https://twitter.com/profannieoakley/status/1357768408671027202

 This thread is gold… make your own here: https://htck.github.io/bayeux/#!/

perfection

me when gin pig spherical

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren’t spicy???

Regular pine needles are regular

Not by rosemary standards

…Have you eaten pine needles?

We’ve been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I’ve eaten pine needles or not

I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume

Of course I’ve eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best

Are they…

You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”

I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out

Ok but it only counts if they’re PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree

I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see

Please Don’t Do That

Needle-Like Leaf Roulette

…I’ll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.

I can try very hard not to

Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing

It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves

Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life

this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again

god fucking dammit gimme a minute

Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.

AERUH I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine but with a spicy taste.

MALUS                         Art thou to claim that needles base of pine have not a spice?

AERUH A needle base of pine is merely base.

MALUS ‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.

AERUH My dearest Malus, needles thou'st eaten?

MALUS How many moons have we as friends seen rise? How many suns have we as friends seen set? Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held, and hope that I in thine hast been the same. With brotherhood as rich and old as this, thou needst not ask me such frivolities.

AERUH I know thou likely has, to tell the truth, but I would not assume.

MALUS                       Well, yes, I have. A multitude of types I’ve eaten too. I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange) is single-leaf pinyon.

AERUH                     And it has spice?

MALUS I truly wish that I could tell thee this, but now, i'faith, I cannot fully tell, the difference in classifying thus: to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.

AERUH To tell this tale most clearly it would seem that eating needles from a pine’s required.

MALUS Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand, but caution tells that this is what’s to do: eat only needles of the honest pine, and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.

AERUH I’ll eat them all.

MALUS                   I prithee, stay thyself.

AERUH Roulette with leaves.

MALUS                     At least restrain from yew.

AERUH I’ll do my best.

MALUS                That is all can we do. The scholars tell that needles true of pine can be distinguished from the lying yew by sheathlike clothing all along the base; the yew has no such guard.

AERUH                          With this new truth I now will venture out into the wood and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike to stare them down and learn their secret truths.

MALUS With this thou canst at long and weary last Discover for thyself my life’s own path.

Exeunt.

Enter MACDUFF.

MACDUFF. Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.

get this shit in angsty emotional moodboards NOW

aye aye capn

I haven’t touched this post in over a year what the fuck is happening

Hey bro we did it. We got someone to make a mood board. And it’s purple!

Lady of shallot. Lady of onion. Lady of garlic. Lady of chives.

its 4am and I have no control over what i draw

gonna post a controversial take alright are y’all ready??

…

actually typing out emoticons like XD and :D and :V never should have gone out of fashion and you can pry them out of my cold dead hands okay I know emojis are fun but THEY DON’T CAPTURE THE EMOTION IN THE SAME WAY

so like

…yeah that was basically it, thanks for reading

also websites that  automatically replace your typed out <3 and :D with emojis upon sending them are a Danger To Everything That’s Good In The World

bring back nose smilies :-)

There is no emoji that captures what I mean by :P (I do NOT mean “hur hur goofy-ass face!”) and the one for :^/ is not great. And lest we forget, 🤷🏻‍♀️ is absolutely inadequate compared to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Faces no emoji has ever managed to capture, imo:

:P

^_^

:3

^u^

:/

O.o

0.0

>:/

<(^u^)>

I am too old to stop using XD

i have never yet found an emoji that fully captures the shifty energy of: 

>_>

<_<

Oh man, I’ve missed O.o

Especially alternating to really capture how boggled you are.

O.o

o.O

O.o

Whatever the name of this team is, I am on it

this is   awesome

._. is pretty good too and 😐 just ISN’T THE SAME

XD, ^-^, :3, <3, and =P until death

¬_¬ is the most eloquent keystroke combo

U_U is my fav, and also O_O

the SHEER MISCHIEF of OvO

me af

I use emoji, kaomoji AND emoticons. They all have different moods!!

🤷🏻 is like ‘i have no idea’.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ is like ‘who knows. nothing in life matters & we were all born to die’

@_@ is superior in every way to aby emoji

owo

nothing comes close 2 the lvls of mischief :> and >:> have

😼 will never be as good as >:3

I like õ_õ

Personally I will never give up >:O and >:)

I also really miss ~*sarcasm sparklies*~. These days I’ve resigned myself to ✨emoticon sarcasm✨ but it just IS NOT the same.

I want a farm house, near a small wood and creek. And an orchard and some sheep, and a border collie and a coop.

scottish twitter strikes again

oh my god…. oh my god

Every cat I have known would immediately climb up through the hole and start stealing everybody’s food.

Crime porthole

this was designed by cats

Just get one of these and put them over the whole, you can have cat and food protection.

You imprison miette. You put her under the glass like the cheese. Jail for mother for hundreds of years.

this is the most deadpan miette I've ever heard omg

that’s because miette’s had enough

Freelancing in technical theater means you’re on a lot of different email lists. People need a crew, they send out an email, you respond with your availability. Now, most people start these with things like “hey folks” or “hi everyone”. Neal is not most people.

His openers started off innocent enough.

Then, he started to push boundaries.

And as you can see, it has spiraled out of control since then.

Tag yourselves. I’m the anteater in a suit who thinks he can pass.

THEY JUST KEEP COMING

He’s even witty in real time.

Neal is a hecking gift.

this is a very good resource for an rpg character gjcjiscnnsjc

My new guide to professional email greetings.

THATS TUPPERWARE

i thought delaware was a place in ohio? why are there so many things named delaware?

delaware is too powerful

what the fuck

Wait what? I thought Delaware was a store with building supplies. Like paint, wood, nails and stuff?

THATS HOME DEPOT ???

I know home depot, but dude I don't know anything about America mad have never been there. Are you sure there is not a some sort of store called something close to Delaware!?!

.....ace hardware....?

this post has only been around for a few hours but could very well be a world heritage post

but at what cost

This post launched at 8am PST on 12 Feb 2021. The above conversation has happened in 3 hours.

he WHAT? i thought he was from. w. wait. ???

delaware stole the presidents shoelaces for clout and became too powerful

From the UK- and what do you mean Delaware isn't a type of ceramic?

it is now

@hellsite-hall-of-fame is it too early?

Isn’t delaware what they make computers on???

software ??

I think they meant Dell Ware, a specific computer type. We had a Dell computer once.

I thought Delaware was that famous singer they spoofed in Zootopia.

gazelle??

oh i thought delaware was that one british singer lady, you know, the one from chasing pavements

that's fucking adele

isn’t delaware that place you go when you die

youre thinking of superhell and all of you are going there

how the fuck did any of you come to the conclusions you all made

we live in america?

I thought Delaware was that food delivery service that keeps interrupting youtube videos with their ads when I'm trying to have a good time

..... are you talking about Doordash???

Isn't Delawere the name of that one girl in the song that goes "Hey there, Delawere"? She's from NYC or something.

THATS HEY THERE DELILAH

Pausing here to point out that op is “dear-AO3″ and now I’m wondering if Delaware fanfic would be categorized as RSF (real state fic) or AU (alternate unitedstates)

stop i do not want to think about this 

Isn’t Delaware that SPN ship that exploded the internet

Everyone on this post:

I love that the “no, that’s [x]” meme is making a comeback here and only here and nobody has any idea what’s going on

Keep up the good work, we can make poor OP have a melt down yet. 

Isn't delaware that one brand of pizza that's like "it's not delivery, it's delaware."

isn't delaware the god of the sea

Isn't Delaware the name of that guy who painted the Mona Lisa?

delaware is that one evil cyborg guy that has a son named Luke and a red laser sword

Thats Darth Vader. Im pretty sure Delaware is that other red-laser sword guy. You know. The one that stabbed Qui-Gon.

what have i created

I usually only reblog older posts, but this definitely deserves to be in every tumblr hall of fame

this post has only existed for 8 days. 

happy one month birthday

This is just the “no odd number have the letter e”post

it’s ALL odd numbers have “e” silly!

(odd numbers end in the digits 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 (one, three, five, seven, nine) and the only ones for which the word version doesn’t end in those words are/end in eleven, thirteen, fifteen, seventeen, nineteen. I will NOT elaborate or defend this lest this post become another. ur free to do this yourselves if you want tho)

i mean no even numbers end with 1, 3, 5, 7, or 9

oh no please dont make another number discourse im still reeling from the last one

What about infinity, if it's infinite the technically at one point as it goes on forever it does end in in either 1,3,5,7, or 9 but because it's infinite it's neither even nor odd. Yes? No? Idk I'm drunk

this was posted exactly one month ago to the minute. 87k notes.

@dear-ao3​ do you need a hug

yes

What a chaotic energy and turn of events.

Almost woke my sister up when reading this, laughed way too hard

here, for all you fuckers asking, this is the damn delaware post

I thought Delaware was just a different version of Vermont

she was a boy, he was a girl. can i make it anymore obvious.

Cat likes potatoes. (via)

The comedic timing of that lick tho 👌🏼

absolutely obsessed with the way Fahrenheit is legitimately a superior temperature measurements for day to day life than celsius (more precise, accessible, and understandable) but ppl refuse to admit to it bc they’re so caught up with the “silly americans refuse to convert to metric” gag

fun little info graph I found

[id: three identical number lines with 0 at one and and 100 at the other, labelled “Fahrenheit” “Celsius” and “Kelvin”. The ends are labelled, respectively:

Fahrenheit: Really cold outside - Really hot outside Celsius: Fairly cold outside - Dead Kelvin: Dead - Dead]

OP, it's only more useful for Americans because you're not regularly boiling water.

0° Celsius gets you ice. 100° Celsius gets you tea.

It's a very simple system.

Genuinely fascinated by this world in which Americans don’t boil water on a regular basis and a thermometer is necessary to know whether water is frozen or boiling.

"is the water in the ice tray frozen yet luv"

"oh iunno lemme get the thermometer"

us Austen fans are always like *wistful sigh* where's my Mr Darcy? But you wanna know where the fuck he is????? You wanNA FUCKING KNOW? he's at home. avoiding all social situations, watching gossip girl with Georgiana and probably still recovering that time two weeks ago when the cashier said 'have a nice day' and he said 'no I'm fine thanks'. Where else would he fucking be?