a steadier footing

@versary / versary.tumblr.com

keely | 30 | melbourne | can't stand still while the world keeps turning

when i first started eating disorder recovery i found it really helpful to not say to myself, i have an eating disorder or i'm anorexic, because i found that i would use it as an excuse to not eat, like to skip out on the hard bits of recovery (eating). so i would, like, not put dressing on a salad because i was scared to but i was 'allowed' to skip the dressing because i had an eating disorder. but i really quickly figured out that you can't be half-in on that stuff. you have to be all the way in. you can't leave that door a little bit open, you have to shut it all the way and then tell yourself it doesn't exist. i had to picture the life i wanted to live and then just force myself to be that. fake it 'til you make it, et cetera. deeply uncomfortable, of course, but fortunately due to Fucking Up My Brain i don't remember a lot hahaha but it was so frustrating to be making all the 'right' decisions and still feel awful and still have all the compulsive thoughts, and i just found it so tiring to be doing CBT every time i ate something, like why hadn't i gotten better yet, when will i get better, et cetera. BUT recently (the few months) i have figured out that it's much easier to be gracious about that (maybe not the exact word i'm looking for but you get the picture). if this is something that i have to do for the rest of my life - doing CBT at every meal and multiple times throughout the day (e.g., when i want to body check or exercise compulsively or skip a meal/meal component, et cetera) - then the best thing i can do for myself is to treat it like one of the many other tasks i complete on a daily basis. i can incorporate it into my routine. i wake up, i make coffee, i decide that i should skip breakfast, i tell myself to make breakfast and eat it, and so on. if i can clean my teeth every night before bed, i can make myself eat all my meals. i find it very easy to be robotic about a lot of things - and i would like to say that i find it too easy to be 'disciplined' and that's not always good because if my routine is interrupted unexpectedly i really spiral (i am working on relaxing more) - but this seems to be working for me. i can say, hey, don't fight this. if i go in with the expectation that at some point during this meal i will have to perform a brain operation on myself, i don't get so mad at myself when i do. if you resist it, it'll feel harder. fighting it won't change it. if i have to do this for the rest of my life then i need to make it as easy as possible. i'm 30. i'm too old to be fighting myself. i'm so tired of fighting myself. i just keep telling myself: you are doing nothing wrong. you are doing nothing wrong.

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oh my god is step up still on netflix i need to watch step up

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ok it's NOT but step up 2: the streets IS

oh my god is step up still on netflix i need to watch step up

i've had a few cramp-free periods in a row but this one.............. i have been laid low

Yo I feel like the idea that the only historical women who counted are the ones who defied society and took on the traditionally male roles is… not actually that feminist. It IS important that women throughout history were warriors and strategists and politicians and businesswomen, but so many of us were “lowly” weavers and bakers and wives and mothers and I feel like dismissing THOSE roles dismisses so many of our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers and the shit they did to support our civilization with so little thanks or recognition.

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YES. This is such an important point. Those 'girly' girls doing their embroidery and quilting bees and grass braiding were vital parts of every domestic economy that has ever existed.

This is precisely what chaps my hide so badly about the misuse of the quote "Well-behaved women seldom make history," because this is precisely what the author was actually trying to say.

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich is a domestic historian who developed new methodologies to study well-behaved women because they were

1) so vital, and

2) their lives were rarely recorded in the usual old sources.

"Hoping for an eternal crown, they never asked to be remembered on earth. And they haven't been. Well-behaved women seldom make history; against Antinomians and witches, these pious matrons have had little chance at all. Most historians, considering the domestic by definition irrelevant, have simply assumed the pervasiveness of similar attitudes in the seventeenth century."

Original article: "Vertuous Women Found: New England Ministerial Literature, 1668-1735" (pdf download from Harvard)

commemorating some really nice whiteboard work

hitchin' a ride came on at the gym so i regret to inform you that i can only listen to green day for the foreseeable future thank you

yes, theoretically you are entitled to do renovations on your apartment past 9:00 AM, but practically?? please stop drilling, people in no. 9. i am working.

also fascinating to watch the normative beauty standard for women’s bodies whip back to the preferences of gay male fashion designers (tall rail thin clothes hanger woman) after about a decade of it being moreso influenced by the preferences of pornbrained straight men (thin average height women w/ boob jobs + bbls). Thanks straight men for those couple of years where if you had anything other than an entirely flat ass you got to internalize constant graphic sexual comments about that trait. Now back to our regularly scheduled it means you are fat and matronly