after all you've done, why do i still listen to you? why do i still tell you everything? why do i still clean up your messes? why, why, why did you make me this way?
I hope you rot. I hope you remember the pain you caused on a poor 13 year old How you made her call you daddy How you made her send you nudes everyday You told me you loved me And then you left me with slits in my wrists I hope you die You don't remember this You don't remember me I was just another girl you hurt. For 6 months I thought you loved me. But all you did was bend and break me.
You get mad whenever I talk about what you did to me.. for years. I keep it inside and resent you. Everyday the resentment grows stronger.
I take showers so hot they burn but it doesn't make me feel any cleaner I can still feel your hands all over me
My psyche is a lot like my phone. Incredibly broken with no real chance of being repaired.
it filled me with hate and anger and now i despise human interaction and don't trust strangers. I don't care if im mean or ruin someone's day, i care about myself more and my act for my own personal benefit.
Why did your parents teach you to keep your hands to yourself. That it's never okay to hit,choke, shake grab push someone. You're 6'4 and muscle from firemen training, I'm 5 foot nothing and 100 pounds and you put your hands on me. You told me I was worthless you abused me mentally psychically and emotionally. You cheated. You wouldn't let me leave but I've gone.
Anonymous asked:
Sometimes I have nightmares about my childhood and I wake up fully dissocited and I just need to know that's normal
completely normal for for those with trauma. but if you feel you need help controlling these nightmares, please try to seek some. you deserve to live life as comfortably as possible.
Anonymous asked:
So when I was in second grade there was the kid who would grope me and feel me all the time he was always behind me and I couldn't even turn to look at him cause he'd move so fast just to feel me any chance he got and he'd do it every single day and I remover crying every morning when I woke up cause I'd have to go spend a day of being forcefully touched and I just want to know does that actually count as csa? Does the person have to be older than you? I think about this like 9 years later still
the person doesn’t have to be older than you, and yes this counts as child on child sexual abuse, or cocsa. im so sorry you had this experience.
Anonymous asked:
i'm sorry if this has been answered before but can.. emotional abuse combined with guilttripping+manipulation be traumatising? a lot of my friends say what i went through was trauma and they call those two who did that to me abusers but it could have been so much worse i feel like it wasn't /enough/ to be considered trauma. if i need to go into more detail please lmk n i'll.. try my best with what i'm comfortable sharing
any kind of abuse can be traumatising, especially when combined with guilt tripping and manipulation. your experience sounds incredibly unpleasant and i am sorry you had to go through it.
I was raped. He convinced it wasn't rape and that it takes two and I knew what I was doing, that all I had I say was stop but I did 3 times. It's still my fault for letting it happen. Then I tried to have consensual sex with him, it still felt like rape, i still felt numb during, I still cried after. I asked if next time he could go slower and take care of me. He said "there won't be a next time" he fucks some other girl every weekend. Not even my rapist wants me.
I was raped by you, molested. You got me pregnant. You stayed until I miscarried. Then you left me, saying it was my fault. I hate you. Another you, a different you, a different person that reminded me of you, he raped me too. And I got pregnant again. And I miscarried. Again. I hate both of you. I hate you both. I love both my children, but I hate that they came from you. I wish they weren't yours, either of you. They shouldn't have to share blood with monsters like you.
1 am battleground
"You put on your clothes every morning like you’re going to war, and you are. Every single day you’re at war with yourself. You don’t know what peace is, you’re not even sure how to pronounce it. It’s too beautiful of a word to have ever melt against your tongue. You are at war with yourself and there have been so many deaths, if only God knew how many times you have died inside. Countless times. You don’t remember a time when you weren’t battling yourself. Does it still count if the blood on your hands is your own? Does it still count as war if it’s only going on inside of your own head? Is it still deadly if the only weapon you have is your thoughts?"
written by lostinarts.tumblr.com
Anonymous asked:
My dad has been diagnosed with coronary heart disease and has maybe about 10 years? I know it seems long but I don't care if he dies or not? I feel like the reason I don't care is because he was very abusive. He would scream and call me names but would try and buy my affection.. he also threatened to hit me on multiple occasions. He also cheated on my mom and I never forgave him for it. I know some people who keep telling me that he's my dad, I should be sad but he's never really been there?
feelings are an incredibly personal thing and it’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t feel upset toward the death of somebody who was incredibly abusive to you.
im sorry for your experience, and your feelings are absolutely understandable and valid.
having discussions about pedophilia in the abstract and having to act as though my life wasn’t ruined by a pedophile is nothing short of traumatic
I am relatively young but in final stage renal failure. I have a higher chance of survival IF I can recieve proper medical care AND LIVING ASSISTANCE in a different state. Get me OUT of Mississippi.
The long post w the good explanation is being shared but not inspiring much help. So, I simplified it.
My illness is straight up fatal. Not gonna beat around thatBush, anymore. I seem desperate for help because I AM desperate for help.
My nephrologist has seen enough improvement in my kidney function, lately, to believe someone my age (early 30s) might have a longer life WITH PROPER AND FREQUENT MEDICAL ATTENTION. Sadly, that just isn’t an option where I live.
Please, if you can help me with moving expenses (even just a couple of bucks) I would be grateful. I’m sinking fast in Mississippi and now my doctors are giving me too much hope to ignore. I wanna get out of this situation and I’m working my fatigued, brain-foggy ass off to make it out of here.
If I can undo the damage my heart failure caused to the rest of my body, I want to. I don’t want to spend another month KNOWING what I should be eating, what medicines I should be taking, what tests and treatments I should be getting… and receiving almost none of it because Mississippi lawmakers think people like me have somehow earned slow, painful deaths.
to the suggestion blogs:
can y'all pls reblog this if you’re a suggestion blog? i would love to explore more blogs here! thank you :)
oh and btw i’m a new suggestion blog (@indecisivegirlx) ♡
I was asleep. I woke up to voices. My sister had come home late, which woke him up. Next thing I knew his hand was under the cover, on my legs, my thighs, up my shorts, beneath my underwear, and where it never should I have been. I rolled over, away, terrified, too afraid to move much more than out of reach. I can't remember anything else. I feel like more happened. I feel like there's things, other times, I can't remember. I was just a little girl. I hope he dies painfully & slowly.