*finishes 3 hour long movie*

who am i

“omg i love Harry! his British accent is so cute!”

THAT RED THING IS CALLED HARRY?

can you not talk about prince harry like that? hey may be a redhead by he also has feelings

boys hands are VERY important to me

i imagine theyre pretty important to them too

heat helps with cramps. you can use a heat pad, but why stop there? rip your uterus out. set it on fire. there. much better. no more cramps

irl: obama tells kids that bees are good after one (1) bee flies near crowd

fox news: BEEROCK OBEEMA UNLEASHES BEE NUKES AT SCREAMING CHILDREN, NUCLEAR BEE ATTACK ENSUES

this isn’t even an exaggeration

One time during my freshmen year of college I forgot to do a history paper that was worth 20% of my grade and the teacher didn’t accept late work, so I waited until the professor handed back the papers and angrily asked where mine was. The teacher felt so bad for losing it he let me re-do the entire paper and gave me an A-

You fucking champ

kids: Daddy

future me: dont call me that

kids: why not dad?

future me: tumblr fucked that up for y’all

To all you experimenting drugs users out there

Please. Please. Please. Stay away from heroin and meth. Please.

Don’t say “I just wanna try it once, I can control myself.” Don’t say it.

Just please don’t ever do those two drugs. Please.

Please

THISSSSSS

also stay way from Molly and ecstasy. they are drugs found usually at raves and clubs and when taken cause the “happiness receptors” in your brain to be destroyed and can never be fixed meaning you will never feel happy again unless you take the drug again, which leads to dependence and overdose. these drugs also cause hyperthermia which causes your body to heat up at an alarming rate. seriously stay away from these.

We need more of these posts, educating us that not all drugs are harmful. We need more posts that give us information on safe environments for drug users, and what to do if something does go wrong. We need to be told how to safely do these drugs. Telling someone not to do drugs will just harm them more. I’d rather know how to do a certain drug safely than be oblivious and be severely harmed.

Who I want to be:

Who I actually am:

my sense of humor: getting birthday cards with the wildly incorrect age on it for people

U WNANA FUKCINGN GO?? ????? grab an icecream together or something because u are attractive

i am kind of sad ok

this cat’s name is Princess Monster Truck

thank you

*goes to make a personal post* actually you know what never mind better internalize this shit

when you find that perfect gif but don’t know how to use it

You can reverse the flow of the hotdogs if you concentrate hard enough

oh my god you can

*my own funeral* me: mom can i stay in the car lol

White couples that adopt non-white kids

ok sooo you want there to be a whole lot of non-white parentless children? /: Why do you care that their adoptive parents are white? At least they have parents now

text from ex: i miss u

me:

after releasing the song “sugar” adam levine had a 5 pound bag of sugar thrown on him unrelated to that I will be releasing my song “money” later this week

when i was younger i used to think ron stoppable was going to marry me so i hated on kim possible and i found this on my old laptop