The man who originated the weaponization of the Department of Justice, by morphing the inquiry about a small, failed real estate investment into a massive, intensive investigation of the career trajectory of Bill Clinton’s penis, and went on to destroy the reputation of Baylor University by refusing to investigate sexual assaults. A classic illustration of Republican “morality.” Good riddance.
So this guy’s dead now.
A bad person died. But you know who’s still alive somehow? Henry Kissinger.
I have been trying to organize my many, many thoughts about the wedding and can’t decide if I should explain via chronological order or air grievances by person.
Thoughts?
As a teaser I will share that Mashed Potatoes sang a song to Niece during the reception. Unclear if he wrote it but he had to read the lyrics off his phone. When I saw a guy pick up a guitar I said “anyway, here’s Wonderwall” to E and then it got worse.
She deserves ALL of the praise!
if i was harry from the british royal family i would just tweet "the queen died? thats too bad mines still alive though xoxo" with a picture of meghan markle and then turn my phone off
Why is SNL still winning Emmys when A Black Lady Sketch Show is right there.
We survived the wedding and the theme was “the bride is wonderful, why is she with this guy” which tracks.
Mashed Potatoes thanked us for all we’ve done for them and for all of our love and support and uhhhhhh that’s for her, dude.
I will offer a more detailed rundown when I get home and am settled. Unless I’m in prison for manslaughter because my god MIL is being so annoying.
We survived the wedding and the theme was “the bride is wonderful, why is she with this guy” which tracks.
Mashed Potatoes thanked us for all we’ve done for them and for all of our love and support and uhhhhhh that’s for her, dude.
A beautiful girl explaining why waynes world is a really good movie
Last night a 21 year old was impressed I knew of Oasis and the song Wonderwall. Like, this toddler thought he was going to stump me when he played it lmaoooo.
His mom just texted and he’s incredibly hungover today. I feel great. He may have youth but I have self control and Advil.
I know that cis men are capable of being great people which is why it’s so frustrating when they suck. Your gender isn’t inherently bad at doing the dishes. You’re just a thoroughly unpleasant person.
When I started taking T I didn’t magically forget how to use a broom, which my single dad taught me how to use. There’s nothing about testosterone or having male bits that makes your brain incapable of comprehending super duper complicated concepts such as boiling water or not being sexist. You’re an adult. Put the curry in the glass container, change your son’s diaper, and don’t harass your waitress. It’s not that complicated.
It also frustrates me when I hear women say stuff like “You know how men are” no, I don’t actually. I know how your man is being right now and you don’t deserve to have to put up with that kind of behavior. If your man fakes incompetence when doing the dishes, leave his ass. There are plenty of men who don’t do that.
Tomorrow is Niece 1’s wedding. MIL is already annoyed we aren’t coming over earlier than the rehearsal (there’s literally no reason for us to be there earlier than that) and it’s going to be roughly the same temperature as the sun.
Oh and my niece is marrying a cop.
Good times.
If E is shocked at my comments over QEII dying he’s really gonna need some pearls to clutch when Kissinger goes because hooboy.
No comedy for 12 days, no football - none of us are allowed to do anything we enjoy cos the queen has croaked. Enforced mourning. Bag of shite
they can never take wanking away though.
Hey look who’s 69! #nice Happy Birthday, Dad! Can’t stop, won’t stop being cute ❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CiOlSDVpe2m1rTpfd5Czdwzcg-18tEeY-Uh2To0/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
A collection of my favourite tweets, thus far, on #SpitGate that I’m putting here for ease for my friends seeing
you can't convince me she-hulk is a real show
exactly
And before you think “whoa wow ok so you’re being awful to a literal child and think it’s funny?” please be assured this young man dunks on me regularly and in specific and accurate ways so he’s doing fine, thank you.
Last night my brother came out of his bedroom shirtless with his underwear sticking out of his pajama pants so being the smart ass I am I asked “Hey what’s up, Marky Mark?” A family friend chimed in with “You looking for the Funky Bunch?”
Anyway my brother hates me but I think I’m funny.
