We Go Together or Not at All

they should invent. The sleep button. You press it and you go to sleap

Look, I love Stede Bonnet but so many fanfics and aus make him way too nice. Like sure he reads the crew bedtime stories but also when he heard the Swede’s teeth were falling out he was like “idk thoughts and prayers I guess, I’m going on a date.” He made Lucius wear an all white outfit to the Republic of Pirates and got mad at him when it got dirty. He insulted Roach’s cake!

Stede isn’t nice! He’s insane! He almost faints when his crew is getting ready for a raid but then when Blackbeard’s crew does a raid he’s like “oooh Lucius note the gusto” as Lucius nearly throws up next to him. He willingly picks severed noses up off of the ground but wants to know if the army has less scratchy blankets. Twice he finds out someone was going to murder him and both times that makes his relationship with them better.

He’s insane! He’s a huge bitch! I love him!

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

I Am So Fucking Tired

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

We shall have a summer wedding

an author i love just tweeted about how “big joy and small joy are the same” and how she was just as content the other night eating chocolate and cuddling her dog as she was on her Big Trip to new york and honestly. i think that’s it. this morning i was listening to an audiobook while baking shortbread in my joggers and i realised i really didn’t care what Big Things happened in my future as long as i could keep baking and reading at the weekend and maybe that is the kind of bar we have to set to guard ourselves against disappointment. just appreciate and cherish the mundane stuff and see everything else as a bonus.

found it - she was replying to this thread that starts “unpopular opinion: i don’t think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; i think it’s okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die” and i for one think that’s fucking brilliant

thinking about how good friendship is…..like two people just like each other….and choose over and over to spend time with each other……quite special how diverse human relationships are..every friendship is special and u cant be close friends with everybody…..for some unknown reason certain people just enjoy each other..and i think we take for granted how fantastic that is

tom hardy saying he feels at odds with his status as a male action hero bc he feels "intrinsically feminine" is miles and miles more gender fuckery than anything harry styles has done in his entire career

boyband boy could never effortlessly be this

posting your fic on AO3 like

please read the description for awesomedice.com’s 1-sided die

some of the hermits but creepy :D 

When we posted the alternate ending for The Giving Tree a couple of weeks ago, it roused a lot of strong opinions for or against the rewrite. People either LOVED it or HATED it.

So… here’s another alternate ending (also by Topher Payne) to a much-debated children’s book, The Rainbow Fish.

What do we think of this one?

…

Just read The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister as usual, right up to the visit to the octopus. Then, make the switch and read this as an alternative to everything that follows.

high school teachers: if you don’t show up with a dress and full makeup or a fitted tuxedo to class everyday to college your professors will execute you

college professors: 

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

Why is this making me look forward to college

But I would not oppose the invention of a telepathic keyboard.

Yep, it’d be just like that. :))))))))

My dash did a “multiply your time estimates by 4″ thing

i'm not actually mad i just like the comedic delivery of righteous but pointless anger

if i ever met pikachu, i would shake his little paw and be like “im a big fan of your work”

and he’d b like “pika!” and make the :3c face and i would b like “exactly”