Prof. Catface Meowmers

I was trying to explain to my sister-in-law that I simply cannot turn on my car headlights if anyone is looking at me and she thought I was crazy.

Literally nothing more embarrassing than tying your shoes in public like oh look at me I'm a 5 year old because I couldn't tie my shoes tight enough to last a walk through the kroger

are y’all okay

no

social anxiety is wild yall

the nightmare of when it’s raining and having to use umbrella but wait oh no, what if u’re just overreacting with the umbrella and ppl will think u’re a lil bitch who can’t handle a small drizzle

listen im as atheist as they come but who can truly be injured by driving past this guy. i love to see his stupid little scythe. he is made of metal and TAKEN FROM A GAS STATION

hieronymus bosch sounds like a surfer term for a particularly gnarly wave you know. duuuude that was one righteous bosch back there are you okay? yeah that was hieronymus bro. you nearly ended up in the garden of earthy delights man hahaha

hello, walter white. before you is the bad. you have 5 minutes to break it or else it will be you, who is broken. im jigsaw

LMAO look at this!!

wizard: i have trapped you in a time loop >:)

me, loves routines: oh darn whatever shall i do

wizard: you know, the point of the time loop is to have some big revelation and work on yourself, not to keep attempting to redo all your awkward moments in small talk conversations

me, on day 33 of my time loop: stfu im going back to the coffee shop again today and when the barista tells me to enjoy my drink THIS TIME i am not going to say “you too”

Venus fly trap

(via)

when you have plans in the morning you can still live an eventful & fulfilling life afterwards but when you've got plans in the afternoon? well that's your whole day

octopus 2022 wrapped

coral 10023 times

ocean floor 8064 times

coconut shell 244 times

various fish 196 times

scuba divers long lost wife 12 times

(flight intercom) this is the pilot speaking. yeah we expect todays flight to be normal. um if you look out your window you shouldnt see the skull

They’re dating

This also works if you ask them if they're dating

You’re RIGHT

rewatched chicken run

I’m running for president under the slogan “fuck around and find out”

No vice president just me and this baseball bat

Thank you.

Not your typical coat color in a cat

I think it's probably actually an orange kitten with a very 'sooty' cast to it.

Better lighting and he looks even weirder. What even is this color, sir?

... this is now stuck in my head on repeat, so it wins

*edit*

He is now named Grownge, officially.

Grownge was available for adoption today for an entire 30 minutes before being adopted.