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How Convenient

@piedude / piedude.tumblr.com

So old, so terribly, terribly old, somewhere around Chicago. Irish (Gaeilge) and  ancient Ireland in general. I love ATLA, The Dresden Files, The Walking Dead, GoT, Castle, Fringe and a lot of other shows.

"People with RSD have such a strong emotional reaction to negative judgments, exclusion, or criticism from others that it sends them into a mental tailspin, leading to rumination and the pit-of-the-stomach malaise that won't let them move forward with their day. They feel like failures, disproportionate to what has actually occurred. They may feel rage and want to lash out. They often exaggerate how people are against them, or how much people dislike them, or they carry long-term shame."

This explains everything about my life, thank you for coming to my TED Talk

Hey. I teach elementary school kids. This is how they learn about the Kellogg brothers.

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The only thing that's actually wrong here is that the Battle Creek Sanitarium was absolutely not a hospital. It was closer to a health resort. John Harvey Kellogg invented the sanitarium because hospitals at the time were so shitty.

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A Crispy Mistake

It recently came up in conversation with my toddler that some birds can talk, and this has caused her great concern.

See, we were talking about how movies are pretend and how in real life, animals don’t talk. I mentioned that there are some birds who talk a little bit, but not like the animals in movies, and she just looked at me like “???”

So I informed her that some kinds of parrots can copy sounds that people make, and can learn how to say words. I thought this would give her a giggle, as fun new facts often do, but she was just deeply perplexed and a little worried about this.

“Birds can talk?” “Do they ask questions?” “What do they say?” Why do they talk?” “Do chickens talk?” “What about Blue Jays?” “Why do some birds talk?” “How do they talk?” “Birds TALK???”

We showed her a video of a parrot doing the “Hello, pretty bird, give a kiss” thing, and she was dead silent the whole time, hugging her comfort pillow with her knees to her chest. We asked if she wanted us to turn it off, and she shook her head. But we also asked if she wanted to see another one, and she shook her head even harder.

I don’t know why it has distressed her so greatly to learn that some birds can mimic human speech; but then again, I don’t know why it doesn’t distress the rest of us more to know that some birds can mimic human speech.

I keep thinking about that post that’s like “The first person to hear a parrot talk was probably Not Okay.” Because that’s exactly what happened. She had never been introduced to the concept, and her entire worldview got SHOOK.

Part of why Ravens are considered Spooky Bad Things We Associate With The Faeries is because they can and do mimic human speech - but much, much better than a parrot. With a parrot, you can tell something is off about the sound. You can tell it doesn’t belong to a human. Ravens don’t sound like that, no, cause they’re overacheivers. (And passerines). They sound EXACTLY like the voice of whoever they are mimicking.

But more importantly they love the sound of human laughter. No one knows why. But it is totally, 100% possible, and it happens to this day, to walk along the paths in the Black Forest and suddenly hear a strange kind of giggling sound, or maybe even a very clear, definitely human sounding “hello?” “Hiiiii!” Or “let’s go!”.

However, it takes a lot of practice for them to copy sounds as perfectly as they do, so you’re equally likely to hear something that definitely sounds human-like, but the words make no sense and the sound is unlike any language you know.

Ravens at the Tower of London do this all the time. Theyre pretty sociable with humans though, so they do it quite openly. I have seen videos of people, mostly Americans, look absolutely spooked out of their skins when a big ol’ raven (mind ye, these are birds that are 2 feet tall with a 5 foot wingspan) comes waltzing up on the deck and starts talking to them.

And ravens, especially the ones there that have been bred and raised by humans for centuries, don’t just imitate - they have one of the same language processing genes we do, and they understand the way a toddler might that things, places, and individuals have names, and can string together basic sentences much like an african grey.

I know because I used to work with one, Darlene, who knew, quite well, what she wanted and how to ask for it. If you were preparing her breakfast, she would hop on up and investigate. She used to be an illegal pet, and had been taught “manners”. That is to say, if she went for something and you told her, sternly, “mind your manners missy!” She would stop, look at you, perhaps for up to a minute, and then point with her beak to what she wanted. If that did not work, she would ask, in plain English, “grape?” Or “Darl have grape?” And lord help you if you gave her anything less than what she asked for. She would throw it at you, and try to bite you, sometimes while saying “No!” In the same tone as I imagine she was reprimanded in her home.

So yeah. Parrots arent the only ones.

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tv shows that don’t try even a little bit to make an actor look younger despite a flashback taking place like 20 years ago are so fucking funny. like suspend your disbelief or don’t idgaf.

To be fair... this is what Danny DeVito looked like 20 years ago:

Just so you know… There is no “the queen”. Why? 

There are so, so many queens.

They make up half of the human population.

We call them “women”. 

And I am a loyal knight fighting for all of them. I slaughtered a dragon for women today, actually. Here’s a picture

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Those aren't dragons, but they might be giants

I constantly try to explain Game Changer to my friends because I love it so much but truly how on earth do you describe this

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My favorite is the person bringing out the tray who clearly knows this is some kind of Italian hate crime

hello there CT. do you have a fursona

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My fursona is a leopard moth named Mattie.

His wings are one of those old nightgowns that femme fatales in old noir movies wear, and his proboscis is one of those long cigarettes. He's like 5'1'' and veryone hates him.

He talks with a transatlantic accent like an old movie star and calls everyone "DAHling" and everyone is like "shut the fuck up Mattie you're from like, Encino California."

He's suspiciously wealthy and lives alone in a huge house. People think he has old money or mob connections but he's actually just a software developer for a medical firm or something. He goes to work in the evening gown and heels and everyone fucking hates it.

He goes to the gym just to take selfies. He has a TikTok that's just him in his stupidly expensive kitchen microwaving frozen chicken nuggets from a bag and calling them "gamefowl wellington ensemble"

He mixes Capri Sun with everclear and drinks it out of champagne flutes. He tells people he's a top but he's objectively garbage at sex.

He's like 23. Nobody ever invites him to things he just kinda shows up.

"DAHling, you call these potato skins loaded? Lord this town is really going to the dogs. May I speak to the chef?"

"Ma'am, I mean Sir- this is a Taco Bell."

"Fine, I suppose it'll do." [He tips the cashier 300$, leaves, and immediately gets hit by a car.]

This just instantly made me laugh so I sketched it immediately.

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This guy could just show up in either Amber Skies or The Sandman, and I just wouldn’t question it at this point.