romulus: hey dude i'm thinking we name our new city "rome", after the first bit of my name. remus (thinking): probably won't be a 500 year transcontinental empire... should be fine
i have come to your house and knocked all your books on the floor and stomped on all of them with big boots. even the ones with hard covers where the spines are fraying. and i have spilt blue powerade on them. and now i have come to you with tears in my eyes. not because i am sorry. but because you will have to buy more books before i can stomp again
there should be more ages where you unlock abilities. 18 vote. 21 drink in american bars. 28 you get to get to tell a cop to fuck off once a year. 40 you get to use blow darts. 55 you get a list of every celebrity who's psycho. 70 immune to poisons
they should make a phone you can use in the car. being on your phone is so fun. and being in the car is sooo boring
if i was an octopus i would use six hands to hold cold beverages. and i would use my last two hands for my regular tasks.
my love language? is wrapping a bunch of tomatoes in an old grey sweater and leaving it in the road to teach whoever runs over it to drive more carefully ❤
i don't need to go to the doctor. i already know what's going on: god is using dermatitis to punish me for shoplifting
SPIDERS GEORG IS MAX LAVERGN???
well baby it's time for me to fess up. i was just kidding around before when i said i didn't know who did spiders georg. truth is it was me all along. and not a day goes by when i don't regret it. making a post about math. nobody should do that. get numbers out of your head. statistics. the natural world never asked us to torture it like this. i apologize to you and everyone else
critics should save it for conversations with their friends. what you thought about a movie has no place in the news paper
"the great unwashed"... that's pretty good. remind me to call my buddies that. (touching my ear even though i clearly don't have an earpiece) computer, remind me to call my buddies that.
Anonymous asked:
hey didnt you make spiders georg
ok i'll bite. what's spiders george
if she-hulk was in my courtroom i'd hit her with a tranquilizer dart and drag her ass to the zoo 💯
if a hand shot out from inside the supermarket fridge and grabbed my wrist as i was getting milk i would greet it as an old friend
attention video game studios ✋🛑 i will write your next video game 😳 want proof? 🧵
me and my buddies are gaslighting each other as a form of experimental narrative fiction that interrogates traditional notions of audience