Suspicious Oprah masterpost
update: 3/10/2021
why š° is Mr. Ratburn š¦š¦ suckin on that nut š¢š¢ always šknew šhe šwas šgay šš³
everybody on here in 2016 that laughed at me when I said this.....yall played yourself
Straight White Boy Problem #1002
half of the football team got COVID this week so our game got canceled iām not mad iām not mad iām not mad iām not mad FUCK I JUST WANT TO HIT SOMETHING (punches drywall) oh shit that was kinda cringe *goes back to watching among us funny moments*Ā
Straight White Boy Problem #1001
gave my juul to preston in the uber and he fucking lost it. i already venmo requested him for it but he never pays people back. maybe his parents never gave him a credit card?????? if thats the case......then why does he always show up to bryanās house with a 6 pack of bud light....so confused
one of the reasons why I did straight white boy problems was because I wanted to grow as a person. This blog was my medium and I pushed myself to create, and to create, I had to expand my perspectives.Ā
In some ways, the straight white boy character that you became acquainted with was an exaggerated version of myself. Many of the problems were real life occurrences/observations/events that I drew from personal experience, but some problems also came from friends or were satirized to the point where the anecdote was unrealistic. Straight White Boy Problem #965Ā is honestly one of my personal favorites because this āproblemā was actually a real situation in my life, and this situation could apply for several dudes that are questioning the meaning of masculinity.
The person that started at problem #1 is not the same person that finished with problem #1000. I was very much a self-entitled brat when I started this blog, but i have grown since then. I will be graduating college in december with a dual degree, leadership positions in student organizations, and the confidence that I can go out and do anything I set my mind to.
having a level of internet popularity (this blog finished with just over 164k followers) on a medium such as tumblr is very scary. one bad move, and you lose your rep - we have seen that with zubat, pizza, and most recently, sixpenceee. my advice to yall is to keep holding people in these positions accountable, but NEVER elevate internet famous people above other people. not everything i said over 3 years was 100% politically correct, but when i was in the wrong, i had fair and jovial conversations with people to figure out why i was in the wrong. no matter where you go in life, try to treat everybody fairly and equally - hopefully they will do the same to you.Ā
as for my name, you can call me alec. i did promise iād tell you guys who i was after everything was said and done so there ya go.
thank you for following this blog and thank you for being a part of this experience. this blog was a giant, beautiful mistake that just kinda happened and im happy that yall enjoyed it as much as i did. i may do something in the future, i may not, but i leave this blog a changed and better person.
sincerely,
swbp
when this blog began back in March of 2014, nothing was expected from it. ironically, this blog was the manifestation of a post (that post is here) from earlier that month and this blog was created to share some laughs among some bored friends
a couple of these friends reblogged some of the posts on the blog and the blog suddenly went viral, with a bunch of people asking āwhen are you going to make more?ā
so what is this blog?
looking back -and i didnt necessarily plan this - the blog had three distinct stages
- relatable humor blog (problems 1-120)
- nuanced perspectives of life from straight white boys (121-350)
- humor/character driven, non-linear story development (351-1000)
i had no idea what the hell i was doing through the first two stages. sometime during the second stage, I asked myself, āhmmā¦this blog focuses on teenage masculinityā¦how do other people see teenage masculinity and how do I, literally, show that one can become better?ā the answer to this is the product that you see today. i wanted to develop a humorized abstract of masculinity through the eyes of a straight white boy instead of continuing to callously satirize white boys. so the product you see today is a result of that. i wanted to keep this blog as ambiguous as i could and I wanted other people to form their own opinions of this blog so, as good artists do, i didnāt say anything.Ā
the ask above was the last ask that I saw in my inbox this afternoon and i have seen this ask probably over 500 times over the history of the blog. so to answer the questionā¦.the answer is both. the blog is supposed to be like this in order to invoke a sense of levity, but also to create a reality that is true for some straight white dudes, and in my opinion, it is what made the blog unique.Ā
why even do this?
I have been on tumblr since 2012. I have seen a lot of shit. from francieum, the club penguin blogs, badgoku14, and the sandsverse blogs - I wanted to bring something different to tumblr - i wanted to poke fun at straight white boys, but i wanted to be entirely realistic and spot on as well. Thereās a reason why there isnāt a āGay Black Girl Problemsā and thatās because not many people can relate to what a gay, black girl goes through day in and day out. Straight White Boys are everywhere, and for that reason, many people can, at the least, relate to being in the presence of a straight white boy, and if i could do that with clever, realistic humor and didnāt demonize white dudes, i knew that the community would be better off for it. additionally, there are few, pure content creators on this site anymore. I know a lot of people use this site as an escape and look for humor to cheer them up, so I thought that I could give back and help people when this site helped me laugh when I was feeling down
who are you?
the wait will be over very very soon
Straight White Boy Problem #1000
me: Iām so SICK of Megan not texting me back! and NOBODY wants to play basketball right now. at least Jason wants to play fifa with me later but I have to eat in 30 mins bc my mom is picking me up chipotle for dinner and i KNOW she is going to forget the guacā¦ā¦Why is the world completely against me?
everybody: the world is againstā¦.you? there are more things going on in the world than justā¦you. straight white boys like you donāt have THAT many problemsā¦.
me: *thinks about all of my problems* hahaha well i disagree with thatā¦
everybody: ā¦Straight White Boys donāt have as many problems compared to any other group of people and, realistically, usually benefit from societal norms that are set up in their favor
me: ohā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦waitā¦ā¦i guess i really donāt have that many problems compared to everybody else. while there are some things that are issues in my life, it is up to MYSELF to overcome my own issues instead of complaining about them. and while some problems are out of my control, i have to react to these dilemmas in a positive way so that I can better myself and better others around me as well. Knowing this, i think im ready to move on, ready to do bigger things, ready to contribute to society. iām finally here.
who writes straightwhiteboyproblems is it a straight white boy because if not how is it always so true
just wrote the last problem for this blog š look for it sometime this weekend
Straight White Boy Problem #858
for the past ten years, me and my black friend (lol Iām not racist!) have become best friends! hes my best buddy but i feel bad for him sometimes because i have heard people say that he is ātoo whiteā for a black kidā¦ā¦.how do they want him to act? If heās too black, is that a problem too? why does it even matter how a person lives their life if it isnt affecting someone else? it makes me mad that people are THIS ignorant, but I told him not to listen to those jerks. hes my bro and I gotta support my bro
that-communist-weeaboo
My favorite thing about straightwhiteboyproblems is pretending itās a single straight white boy saying all this, like itās a diary into his life. And then you realize that heās actually a pretty nice guy at heart but he wants to be cool, so he hangs out with some kinda crappy people. Heās always complaining about racism and homophobia and stuff but heās afraid to say something because his āolder brosā might not like him anymore. Itās honestly a kind of bittersweet narrative. Iād like to think if straight white boy had fallen in with a better crowd in middle school he could be more open and nice. Be more himself and not be so ensnared with whatās cool like weed and snap backs. Straight white boy is honestly a really interesting character when you look at him like this.
Straight White Boy Problem #999
every time my bros and I get together, we always end up comparing ourselves to one another and, sometimes, itās really really frustrating!! I donāt care how many insta followers you have! I donāt care how much your new car is that your PARENTS bought for you! I donāt care how many girls you say you hooked up - this ESPECIALLY goes for you KYLE! These comparisons are not good because we pit ourselves against each other just to feel superior over the people that we are closest to! if all of my bros got along and werenāt ignorant, the world would be a lot more peaceful
Straight White Boy Problem #998
me: *leaving the house to see friends*
Dad: where are you going?
Me: just hanging with Zach and Miles whatās up
Dad: ohā¦itsā¦nothingā¦*pulls up iphone to look at his stocks*
Me: ā¦.whatās up
Dad: I just thoughtā¦ya know we could go play some soccerā¦
Me: *knowing my soccer days are well behind me* yeah..Iāll tryā¦I gotta go dadā¦Miles and Zach are waiting on me
*As I exit the garage, I slowly realize that my dad invested a huge amount of his ego into me as a sports dad and even though I havenāt played sports in a while, he still remembers games and talks about them, even if I donāt remember. Was I such a big part of his ego that he couldnāt disassociate himself from my success in sports? Will I become a pushy sports dad and tell my children to relish the feelings of competitive sports? Is this what my future is like?*
Straight White Boy Problem #997
broā¦..maybe we should like expand our perspectivesā¦.no im not talking about getting high! fuck that dudeā¦im talking about traveling the world, meeting new people, doing something new, being open to new ideas! We arenāt getting that in the suburbs dude. The only place with culture is the Whole Foods down the streetā¦.and that Mexican restaurant in that shopping plaza next to the Target. But broā¦broā¦listen to meā¦we shouldā¦no Iām NOT going to listen to the new Barstool podcast Jimmy fuck let me finish!! We should be open to new things...like dude I watched soccer for the FIRST TIME last year and now i really really like it! lol maybe I'll start wearing more vineyard vines than polo..? we just got to be open to new ideas bro!!
Whats the difference between a dude and a bro?
a dude is someone who can likeā¦chill. Heās someone who you can expect to agree with you on sports and is someone you can play fifa with but he probably doesnāt have your best interests in mind when it comes to personal things and is likely to start drama over some petty shit bc you made out with rachel or whatever
HOWEVERā¦.a bro is everything like a dude but heās someone that is there for ya! Heās like familyā¦hence the BRO part of BROTHER. If you have an actual brother, your BRO probably knows more about you than your actual brother. He knows pretty much everything about you and everybody knows that you and him are really really good friends!
That pretty much sums up the difference
do you ever get hate saying you stereotype straight people?
yeah
these are two prime examples, but trust me, there are definitely more lol
Straight White Boy Problem #996
my friend has been dealing with some mental shit for the past couple months. Like bad stuff. One of his friends passed away. He had a bad breakup with his gf. Its hard for me bc i sit there and listen to his problems even if I donāt want to. But I know I have to. Because if I dont, who will? Iām happy I can be there for him. Mental health is so stigmatized among men and I know there are so many other guys that donāt have the support they need. I know. Bc I was there