thriving and stu(dying)

HANDS SPEAK SECRETS (acrylic on paper) https://www.instagram.com/sunlightafterdark/?hl=en

why did my mom end this text with a wink

she’s the prowler

hate to repost but the bde that is sheerly radiating out of this picture is just too much

- @jistring

PUT YOUR HAND IN THAT CRACK

AND YOU WONT GET IT BACK

WHEEEEN THE JAWS OPEN WIDE

AND THERE’S MORE JAWS INSIDE

WHEN IT SWIMS ON A REEF

AND HAS TWO SETS OF TEETH

WHEN IT JUMPS FROM THE MUCK

AND YOU SCREAM “WHAT THE FUCK!?”

I. I didn’t know I needed this.

Everyone, this is it. My favorite pun. Right here.

you know what F*CK gender norms

i’m going to jupiter to get more stupider

*grabs hand* No, we’re going to jupiter to get more stupider

girls night

broke: only slash three tires because if you slash all four then insurance will cover it but they won’t cover three (this is literally not true btw and could serve to establish in court that you were slashing their tires to cause maximum financial damage as opposed to an emotional rage)

woke: slash all four tires because fuck em

bespoke: slash two tires diagonally opposite from each other. nobody has more than one spare, it’s impossible to get up on jacks, and trying to drive it will destroy the undercarriage as it rocks back and forth and slams into the ground

true ending: don’t fucking slash tires because they’re under insane amounts of pressure and putting a knife between yourself and an exploding tire is a bad idea. just get a pair of clippers and cut the valve stem to cause an unfixable leak like a normal person

now why would u think my gay ass knows what a valve stem is…?

this fucker right here

circumcision

speak not of rare pepes when you can have

pepe pig

NPC in Video Game: *Gossips about another NPC* Me:

Who knew color-inverted molten glass could inspire some headcanons about a vore OC’s guts

this is the worst thing anyone’s put on any of my posts.

i am DELETING twitter

This turned me gay

Being reminded of this as a queer adult is so wild because you realize some very overt shit. Like, Bobby emits ice from his whole body. Grabbing the bottle was enough! In fact, he didn’t even have to grab the bottle, a simple poke would have worked or he could have shot ice from a distant. Him blowing on this bottle was 3000% overt flirting and honestly the gayest thing I’ve probably ever seen a mutant use their powers for and Wolverine was here for it all and no one will tell me differently.

It’s that eye contact

Wow, who knew wolverine was trade

We’ve always be in the know….

Being 18-25 is like playing a video game where you’ve skipped the tutorial and you’re just sort of running about with no idea how anything works

Me: loves to lick the spoon after stirring brownie batter, doesn’t care about Sal Monella, whoever that is

what english lit degree gay whose career didn’t take off exactly as he wanted is out there making self aware, self referential meta gay porn?

now THIS is an ally

Awe dude his sister died last year and she was gay.

And he had this huge mass wedding party to honor her.

And he called a bunch of celebrity chefs to make the food for it.

Wow this is… really cute?

I’m… sympathizing with Guy Fieri?

(And he did 101 gay weddings because he was trying to compare the Attorney General against marriage equality to Cruella DeVille, like, 101 dalmations.)

THE TRUE UNPROBLEMATIC FAVE

Come to think of it I never actually found a single reason to dislike him. To my knowledge he’s just a goofball who likes food.

Wow this is the MOST horrifying thing I have read in, uhhhh, YEARS

Um. This is terrifying. 

This is like the horror story retelling of that news article from a few years ago about a woman living in an apartment’s ceiling and eating a guys leftovers. 

why are there bruises on my knees

i snuck into your house while you were sleeping and used one of those doctor reflex tester hammers to beat the shit out of your knees specifically