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The Robot Monster

@therobotmonster / therobotmonster.tumblr.com

The writings and art of a Robot Monster just livin' his best life. Also a toy designer, writer, and artist. My Major Projects Include:

A short list of extremely-specific lesser-known mythical monster tropes which I didn’t expect to be super widespread:

1.  Ogres which, when slain, spawn huge amounts of mosquitoes out of their bodies.

2.  Humanoid horrors that lurk at the tops of cliffs and kick passerbies down off of the ledge so that their mates and/or offspring can kill them.

3.  Depraved ex-human cannibals for whom one of their feet has rotten away into a spike of bone which they then stab people with.

4.  Creatures which resemble pitiful old men and beg people to carry them but their legs are actually tentacle-like “straps” which they use to kill or enslave their victims.

5.  Hairy ogres with axe-heads sticking out of their chests.

6.  Grotesque female humanoids with enormous, pendulous breasts, one of which they throw over their shoulder.  (That last detail specifically shows up more times than you would think possible.)

7.  Flying detachable heads.  Organs hanging down frequent but optional.

8.  The “animal that cannot lie down,” i.e. a monster without joints in its limbs that, you guessed it, cannot lie down and has to lean on things.

10.  So.  Many.  Backwards.  Feet.  Usually as a means of making trackers think they went in the opposite direction.

11.  Swallowers.  I.e., monsters that swallow huge amounts of victims but keep them inside in their stomachs before spitting them out when slain.  Most famously present in Sub-Saharan Africa, but basically everywhere.

12.  Bisected humanoids.  Creatures with only half a physical body, cut vertically.

13.  Headless monsters with faces on their chests.

14.  Natal revenants.  The undead remains of women who die in childbirth, usually as some sort of ghostly Succubus.

15.  Female creatures with hollow backs, the main giveaway of their supernatural nature.

16.  Living meteor demons that spread disease.

17.  Chicken-snake hybrids.

18.  Rattite-snake hybrids.

19.  Parrot-snake hybrids.

20.  Monsters that fly around in the atmosphere, and if you look at them you die.  (Related to number 16.)

21.  In arid regions, RAINBOW TASTE YOU.  (Because it signals the end of much-needed rain and is therefore seen in a negative light and personified as something malicious.  

22.  Owl demons!  Tend to be witchy/hag-like.

23.  Succubi whose only giveaway of their monstrousness is a single hooved foot.

24.  People cursed into becoming weird donkey-things.

25.  River blockers.  Monsters who block off water supplies in order to cause droughts, and must be slain for that reason.

26.  Monsters who inflict some kind of seemingly unsurvivable body horror on you, before resurrecting you long enough to go home at which point you promptly die for reals this time.

And many, many, more, but I’m tired right now.  Might update later.

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I recognize all but a couple of these, but would still want specific examples for all of them

15: Beware the Hollow back girl.

Welcome, Time Traveler 

I wish I could say your courage and sacrifice would be rewarded, but the treasure you seek was never in this place. The only thing you will take from this tomb is the truth, and the destiny it will shackle to you. 

A couple of Micronauts-Inspired AI-assisted pieces, each combining multiple outputs of multiple prompts. 

If it weren’t for the crocheted dog I’d have probably just thought she had a twin lol

I’m a little disturbed but also highly impressed

This woman has a power that should be feared

Didn’t realize what the title meant til i looked at the dog

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dorianpavusfanboy

It’s two different people!! There are two reflections in the glass behind them!!

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mautlin

You commented multiple variations of this, and I’m well and truly stunned that you seem to think the crochet version should have no reflection like some kind of knitted vampire. I’m at a total loss trying to make sense of your repeated insistence that having a reflection proves it’s actually another human. Do you know something we don’t? Should we be afraid?

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dorianpavusfanboy

@mautlin Those are two different ladies and two different dogs. The dogs fur marks are different and the ladies face types are different as well. It’s not the same lady. And if it really is the person who did the photoshop is truly amazing, look at how the arms touch in the middle. And look at the both of the dogs’ foreheads, the markings are different!

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mautlin

…what do you think this is supposed to be a photo of? The dogs have different fur because one dog is made out of yarn. The women have different faces because, again, one woman is made out of yarn. There is no photoshop involved, just a lot of yarn.

I have to point out that the lady is wearing a knitted sweater and her crocheted doppelgänger is wearing a crocheted replica of her knitted sweater.

Do you part, confuse a future archaeologist... today!

Rubies and Stone

Midjourney AI Prompt: render of+red quartz statue of Dana Scully made of red crystal and ruby,+silver rococo filigree details+hyper realistic, 4k, artistic, ultra detailed, octane render, photorealistic, glowing, ultra realistic, crystal, transparent, light shining through

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THEY FIGHTINGGG— I started this back in November, it’s kinda messy, but i had to get this out of my system cuz. Well. Hopefully it speaks for itself lol 😩 I got tired near the end tho lol rip the overall quality. (Source)

fuckin peak himbo conversation the other day about the queen dying. like. absolutely peak. don't think we're topping this ever

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me: ...of course they'll have to re-mint all the currency and change the stamps and the post boxes and shit that'll be a nightmare.

rhys: what? why?

me: the… queen died?

rhys: yeah but what's that got to do with the money?

me: her… face… is on it? and now it needs to be the king's face?

rhys: is it?

me: yes?

rhys: all of it? ours has fish and stuff doesn't it?

me: well not scottish bank notes bc those are issued by retail banks not the bank of england, but all the coins do yes. and english notes

rhys: on both sides of the notes?

me: no just the front the back has other stuff

rhys: wait they're different? it's not the same thing both sides?

me: so are scottish ones its just different people on the front….

rhys: :o

me: what… wait... who did you think was on the coins

rhys: i thought it was just an old lady!

me: yes. the queen. she was not exactly in the prime of her youth

rhys: yes but the coins have always had an old lady!

me: they haven't always had 'an old lady', they get reminted every so often with an updated image. it's just that…. i dunno how to break this to you… the queen has been old since before you were born.

rhys: you're sure it's the queen?

me: ???? the coins HAVE HER NAME on them

rhys: i don't know! i don't read coins!

me: clearly. anyway it's the queen, and now it has to be the king. so they've to do the stamps as well because that is the queen

rhys: oh i knew stamps had the queen on them

me: it's the same image!

rhys: what

me: the head on the stamps and the head on the coins is! the same! image!

rhys: ……….is it

me: yes

rhys: wait what do they have to do with the post boxes though. they're just red what's wrong with red?

me: th… they say E II R on them? now they'll have to say C III R i guess

rhys: what's E 2 R

me: elizabeth… the second… regina

rhys: regina?

me: queen. it's where regal regent etc come from. king is "rex" so still R but different initials like. still gotta be changed innit

rhys: hang on - elizabeth second? there was a first?

me: i genuinely do not think you are from this planet

if you're not from the UK and aren't aware of what our coins look like it's this

just... you know... so you can appreciate how funny it is that in 29 years he never noticed the "old lady" with

ELIZABETH II D G REG F D* [YEAR]

circling her head on every coin was, in fact, the queen and thought we just had some random generic old woman on there for aesthetic purposes or something idk

Yeah but, here’s the thing, Rhys didn’t notice because Rhys didn’t care about the queen. He’s not the weird one here.

Putting the face of a living monarch on your money, your stamps, and their initials on your postbox? That’s weird. Dead presidents is weird enough, but living monarch is just odd. And you’re just going to have to do this all over in 2d6 years when Chuck drops. 

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Historically, we’re the weird ones (at least in the West).  The whole point of putting a ruler’s name on coins was to remind people who was in charge.  Sometimes a ruler might even collect all the coins they could with previous rulers’ faces on them and remint ‘em.

The U.S. rule against putting living people on currency was in part a deliberate repudiation of that tradition.  In the thousands of years that coins have been minted, having the current ruler’s face on them has been the standard in Europe and the Near East.  (Chinese coinage tends to just have writing, although it’s often got the name of the then-current ruler somewhere.)

Yeah, but tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. 

Weird for 50+ years ago, maybe not? Weird now? Yes. Stuff’s moved on. The Euro’s got a statue on it, Japan uses writers, scientists and university founders, the Russians use architecture, China uses Mao (dead President-type weird), Mexico’s got a mix of dead folks.

As you say, the point of putting the monarch’s face on currency was to remind people who was in power. This clearly hasn’t worked that well, since after all that pomp and circumstance, to Rhys she was nothing but some old lady on the coins, and some random letters on a mailbox that might as well have been a serial number.

Having the monarch on the currency can’t be anything but weird, because having a monarch that rules over multiple countries is weird. Just because you’re  used to it doesn’t make it not a baffling aberration of reason and expectation.

fuckin peak himbo conversation the other day about the queen dying. like. absolutely peak. don't think we're topping this ever

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me: ...of course they'll have to re-mint all the currency and change the stamps and the post boxes and shit that'll be a nightmare.

rhys: what? why?

me: the… queen died?

rhys: yeah but what's that got to do with the money?

me: her… face… is on it? and now it needs to be the king's face?

rhys: is it?

me: yes?

rhys: all of it? ours has fish and stuff doesn't it?

me: well not scottish bank notes bc those are issued by retail banks not the bank of england, but all the coins do yes. and english notes

rhys: on both sides of the notes?

me: no just the front the back has other stuff

rhys: wait they're different? it's not the same thing both sides?

me: so are scottish ones its just different people on the front….

rhys: :o

me: what… wait... who did you think was on the coins

rhys: i thought it was just an old lady!

me: yes. the queen. she was not exactly in the prime of her youth

rhys: yes but the coins have always had an old lady!

me: they haven't always had 'an old lady', they get reminted every so often with an updated image. it's just that…. i dunno how to break this to you… the queen has been old since before you were born.

rhys: you're sure it's the queen?

me: ???? the coins HAVE HER NAME on them

rhys: i don't know! i don't read coins!

me: clearly. anyway it's the queen, and now it has to be the king. so they've to do the stamps as well because that is the queen

rhys: oh i knew stamps had the queen on them

me: it's the same image!

rhys: what

me: the head on the stamps and the head on the coins is! the same! image!

rhys: ……….is it

me: yes

rhys: wait what do they have to do with the post boxes though. they're just red what's wrong with red?

me: th… they say E II R on them? now they'll have to say C III R i guess

rhys: what's E 2 R

me: elizabeth… the second… regina

rhys: regina?

me: queen. it's where regal regent etc come from. king is "rex" so still R but different initials like. still gotta be changed innit

rhys: hang on - elizabeth second? there was a first?

me: i genuinely do not think you are from this planet

if you're not from the UK and aren't aware of what our coins look like it's this

just... you know... so you can appreciate how funny it is that in 29 years he never noticed the "old lady" with

ELIZABETH II D G REG F D* [YEAR]

circling her head on every coin was, in fact, the queen and thought we just had some random generic old woman on there for aesthetic purposes or something idk

Yeah but, here’s the thing, Rhys didn’t notice because Rhys didn’t care about the queen. He’s not the weird one here.

Putting the face of a living monarch on your money, your stamps, and their initials on your postbox? That’s weird. Dead presidents is weird enough, but living monarch is just odd. And you’re just going to have to do this all over in 2d6 years when Chuck drops. 

Duck Amuck | Director: Chuck Jones | Studio: Warner Bros. | USA, 1953

NOT ME YOU SLOP ARTIST

This is a close up? A CLOSE UP YA JERK! A CLOSEUP!

Alright, let’s get this picture started! (The End) NO NOOOOO!

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One of the defining moments of animation history.

“Ain’t I a stinker?”

In Babylon 5, didn’t one of the non-humans think Daffy was the god of frustration?

G'Kar: I was studying this image. Is it one of his household gods? Zack Allan: That's Daf--Yeah, well, in a way I suppose it is. It's sort of the Egyptian god of frustration. G'Kar: Most appropriate!

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“Do you have an appointment?”

Deinah Azureback, Office Manger (43). 

“Oh, you mean back when! I was a rancher, oviraptors, you’d call them. . Had a big o’l flock, three ranch-claws, won best drumstick in the prefecture six seasons running. My first placement after the slip was an emu ranch. It didn’t work out. Emus? Surprisingly mean.

Now this? The pay’s regular and I’ve only had to bite someone once. So, six out of eight, I’d say.”