really used to giving a little canned speech about it because it seemed to bewilder people so much. (Their leases happened to be up! We could share rent! They wanted to try somewhere new!)

The notable exception was my grandma, who was just like, “oh, yes, when we were young my sister and I decided to move cross-country together and it was lovely.”

More of this kind of thing for everyone, pls.

The implication that close sibling relationships must also be a warning sign for incest also peeves me off; what kind of society are we living in anyway

#my mom’s a historian#does a lot of research#one of the main takeaways from the census data of literally every US census since the beginning#is that the nuclear family has never been the actual norm#nobody really ever lived like that#and a lot don’t now#and it’s clearly artificial and not ideal for most people#every household in the census had at least a grandma#usually a cousin#some rando#someone living in the house who wasn’t mom or dad or kid#always someone#usually several someones#some uncles etc.#unmarried aunties#that sort of person#but often unrelated friends#we’ve never really lived alone#that’s not how families work#that’s not how humans work  

tags by @bomberqueen17

Having a multi-adult household unit also just makes a shit-ton of sense, tbh. Much easier to split not only the bills, but also the housework and child-rearing responsibilities. Communal living ftw.

It’s also super a capitalism thing.

With only two working-age people in the house, it’s very difficult to make ends meet without one of them (or increasingly, these days, both of them) working away the vast majority of their waking hours to earn enough money to support the household. The other person, if they aren’t also working similar hours, is there to support that working person, full time, with unpaid labour.

The end result of this is that nobody has any time or energy to spend together properly, and they just end up tired and miserable and shackled to their work, throwing money at their problems because it’s all they can do. It’s very easy to convince tired, miserable people to spend their money in the ways you want them to, and it’s also very easy to manipulate and oppress people who don’t have the energy or the means to fight for their rights. Convince a whole nation that this is the way the world is supposed to work, and you’ll be well away.

Death to the cancerous myth of the nuclear family.

Mystic Jew Powers

I don’t think I’ve ever written this down before. This is the story of the first time I played a shofar (as I remember it, not as it happened).

So it’s the mid 90s and I’m in primary school (‘elementary’, my dear yanks). We were doing Religious Education and learning about Judaism, I think for the first time. The teacher didn’t really know anything about Judaism that wasn’t written in the book, so he kept asking me, since I was the Only Jewish Kid In The Class (only jewish kid in the school in fact, except my sister). I wasn’t very religious, but I was doing my best to make up reasonable sounding answers. Anyway, the school had somehow got hold of a shofar. (If anyone’s religious education wasn’t up to the stellar standards of mine, the shofar is the ram’s horn that’s blown like a trumpet as part of the ceremony of certain jewish holy days). The shofar was passed around the class, and of course, hygene be damned, everyone tried to play it. But it’s not an easy instrument to play, there’s more to it than just blowing. So everyone is puffing and wheezing and red in the face, and the best anyone can get out of this thing is a pitiful squeak. But we’ve all just seen the guy on the VHS tape with the hat and odd hairstyle blowing it, and we heard the tooting noise come out of the tinny little speakers of the TV on the wheely cart, so we know this isn’t right. Is our shofar broken or something? Is it blocked up?

Finally the shofar gets around to me, and I am psyched all the way up. I haven’t played a shofar before, but I’m determined to get some kind of noise out of this damn thing, because my heritage is looking silly right now. The burden of upholding the dignity of Judaism itself falls upon my narrow shoulders. So, I take the biggest breath I possibly can, and put the shofar to my lips. Everyone’s looking at me, because I’m The Only Jewish Kid In The Class. And the thing that nobody in the room (including me) is thinking about, is the fact that I’m also The Only Trumpet-Player Kid In The Class. I only know one way to blow into an instrument. It happens to be the right way. And I do it, just as hard as I possibly can.

If you haven’t heard a shofar played properly in person, it’s not easy to describe. Recordings don’t capture it at all. Maybe it’s just because you usually hear it in a context of fasting and extreme reverence, but nonetheless a shofar blast (and that’s what they call it, a “blast”) is an amazing sound. The shofar sounds like raw naked power, it sounds like righteous fury. It sounds like more noise than a single human could ever make, yet it has a property like a human voice, like a bellow, a howl, like a newly bereaved mother splitting her lungs with blood and thunder. It’s a BIG sound, in the sense that it’s very loud, but also in the sense that it seems to fill whatever space it’s in, to come from all directions at once. It makes sense that the ancients gave it religious significance. When you hear the shofar’s call, the story of the Walls of Jerico tumbling down doesn’t seem that crazy.

So, it’s not possible to play a shofar quietly, and I’m giving the thing everything I’ve got in a little red brick classroom in southeast london. I can feel the room resonate and shake, hear the single-glazed windows rattle in their frames. I’m having a great time - this is the loudest noise I’ve ever made in my short life! And it’s in school! And I’m allowed to do it! So I keep going as hard as I can until my little lungs give out. I remember surfacing, out of breath and grinning, and listening as the antique cast-iron pipes throughout the building slowly stopped reverberating over the slack-jawed silence of the room.

The kids of course have seen enough TV to know exactly what happened. The Shofar knew I was Jewish. Obviously it’s not going to unleash that kind of unearthly sonic firepower for just anyone. Shofars only work for Jews. And the teacher is like “…That doesn’t sound right… but I don’t know enough about Judaism to dispute it?”. I didn’t offer any other explanations, because why would you demystify your Mystic Jew Powers?

And I’m writing this because I just realised that there were perhaps 30 kids in that class, and there just aren’t very many jews in southeast london to set them right, so it’s quite possible that there’s at least one 25 year old adult out there who still believes that the Shofar is a Holy Sacred Artefact which will Sound its Mighty Voice for none other than God’s Own Chosen People. And that cracks me up.

bringing this back for a happy new year

u know that thing where an animals grow in a far off place and some idiot introduces him to a new habitat and it turns out its characteristics that help them in their own sometimes are too helpful in the new one and they become like an invasive species yeah thats the word i was missing anyway back to my point i think i saw a human version of that just now i was driving in tonights snow storm and i saw a man wearing a big ass cowboy hat to keep the snow off him and a bandit red bandana to keep it off his face and a big ass pancho to keep him warm and nice ass cowboy boots to keep his calves dry and he was prancing along while everyone on the road looked miserable and frozen solid and idk i guess the point im trying to make here is i feel like cowboys would have taken over russia if given the chance or something

Baron Vaughn (x)

I’ve never seen such an appropriate font change in a gif set.

So as you may know, I’m literally always down for talking about erasermic. You could start me off with one sentence like “do you think Mic ever played d&d” and then two hours later you’ll be begging me to stfu as I passionately rant about how Aizawa would play a paladin. I’ve actually said that before as a joke, but then of course I started thinking about it, and since my life motto is that if I must suffer, all must suffer, I’d like to share my cursed thoughts with all of you.

Mic would be that one asshole who memorizes every single rulebook and uses his forbidden knowledge to entirely derail Tensei Iida’s carefully crafted campaign with his min-maxed, ‘roll to seduce is a valid strategy for every encounter’ bard. Aizawa WOULD play a rogue at first, because that’s the character Tensei made for him, but he doesn’t seem to enjoy the game much, just goes along with it because his friends need another player. UNTIL one day Mic is like “btw Shouta’s rogue died in a mysterious claymore accident, he’s playing a paladin now” and everyone is like “uh, okay” especially Aizawa because he was not consulted. But he LOVES his paladin and makes him uphold his Oath to protect innocent NPCs, even when the rest of the group literally begs him not to.

Mic is the guy who’s like “According to ‘Beyond Damage Dice’ Kayama’s whip can restrain her opponent as PART of her regular attack, NOT in addition. Strength saves” throughout the game. Tensei has tried everything to kill his bard but Mic keeps seducing his way out of trouble and Aizawa keeps healing him. Nemuri finds the whole thing hilarious but Tensei thinks she’s on his side.

Then one day, during the last fight at the end of the campaign, they have to defeat fucking Tiamat. It’s not going great; Mic’s bard is almost dead, Nemuri’s sorcerer is unconscious, so it’s all down to Aizawa. His weapons don’t work on the dragon, and he’s out of spell slots. He and Mic exchange looks. Aizawa knows what he has to do.

“I roll to seduce.”

Tensei is like “wtf. Charisma is your dump stat. You’re absolutely going to fail.”

Mic interrupts. “Hold on. On my last turn I used a bonus action to give him bardic inspiration. That adds 1d6 to his roll. Kayama, if you give him your inspiration token, he’ll have two tries. He can make it!!!”

“Okay, you know what, fine,” Tensei says, a broken man. “But you have to RP it.”

“WHAT” everybody yells.

“RP it. Seduce Tiamat. I wanna see your moves.”

“Fine.” Aizawa leans across the table, too close to Tensei, who immediately regrets every choice he’s ever made that brought him to this place and time. Aizawa smiles, too-wide. It’s terrifying. He should have rolled to intimidate. “Hey…”

The table is silent, until finally Nemuri is like… “it might work on a dragon.”

“Whatever, just roll,” Tensei says, fists clenched in anticipation of murdering all of them.

Aizawa rolls the d6 first and gets a four. “Solid. Good work,” Mic says. “Now you get two tries for the d20. I believe in you, Shouta. I believe you can inspire this dragon’s thirst.” He looks serious. It all hangs on this.

Aizawa rolls: a 7. Not even close. He picks up the dice again, a determined expression on his face. Everyone holds their breath as the dice rolls across the table before landing directly in the center. A. Natural. 20.

The room explodes. Tensei is on the ground pulling his hair because now he has to RP Tiamat enamored with Aizawa’s grumpy paladin. Nemuri is losing her shit. Tears are testing the limits of her waterproof eyeliner. Mic and Aizawa fistbump silently.

“I knew you had it in you, man,” Mic would smirk.

“For the good of the party,” Aizawa would reply.

“Hey Sho what ever happened to your ex?”

“we broke up on mutual grounds remember”

“Oh that’s right! The whole, wanting to destroy humanity thing or whatever”

“Being a massive dragon also got in the way of a healthy relationship so we cut it off”

-Mic and Aizawa fucking with their classes

When asked, Mic whips out a picture of teenage Aizawa (assuming they were in high school) and the picture has a hand drawn Tiamat scribbled in at his side. Aizawa obviously posed for the picture and has his arm “around” the badly drawn dragon next to him. One head is kissing his cheek. Another is making a ducky face. Another is breathing fire into the distance.

Nemuri to this day bursts into overdramatic tears over the “breakup”

To this day Mic still tries to convince Aizawa to get a tattoo of a 5-headed dragon surrounded by a heart. Aizawa always refuses, claiming it’s too awkward to be stuck with such a permanent reminder of your ex

When you late to class and they doing Tardy Sweeps in the hall

I’ll admit it, I’m impressed.

Spider girl?

Penni Parker at it again

did anyone else have the fucking. dolphin girls at school

they were like horse girls except they couldnt ht gfbfnfbnfj eb do sorry a mojth started attacking me

its dive bombing me like its world war 2 im just tryn to shit

toilet roll now controlled by enemy forces

anyway dolphin girls where like horse girls but since they couldnt get their own dolphins they always had 24 books called like “sparkle glimmer cove” wherever they went

OKAY THIS CAME UP ON MY ACTIVITY AGAIN. WHY WON’T YOU LET THIS POST DIE IT HAS BEEN 4 YEARS PLEASE

Someone find that post of that dude who gets stuck in an elevator cause that has this exact energy

@shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey

Exactly the same energy thank you my comrade

HI YES I ADORE THIS

The holy trinity

IT HAS BEEN YEARS FOR ALL 3 OF US PLEASE

NO. THIS WILL KEEP GETTING NOTES.

I WILL FIND YOU

Every time I realize that I follow the OP of this thread I feel like I know a local cryptid or something.

Cryptid is the vibe I want to give off potentially