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poor old granny scorpion-shoes. no one ever saw her death coming

it was pneumonia.

yes, her pet scorpion pneumonia, who lived in her shoe. tragic.

he shot her point blank

It’s literally a circle. They’re cousins. It’s insane.

If you look up Queen Elizabeth’s family tree, they’ve hidden it DEEP in Google searches, but if you look up Prince Phillip’s family tree you’ll see the circle right away.

And it gets worse lmfao because their common ancestor, Queen Victoria, has quite the family tree herself:

Two circles are seen here - one alarmingly small showing that Victoria and her husband Albert are first cousins. The bigger one shows that her own mother married her third cousin once removed, making Victoria her own mothers fourth cousin, meaning Albert was not just Victorias cousin, but also her fourth cousin once removed.

This means that Elizabeth is Philips third cousin, and his fifth cousin and his seventh cousin once removed.

Happy Fall!

growing up doing living history means that we had a lot of historical objects and appliances in active use so when I read fantasy books where “bedwarmer” was used as a euphemism for a courtesan or concubine I took it extremely literally and thought that these fantasy nobles just had really cold winters and needed to hire women to heat their bedding with these things:

and that when protagonists spoke dismissively about how they didn’t want to be relegated to some guy’s bedwarmer, it meant they wanted to hook up with him but were afraid of being given chores instead

which was almost the right idea

Enjoying the thought of a young and inexperienced fantasy noble who gets sent a 'bedwarmer' for the night (wink wink nudge nudge), maybe after a battle or something when everybody's celebrating, but nobody's ever explained the euphemism to him so he ends up just lying there next to her like, 'This bed *is* nice and warm now.'

“So,” said the young Count as the woman’s fingers brushed his chest in the dark. “You must have really good circulation, huh? Is that how you got the job?”

“I didn’t realize men could be bedwarmers,” said the Count, frowning at the svelte body stretched beside him. “I guess it makes sense, though. You look like you have a really high metabolism.”

The other man laughed huskily. “The good Duke said you made no use of the women he sent you. He hopes that I may be more suited to your needs…”

Then Count touched his fingers to his face. He did tend to run cool, but he’d put on a little fat since the last time he’d stayed beneath the Duke’s roof and was not so quick to chill.

“The ladies did a fine job,” he said, a little defensively. He was not the skinny boy he’d been during the first campaign. Surely he did not need a remedial bedwarmer.

“Mmm,” said the other man. “I’m sure they did. We could call them in to join us, if you like.”

The Count glanced at the heavy woolen bedclothes and at the fire crackling in the hearth. He’d wake up swimming in his own sweat if any more bodies were added to the mix. “No thank you,” he said. He scratched his chin thoughtfully. “What do you folks do during the summers, anyway?”

“My lord?”

{ID - a photo of a historical heating tool, which looks like a copper pan on a long stick. END ID}

Poor Count, everyone's gonna be convinced he's a eunuch.

its no longer labor day you cant reblog the todaybor day post anymore

there’s only 4 hours of labor day left and absolutely nobody on my dash posted todaybor day is labor day. fucking unbelievable. i have to do everything around here

it’s that time of year again lads

good morning americans

i feel like these unown are trying to tell me something…..

Infinite monkey theorem

I literally didn’t know Gorbachev was still alive. This means that, hypothetically, he could see this post:

rip to gorbachev, hope he saw this post before he died

do u ppl say ‘etic’ or ‘eee tee sea’ when u read this?-> etc.

what the hell. what’s goign on. are you all pranking me

It's what he would've wanted

a couple weeks ago I was shouting at my monitor abt what a terrible bastard man lolorito is and my wife came over to see him and was like "listen babe I'm sure he is terrible but it's very funny to hear you say that about someone who looks like a baby wearing a fake mustache"

I cannot take lalafels seriously my wife's just like this BABY is a war criminal

HE IS A WAR CRIMINAL AND A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MAN

both of these men are capitalist war profiteers who exploit refugee labor on starvation wages

-beard

this is the only su discourse i want to talk about

obsessed with this person i want to encase them in amber and study them like a paleolithic mosquito 

*hooting* the robot is colorblind!

I am so honored to have been invited to contribute to the world’s first robot dick pic,

wait what