in the US we only have 3 genders. american beauty, american psycho, and american pie
What about American idiot
well we all know which gender i am for forgetting this one
Anonymous asked:
People whining about the queen being a colonizer are full of shit. Name one country hurt by the queen
"let me put this object some place obvious and inconvenient so im forced to deal with it" (grows around it like a tree root around a rock)
guy at blizzard watching the companies stock tick down: its time for desperate measures [hits the big red OPERATION FURRY PORN button on his desk]
an animal ate all of my boyfriend’s decorative cabbages and he’s reacting really okay and proportionally
fave stardew valley moment of all time was when I was talking to evelyn and she was like “i love living by the ocean… as a child I used to collect seashells all day…” and then I handed her a shell and she said “it smells terrible :/“ and I lost a heart.
grateful that my life experience has lead to me having an interesting character and grounded worldview...but GOD i wish i was a trustfund nepotism baby soooo bad
okay the prestige movie director to Disney+ flick/show pipeline is getting terrifying. what do you mean Barry Jenkins is directing a Mufasa lion king live action prequel. the Barry Jenkins who directed academy award winning film MOONLIGHT 2016??????
God can you imagine if Donald Trump became president? There’d be like a new bubonic plague and he’d be like “idk drink bleach about it”
Throwback to when I took acid for the first time in 2013 and predicted the events of 2020 like the fucking oracle of Delphi
they edited it, this is the original post:
[ID: How can dog breeders sell puppies for over $1,000? Do these puppies shit gold? Do these puppies fight crime? Can they play the banjo? No they’re fucking infant dogs that poop on your things and love you omg. /end ID]
EDIT: OP blocked me for calling them out in this reblog, I can’t reblog or reply to this anymore and my reblog won’t show up in the notes, but if you reblog this from me then your reblog will show up in the notes. I thought maybe they were just trying to be funny and didn’t care if people knew they were lying but they’re like.. legitimately trying to convince people it’s true lol. Sketchy tumblr behavior, especially since they’re promoting their Kofi on their page meaning they are trying to get actual money for lying
normal-horoscopes
[Two huge bouncers in suits pick up OP by their chiton and hurl them out of the temple of Apollo]
I’ve spoken to British defectors who paint a bleak picture of life in the beleaguered kingdom, citizens lead meaningless existences highlighted by mandatory bowing sessions to honor the nation’s tyrannical royal family. I plan to fly over the country dropping flashdrives full of jpegs of fast food menus to show those poor beleaguered serfs what they’re missing in the free world.
I once saw a video where a guy supposedly visited a fast food place in the united kingdom, but they were probably actors. It was just a show put up by the royalist authorities to mislead foreigners. Even the meals sounded fake and made up. “Smack barm pey wet”, c’mon now.
