Shallow - Chapter Fourteen
@dreamsaremywords your turn ;)
-------------------------
“Why are you so twitchy?” Raven asks, eyes narrow as she stares up at Clarke from her hospital bed. She looks really good, rested and more alert than she was yesterday.
She’s also prodding incessantly into Clarke’s personal life, which is the most telling sign that she’s feeling better. “I’m not twitchy.”
“You are, your foot is tapping like you’ve missed a hit of something and you keep staring at your watch. Am I keeping you from something?”
Clarke sighs, shaking her head - now feeling bad because her mind is in a lot of different places. “No, it’s not you. I…tomorrow is date night with Lexa.”
“Ah, which one is this?”
“Three,” she says, knowing the onslaught is coming.
“Ooh, you know what that means,” Raven winks, because of course she does.
The only problem is, Clarke’s usual line of ‘we’re holding off on sex’ doesn’t come out. She can't find the will to say it.
She’s losing her own game. “I know,” she hates how disappointed she sounds.
Raven catches it, of course. “Are you not excited? I thought date number two was awesome?”
“No, it was. I’m excited I just…” she really doesn’t know how to explain it - she can't hardly explain it to herself. “Nevermind.”
“Come on, Clarke. Look at me. I’m sick and have been through a traumatic event in my life. I'm a shell of myself, give me something to hold on to.”
Now it’s Clarke’s turn to narrow her eyes. “Your super hot girlfriend just went to buy you flamin’ hot cheetos, don’t give me a sob story.”
Raven smiles brightly. “You’re right, my life is pretty great.” Clarke rolls her eyes, but can't stop herself from smiling too. “Make it better, give me your drama. You and Lexa are better than the shitty daytime soaps I find on TV in this place.”
If there’s anyone she can open up to about this stuff, these things in her head that don’t even make sense to her, it’s Raven.
“I’m going to lose,” she says - almost to herself.
“Lose what?”
Clarke sighs. “I thought…I wanted her to need it, you know? Need me. I needed her to look at me and say that she has to have me.”
She can tell she’s got Raven’s attention because she turns the TV off overhead and sits up as best she can with her leg in a full cast. “Have you not had that already? I know you two held off when you went legit but she’s certainly needed you before.” Hearing it like that sounds so stupid, she feels stupid. So much so that she doesn’t have an answer. “Oh,” Raven says and Clarke peeks up at her, partially terrified Raven’s going to call out her absurdity. “This is about her ex, isn’t it?”
As soon as Raven says it, Clarke flinches. “Maybe,” she admits. “I dunno.”
“It’s not that crazy, Clarke.”
She looks up at her best friend, curious and grateful for her understanding. Even if she has a hard time accepting it. “No?”
“This ex, she’s attractive?”
Clarke nods. “She’s a dance instructor with literally perfect complexion and gorgeous hair and…yeah. She’s attractive.”
“So much so that you’re feeling a little outclassed?”
This conversion is starting to tumble downhill. “I guess,” Clarke grumbles.
“And she’s into Lexa, so if Lexa wants it, she can probably get it.”
“Raven, is this steering into the direction of actually making me feel better or…”
“Look, I get what you were going for. You want to feel wanted. You want Lexa to beg you to take her home and fuck her.”
