@paintedparade / paintedparade.tumblr.com
socksonamission I'm so glad it went well! I guess you might have to start volunteering the information you wanted people to ask for! :P
Ughhh you might be right lol. It is 1000% guaranteed that my coworkers are gonna get sick of me talking about “that time I flew to Serbia myself” after 3 weeks :P
socksonamission - I have no advice but good luck with whatever you end up doing! And congrats on your promotion!
Thanks man! I disclosed to my boss yesterday and it went really well! I sent him a document w/ a meme and some notes before our meeting lol which was a pretty solid approach. I was expecting he’d take it well, so it went about as i expected. At our actual meeting he was like “uhhh this is a first for me so I’m not totally sure how this is supposed to go” and I was like “lol I’ve been doing this for 10yrs and I still have no idea how to do this”. Plus my workplace is way huger than I’m used to (3k people in my building vs 15 like I’m used to) so my whole strategy’s gotta be different. I’m thinking I want to tell a few coworkers? Now I just gotta think about how. He offered to bring it up at a staff meeting and i was like “oh god no please”
When I told my boss, he didn’t ask me any questions - more than anything I imagine he didn’t want to cross over any lines/make me feel uncomfortable, cause there’s probably some danger of that when there’s power imbalances in a workplace. But it made me kinda sad? Like, I wanted to share more of myself with him? But then I remembered I’m super gay and definitely have a crush on him! SO that’s why I’m feeling that! Oyyy, why so complicated
This blog’s all about gay feelings now
Things at work have been going well - got promoted last week which has been a few months coming, so that feels pretty great
Still got a ton of feelings for my boss! I feel like he’s able to “”see me”” pretty much instantly which is a little terrifying! We’re very similar and have a lot in common so him reading my behaviors comes easily and is a little terrifying. And I can pretty much do the same with him. I wonder how he feels about it.
I’m still trying out this thing where I “tell people things about myself”. I was planning on telling my boss I’m trans ~a month ago, but with the ‘rona thing I held off ‘cause I wanted to do it in person, but now I’m thinking it’s inevitable it’ll be over a WebEx meeting. Not ideal, but should be fine. I just have no idea how to segue into the topic...it’s not really something that comes up everyday, and all this advice online is about “how to tell your boss you’re going to transition”, not “how to tell them you have transitioned”.
How do people tell other people things about themselves???
I’m really glad people like Cecil Baldwin and Jonathan Van Ness feel comfortable sharing their experiences and status as HIV positive. They’re role models for a lot of LGBTQ+ teens and young adults and their prominence and success actually does a lot to help lift the stigma of the disease. We no longer live in the 80′s. An HIV positive status is not a death sentence. Antiretroviral therapy has allowed patients living with HIV to deal with it as they would any other chronic illness. There is no widespread available cure yet, but the treatment is safe and effective (especially if you’re diagnosed in the early stages). The early, asymptomatic stage of the infection can take up to 15+ years in some people but it can be as low as 2 years in others. That’s why it’s so important to get tested often, regardless of your sexual orientation, and start ART as soon as you are aware of your diagnosis. The World Health Organization estimates that, in the year 2016, 1 million people died of HIV-related causes and a lot of that can be attributed to the fear to get tested as well as access and adherence to treatment.
lol I’m only on here when I haven’t seen my shrink in weeks and I’m having panic attacks about my Real Life
work is going really well, in that I love my job and my company and the position I’m in. Except, the lead developer in my group moved to a different group, and i’m the only one who’s stepped up to take on those responsibilities, so I’m somewhat in charge of people? Like, I have to plan out work for my group, assign tasks based on when we need to meet deadlines, etc?
Also.....I’m kinda starting to be in charge of peoples’ jobs? Obviously I don’t have the final say in that - and I don’t want to - but I’m starting to have some conversations about whether I see people making progress, if they’re understanding the work/contributing, etc. And I’m really lucky that 90% of my group is great, I only have issues with one coworker who really completely does not understand her role - but still. I’m gonna be having a Serious Talk with my boss on monday and I keep thinking to myself, “if she gets fired and it’s even partially based on my recommendation, how do I feel about that? Am I ok with it? How will the rest of the group view me?”
THat shit fucking weighs on me man. I don’t take that lightly, a person’s livelihood. But at the same time I feel like I’m at my wits end, and I don’t think she really understands the gravity of the situation or the true necessity for her to learn and improve herself. And how much do I really get to make recommendations to my boss, anyway? Is it my place to tell him straight up what i think should happen with this employee? Or do I just state my worries and concerns for the group?
Shit got real heavy all of a sudden man. It’s probably good I’m challenging myself like this, but I don’t envy this feeling.
also like every self proclaimed “logic rationality no emotion ever” dude i’ve ever met has been transparently seething with rage, and acted completely irrational because of this
some dude: i think Logically. i Don’t React Emotionally because somehow my nervous system is, actually, very different from yours (you wouldn’t understand). my tear ducts? They Dont Exist.
same dude, angry: **punches a wall** **screams**
Ever since the Presidential Election results came in, there’s been post after post of people spreading around the phone number for a supposed suicide hotline for trans people, called Trans Lifeline.
What people don’t know is that this “hotline” is a huge scam meant to fund the founders’ personal lives, and that the hotline barely answers their calls, if ever.
A twitter was made a while back to cover the small, almost nonexistent amount of operators on the line, but it is now inoperable because the founders found out and shut down the source of the twitter bot’s information, because how dare someone provide the truth.
The founder, who is also trans, frequently posts pictures of her weapons, and even showed up at someone’s house because she didn’t agree with what they had to say about her hotline and her “friends”, then proceeded to make vague physical threats at them on FB. As a mentally ill person myself, she seems unfit to be handling such a lifeline that barely answers their calls in the first place.
She also spends the organization’s money frivolously, going from one state to the next for who knows what.
And here’s a claim that 6,000 hours of volunteer work equals up to $197,000. This is incredibly inflated.
THEY ARE ALSO NOT ACCREDITED BY THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF SUICIDOLOGY AND REFUSE TO CALL MEDICAL PERSONNEL IN THE EVENT OF A SUICIDE IN PROGRESS. THIS MEANS THEY WILL NOT CALL 911 IF SOMEONE ON THE LINE IS FUCKING DYING.
They train people for two hours, only answer 19% of calls and when that 19% do get through, the policy does not follow the AAS crisis standard with regard to emergency personnel.
The 2016 budget is far more interesting given they are expecting $200,000 worth of grants.
The travel bill is also surprising for a non profit, I realise there is a need to engage potential donors but there comes a point where the figure is just ridiculous and it would appear that that point is about a third of that budgeted total.
I see the director of operations “in kind” contributions have been reduced from $80,000 to receiving an actual salary of $28,800 and she is bringing in a personal assistant for herself.
I have a friend who called them once, had her call dropped 4 times, only to get a really bored-sounding operator on the other end, then she was yelled at BY THE OPERATOR for using the term ‘dude’. SHE WAS SUICIDAL AT THE TIME. YOU DO NOT YELL AT SUICIDAL PEOPLE:
On a final note, they are perpetuating the lie that 8 trans people died on the night of the election results.
Trans people are among many people who are mourning today. We know that communities of color, muslims, immigrants, and many other groups are feeling the betrayal, sadness, and fear that comes with living in a country where a majority of people voted for a leader who hates you. It is personal. It is tragic. But it is not the end.
Trans Lifeline has received over 350 calls from trans people in crisis, including many suicidal people. Our trans-identified operators are working hard to offer support, guidance, and hope through this difficult time. We’ve answered a staggering 115 calls in 24 hours, demonstrating that we are here for each other. It may feel right now as though hate won out, but we know that love is more powerful.
Even though many in the trans community are giving everything they have to support each other, we have a long way to go to meet the need of trans people in crisis. We need to hire additional staff to train, support, and lead our volunteers. If we can raise 100K this month, then we can hire three full-time staff people to do this life-saving work. Please give now if you can.
If you are trans, we say to you — Keep fighting. We love you. If you are not trans, we say to you — Stand with us. We love you too, and we need you to show up for us. We need staunch allies, real confidants, supportive lovers, close friends, affirming faith leaders, and compassionate strangers. We need to support one another now more than ever. Remember, together we save lives!
Save your time (and your life) and call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
You can also call the Trevor Project at 1-866-488-7386, and their donation information is here.
Protect trans lives. Don’t fall for a scam that exploits potentially suicidal trans teenagers and young adults. Give to actual charities and hotlines.
UPDATE; 2/21/19
More documents are out, Greta and Nina embezzled ~$350,000 before they were terminated.
Ah yes hello! I am in fact, alive. I don’t think I’ve even checked my dashboard in months lol
THings are going really well! Work is pretty busy but super rewarding. [Background: I’m a software developer ] The lead developer in my group is starting to take on more outside work, and he/my bosses have started transitioning some of his old responsibilities onto me? Like, I’m taking more of a role in helping out my teammates on their projects, I’m sitting in on their meetings, etc. Nobody’s coming out and outright saying it, but I can see some really nice writing on the wall. Hopefully this means he’s up for a promotion soon and I’ll be sorta in line to take his place !!! This falls in line with what my other manager said to me a few months ago, so it’s super rad to see happening. It’s so nice after I’ve only been there ~7 months.
In other news I broke up with my boyfriend? I think I posted about that last time I was here though? Basically, he didn’t want kids and I knew I wanted them eventually so we broke it off. Kinda sucks, but for the best. Oh well. that was like 4 months ago now so i’m not really torn anymore
Outside work has been going well...I help run a bike co-op here, I’m volunteering there a few days a week. I’m trying to go bike camping over Labor Day weekend! That would be super fun! It’d be nice to just get away for a few days.
That’s it really. My life is 80% work, I guess that’s life when you’re 30 lol. I fucking love it though. My job’s the most exciting part of my life and I’m so happy I’m there. Can’t wait to see where that stuff takes me.
oh and can cis people stop announcing which of their friends are trans?
i have no fucking need to know who is or is not trans, all youve done is outed them and proved to me that i cant trust you. the first thing i find out about your friend shouldnt be that they trans. actually i should never find that out about your friend from you
sick and tired of cis people using my existence near them as a diversity token. stop telling me about your childhood friend whose trans. stop telling me their deadname. all that does is show me that you’ll tell the next stranger my deadname and how im trans and it makes me feel physically sick
cis people can reblog this as long as you dont demand i fucking coddle you and forgive you for outing trans people to strangers
I really hate this turn towards ‘identifies as’ and ‘uses [x terms]’ language. It’s a politically correct way to denigrate someone.
I’m not ‘someone who identifies as a man’. I’m don’t ‘use he/him’ pronouns. I am a man, I am a he. The minute you add the qualifier of “identifies as” or “uses” you’re telling the world you don’t think that’s true.
I’m not a five year old who thinks they’re a dinosaur or something. Don’t treat me like one.
“wow all these lesbians are so cute and nice and i can’t stop thinking about them! 🤔 …i guess i just think they’re neat!”
Got a msg from someone on fetlife who lost interest literally as soon as I said I no longer had my front hole
This is how 75% of my doublelist/fetlife exchanges have gone and it's pretty infuriating tbh
Lol I wear more women's clothes as a gay man than I ever did pre-transition
ime the cis gay world as a gay trans man is very very sexual, about people who look nothing like you, and thus alienating :(
yeah that’s how i’ve been feeling tbh
I never think about my dick anymore, but then that dude made that comment about my friend’s dick (”are you wearing underwear or does it just lay like that”) and i was like, shit, should I be thinking about my dick more? Are other ppl here thinking about my dick/checking me out??? it didn’t make me dysphoric at all but it’s still just so wild
lol WOW being around groups of cis gay men makes me super uncomfortable !!! I’ve never really been in them before so it’s super new to me and IDK how to navigate?
I joined a gay kickball league and 90% of the athletes are cis gay men and everything is very sexual? (ie. today one guy asked another guy “are you wearing underwear or does it just hang like that?”)
and it’s new to me ‘cause a) that’s not how I am at all with acquaintances, b) I’m not “typically hot” so that stuff usually isn’t directed my way, c) I keep thinking that if it ever is directed my way, I know they won’t know I’m trans, so I’m just thinking about how their tune will change when they find out, basically pre-alienating myself from the other person before the interaction even begins
and BOY it’s a lot of mental gymnastics/thoughts and feelings going on at once
idk man, Cis Gay World is its own culture that I still haven’t spent too much time in (even w/ my ex it was just like his 7-10 friends not the general public) so that’s gonna be interesting
shit fuck damn
lol it’s getting close to being spring which means I’m getting ready for my yearly mood up-swing. I was telling my shrink how my sex drive corresponds with the seasons (non-existent in the winter then pretty strong in spring/summer) and saying it out loud it seemed like maybe that’s not super normal? It’s more than just SAD in the winter, it’s a pretty high up-swing in the summer too? and whenever I google “seasonal mood swings” it just gives me stuff related to bipolar so that’s something to munch on
anyway I’m having Lasik surgery in a couple weeks !!! I get a pretty good discount with my vision insurance, and I had an initial appointment yesterday and they said I’d be a fine candidate for it. I’ve worn glasses for 20 years and I’m pretty psyched I’ll never need them again.
I got brunch with a dude recently but it ended up just feeling like a friendly thing more than a dating thing. Which is cool, w/e, I’m still kinda just glad I put myself out there and saw someone. I’ve been thinking more about what I liked about my ex and I liked that he was supportive re: trans activism? So I think I’m gonna try hanging out more at the trans org in town and making friends that way ??? so that’s surprisingly new to me
I basically don’t have my core friend group anymore but I’m still staying pretty busy and meeting people which is nice...I’m just going out of my way to make my way to different groups, rather than just stick to one
that’s it for new with me i guess. My life is kinda mostly work right now but that’s going pretty well and the other friend/relationship stuff is shaping up to be better soon so that’s p legit
