So my latest obsession is apparently the official twitter for the US Consumer Product Safety Commission, which is about half recall announcements for various shitty amazon products and half…..memes? pseudo-memes?? works of surrealist art??? what do i even call these
Whoever made these is either a random middle-aged government worker who’s spent enough time with Young Internet People to be at least 60% sure what a meme is or a Gen Z artistic genius and i can’t decide which
i think we should stop calling them baby names so people remember they’re not just naming a baby but also a future twenty seven year old with a resume
that's why bella called her kid resume right away
i have returned after my 6+ year hiatus hello how is tumblr these days
it also helps to become a fucking shojo cowboy
Now go, let the legend come back to life!
Got a text from my neighbor that Amazon accidentally wedged a package between the door and the hand rail, pinning them inside their house. I got there, took a picture of the box and tweeted it to Amazon. They responded with a pun. I’m not even mad
what is this, a vending machine for ants?
ants need to stay hydrated too
Don’t drink from me or my son ever again.
I picked up a worm, and it wrote something in my hand with a tiny pencil. Unfortunately it was too small to read. An autograph? A spell? An angry note?
@reanimateobjects I’ve decided to line up with their writing and whatever they wrote appear to be…. phallic. I don’t how to break the news with you, but, I think that worm drew a penis on your hand…. Congratulation?
Ooh! Thank you for this valuable contribution to the field of worm linguistics and/or art. It is still unclear to me if it’s meant as a rude message to me, if it’s just putting its tag there, or something else. Further research is needed!
I think the idea of it being a penis is anthropomorphism. I mean, the worm doesn’t have a penis itself, nor proper eyes with which to see one. No, I’m afraid this is something far more interesting: a self-portrait. You have been touched by an aesthetic annelid, and now your life will never be the same.
Now I will forever try to communicate with all the worms I find, but I worry that I’ll never meet this one again.
This is beautiful. top notch quality content
Getting That Beach Body! ☀️ by Thomas Sanders
(inspirational guitar music playing in the background)
Thomas: My friends told me I should go on a diet to get a better beach body so… [two weeks later] This is me now! I didn’t do the diet, I just got better friends.
I either answer my messages in 10 seconds or 4 years there’s no in between
