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A lifetime of knowledge in a single syringe

@porthos4ever / porthos4ever.tumblr.com

Multi-fannish writer. Bisexual Fandom aunt. I have The Goodest Wife. Trans & Black lives matter. Love each other. Share joy and beauty in the world. Appreciate what people give you. Don't be a dick. Watch Dark City. ---- #Blocking TERFs and faschists on tumblr since 2007

Haha, so I’ve been saying I’m going to write something like this forever, and then yesterday my housemate found that someone beat me to it.

Required reading, friends! So you don’t screw it up if you’re writing fanfic – and so you can suffer along with me if you’re reading it.

My contribution to the smut talk behind the cut. XD (And also one of my Craig-writing friend’s finest moments.) So strap in for –

Excellent archive and top ups. And I may have an answer for the 1-2-3-DICK question (or at least an influence.)

Being a smut writer back in the early oughts (or as we called it then, lemon or lime), there was a lot of Magical self-lubricating yaoi assholes, but a definite desire to become more accurate and educated as writers got experience. But nobody was posting sex advice on Reddit, so unless you wanted to get Real Friendly with your gay BFF (I definitely did) info from dudes actually into butt stuff was rare.

But you know what wasn’t rare? Sue Johanson. Sue Johanson, telling a nice straight man who wanted to try pegging how to “prepare” himself. Starting with a finger. Adding another finger when he was “less tight”. Working his way up to it.

Somehow, to our gay-sex-knowledge-starved-brains, we all collectively heard “1-2-3-DICK”. And that advice was somehow suddenly everywhere? I definitely saw it on advice websites. It was saucy, I’m sure people stole it..And all the little smut writers who took whatever gay advice we could get.

whats the best way to trim the crest+beard of a silkie? this lady can barely see with all that floof! 

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chickenkeeping

apparently some people use little headbands to keep the fluff out of their eyes

80s chickens

yo im late but when i first got my polish frizzle bantams years ago from their breeder their crests were up to keep them out of the mud (because they’re show birds) and the result was amazing

chef hats/make-up brush hair

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chickenkeeping

i love them thank you for the advice

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chickenkeeping

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to Google what frizzles looked like normally and

Guys. IMAGINE THE DINOSAURS.

Fundamental life advice: never trust a product from a youtuber/influencer sponsorship

  • Raycons - overpriced repackaged cheap bullshit
  • Hello fresh - last years workers were on strike for shitty work conditions and there’s reports of union busting. Never have i seen a youtuber acknowledge this at all
  • Adam and Eve - the dildos aren’t all from body safe materials. Don’t risk it with cheap dildos it can fuck your body up
  • Audible - owned by amazon
  • Idk which one but one of the vpn ones mined bitcoin from ur computer and they’re useful but generally falsely advertised, not a big tech person but this guy talks about it
  • All the fit teas and shakes etc are bullshit that just makes you poop and loose water weight short term
  • Raid shadow legends - lol do i even need to explain this one
  • All the loot crates - filled with cheap junk they’re getting wholesale
  • The online coupon thingies are a data harvesting scam. Just google the shop name + coupon when shopping
  • The online therapy better help was a whole big controversy and i still see this shitty company being promoted

Idk maybe the learning platform ones are the exception but i never looked into them

Adding on to this. Skillshare is hard to cancel. There’s a slight chance this has changed but when I looked into subscribing, there was a lot of people complaining about having to email the company multiple times to cancel.

Since Squarespace is templets, they legally own whatever you make. If you decide to change providers, you can’t take it with you. You’re stuck with them forever or have to rebuild your website from the ground up. You at least own the domain name so there’s that, but for me it’s not worth the work if I have to restart should I ever decide I hate the company.

I want more people to know this because every time I’ve looked into something advertised by youtubers, it’s never been good.

"Function of Beauty" hair products. Have been known since like 2016 to cause hair loss.

I actually really liked Bright Cellars, it was just way too much wine for me to drink to continue a subscription!

Ah yes of course, as a woman my Womanly Brain is repelled by Man Only Things like Scripted Content which literally covers roughly 90% of all content created by all forms of written and performed media

All women everywhere despise things like books, movies, television shows, plays, musicals, operas.

SUCH THINGS ARE ONLY FOR MEN

I should concentrate on womanly things like what dress I should wear to the upcoming cotillion where perhaps if I am silent and know my place I might find a wealthy gentleman who owns land who shall take me as his wife!

Which is the dream of every woman, as we all know

#1: HUGE suspicion on sample bias (eg: HBO shows already targeted to men propagate the platform's demographics)

#2: I feel like there also needs to be some type of shorthand - equivalent to "correlation =/= causation" for:

"Maybe women have so much additional unpaid responsibilities in a household/marriage/parenting situation that they don't have the luxury of investing in long-term story driven programming."

(in both cases, fuck the patriarchy.)

When I am emperor, I will make everyone who refers to women’s leg hair removal as “basic hygiene” fight to the death in my coliseum.

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finally it will be understood that I am doing it not for hygiene but for slut reasons

sluts are welcome in my empire, be they hairy or smooth

Confused, but cautiously willing to welcome these slippery people into my empire so long as I can put down some plastic drop clothes over the couches before they sit down, and provided they do not become evangelical or moralizing about their thigh slime. (Why stop at thighs? Why not emulate the valiant eel and opt for a full mucusoid coat?)

This probably refers to people whose thighs touch and chafe when they’re wearing shorts or skirts

Aww, and here I was planning an imperial holiday called Slime Fest, with mandatory public slimings.

Very well, anti-chafing measures are permissible. I want my subjects to be comfortable (when they are not fighting to the death obviously).

your highness can we still have slime fest?

*imperial majesty thx

Imperial majesty, can we still have the slime fest?

hmmmmmm

no I’m too sad that the eel people don’t exist and I shall declare an Imperial Day of Sulking instead

all are welcome

The imperial Majesty Sulking

for three hours each day we will open the doors of the palace to the public so that my subjects may view their emperor sulking about the eel people from the royal observation chamber

there will be hors d'oeuvre

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DRAWTECTIVES S2 SPOILERS!!

here’s the end scroll for the drawtectives finale! what if we kissed at the huck e heez and we were both running haha jk….. unless

What if we both briefly had amnesia and coffee pun names and fell in love haha jk... unless....

Hey!! congrats on the #1 for sandman!

i’ve just started the second ep, and i had a question: is the lucifer portrayed by Gwendoline Christie here the same (or at least, distinctly related to) the tom ellis lucifer?

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The Tom Ellis Lucifer is inspired by the Gwendoline Christie Lucifer.

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I loved the hints of Lucifer's internal turmoil Gwendoline Christie brought to the role. So subtle and yet somehow so blatant. Morpheus wins and escapes because of that, because Lucifer hopes, dreams of something so much more than the fate they've been punished with.

TikTok is for young people what those terrible magazines in grocery store check outs are for my mom’s generation.

I.e., a source of massive disinformation about the world; trendy (but bullshit) diet and exercise advice; and pictures of recipes that you’ll probably never try.

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TikTok

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This is giving Facebook far too much credit. Everyone KNEW that Weekly World News was a farce (and it was amazing. I miss bat boy.)