Confession

I think a big reason of why I came out as a lesbian, was not only my feelings towards girls.. but also the first guy I had kissed/done anything with committed suicide when we were still hooking up in high school. It really messed me up. It took me months to speak. I had never felt such a feeling, just a gaping hole in my chest and in my life. There were only a few people who knew about him and I in my high school and I didn't want people talking, so I never said anything. I've always kept it to myself because it still tears me apart today, almost 6 years later. We had still been hooking up just before he stopped coming to school. My brother called me one day around 4pm when he was at soccer practice, word got out that this boy had taken his own life just hours before, as his coach had informed them. Since then I have not touched another man, nor had feelings towards any. In a way, I wanted to keep my business with this boy eternal. I never wanted another person to replace him. Sorry, I never talk about this stuff but I had to get it off my chest after a dream last night. RIP AG