spotify wrapped but it’s your bank showing you your 100 worst purchases of the year
Unmute !
iplaytolosebitch
[Two people dancing to “September” by Earth, Wind, and Fire]
Hey has anyone seen Oscar anywhere recently? My friend Oscar?
The grouch.
finding out that almost all other animals don’t have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester
like, hey, cat why don’t you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you
wack.
humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?
evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise*
Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:
- Periods
- Bad backs
- Permanent breasts that do not leave once baby is weaned
- Dangerously large, unprotected, and non retractable male reproductive systems
- Huge brain takes up way too much energy gotta eat more sleep less
- Baby brain bigger than hips guess birth is life threatening now
- Takes like 25 years for big brain to even finish maturing
•Teeth are critical to living, yet not designed to last more than a few years without constant intervention and upkeep, and don’t grow back if this is not accomplished. Also, losing your teeth means the bones in your ear will shift, and your hearing will worsen.
•Breathing, eating, communication all from the same pathway, major choking hazard. Give me a dolphin style breathing tube.
•Most pleasurable nerve endings on the body locating on the filthiest parts of you, guarenteed spread of bacteria.
•knees and shoulders have almost zero capability to heal correctly, once they break, they’re basically broken forever without massive outside influence.
thebibliophibian
truer words
if i start talking to you about really stupid shit and im not trying to look intelligent anymore that means youve done it. obtained true trust levels. god tier friendship.
Warming her tootsies.
me acting like ive did nothing wrong ever
he bake the beans
Reblog if you’re bisexual, support bisexual people or are actually a bunch of tiny velociraptors in a human suit
Reblog if you’re bisexual, support bisexual people or are actually a bunch of tiny velociraptors in a human suit
abandonedandurbex
The New World Mall, in Bangkok, was closed in 1997 after it was found to have breached building regulations.
kvltmvtherfvcker1349mvrdermvsic
Yeah it looks like they put some of it in the water. Classic mall mistake
i’ve seen a lot of good character dynamics on my dash recently but there’s an excellent one i think you’re all forgetting: two people who are the smart, sensible voices of reason respected by their peers for their level-headedness and intelligence when they’re apart, but who turn into unholy chaotic disasters with zero impulse control as soon as they join forces
hexglyphs
like they each have an IQ of 160+ but whenever they’re together they cancel each other out and regress to utter Dumbass Bastard Mode™️
