Some Kind of Old

@somekindofold / somekindofold.tumblr.com

Adventures with a ninety-five-year-old
Me: OK, see you later.
Gran: No, but I'm worried.
Me: About what?
Gran: The little girl!
Me: What little girl?
Gran: Yours.
Me: I don't have a little girl. I don't have any kids.
Gran: Well in that case, let's dance. Do do dooo do do bah bum!
Gran: Look at her ass. It's so wobbly. I wonder what she keeps in there.
Gran: Is Lupita here?
Me: (point to the dinner table) Yeah, she's over there.
Gran: Oh, the one with her butt facing this way?
Gran: (Touches my tattoos) These are pretty. Do they come off?
Me: No. Do you want one?
Gran: Not right now.
Me: How about tomorrow?
Gran: Yeah, let's do it tomorrow.
Gran: (holds out food) This is too sweet.
Me: It's vegetable soup. There is no way it can be sweet.
Gran: Well, I said sweet, but that's not what I meant. It's not sweet at all.
At Target
Me: Do you like this cushion?
Gran: Yes it's very pretty. How much is it?
Mom: Twenty-five dollars.
Gran: (gasps; makes the sign of the cross) Oh, no no no.