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oh, c'mon, now—

@lvbytes / lvbytes.tumblr.com

My parents HATE overwatch because it takes up our entire wifi whenever my brother goes online and when I bought myself the new Zelda my mom was like “can I watch Netflix? or are you playing” and I was like no, no don’t worry it doesn’t take up internet. and she was so relieved and started walking towards the TV in her room and I was like “you want to watch it out here? I can switch to the handheld mode” and she was so impressed that she could watch Master Chef next to me while I played my game. Nintendo is truly the family system.

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superluminalflower

nintendo paid for this post

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pastarrie

blizzard payed for that reply

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slumbermancer

I paid for my lunch today (one of sandwich, meat ball sub)

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pastarrie

did it taste good?

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slumbermancer

it was very good. thank you for asking :) i hope you have a good lunch tomorrow 

me, every time I interact with a minor: hmmm… I am a father now.

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a-fools-lore

sup dad

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some-goblins-in-a-trench-coat

why, the sky, of course!

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a-fools-lore

nah dude its updog

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some-goblins-in-a-trench-coat

oh, you kids with your hip new words! what is updog?

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a-fools-lore

him

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some-goblins-in-a-trench-coat

I love him.

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a-fools-lore

honestly, never knew I could draw with a mouse as fast as I did for that

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some-goblins-in-a-trench-coat

wait you made that just now? that’s amazing! great job, sport! I’m so proud of you!

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a-fools-lore

:D

while we’re at it. gay men and lesbians have been calling each other faggots and dykes for decades longer than most people arguing about who’s allowed to say what have been born

how tf do y’all reblog those pics of people at the first pride marches holding up signs that say “fags love dykes!” and “muffdivers for cocksuckers!” and not realize that exchanging our terminology affectionately between one another, regardless of how “polite” it is, has like Always been a form of solidarity expressed between us ... how are you gonna discourse about that and not realize you are effectively severing the way we’ve always talked to each other. unless it’s used as an insult it’s literally a fucking nonissue and it always has been. my bi / lesbian friends call me a fag all the time. gay women aren’t our oppressors. they never were. wake UP

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“one hundred and fifty years ago people didn’t GET cancer”

no you’re right they just had intense pain and died one day leaving their family to wonder what happened

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people weren’t actually healthier in the past, they just died of what was killing them faster, long term chronic or terminal illnesses are not new

They’re only “new” in that we have the science/words to describe them, and we can keep people who have them alive long enough for it to matter. A hundred and fifty years ago people would just suffer and die quickly 🙃

Not to mention the fact that cancer-related deaths have been recorded as early as 2500 b.c. Turns out the Egyptians actually noticed when things were wrong with the internal organs during their extensive funerary practices. 

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The other thing you see is that as the average life expectancy starts to extend, cancer rates also started to go up; and as more and more lifesaving treatments are discovered, cancer rates also go up,  because people are for the first time living for long enough to die of cancer.

as my mother the doctor once put it, “everybody dies of something,  and the less they die of other things, the more likely it is to be cancer”

So more people die of cancer because they’re not dying of measles

So more people die

of cancer because they’re not

dying of measles

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

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All of the above.

Ok but also there are a lot more carcinogens in our environment than there were hundreds of years ago. Plastic has carcinogenic chemicals in it and it’s in everything. And there’s so much else — car exhaust, flame retardant in clothes, nonstick coatings on pans, etc.

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salsagurl

seriously it’s 2013 where is this??

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everyday-departure

2013 and we can’t even electronically synthesize big macs out of nothing. We’re basically living in a dystopia.

2022 and we cant even electronically synthesize big macs out of nothing. were basically living in a dystopia.

A few of these are probably referring to the date posting bug thing, but AAAAAAAAAAAH!

I beg of all the younger folks on Ao3 to understand two things:

  1. There is no algorithm on that site.
  2. Unlearn the attention-hungry bullshit that social media has taught you.

Do not repost the same work multiple times on AO3, or change the date/time to put you back at the top of the list, to boost your stats. Do not post new chapters of a chaptered work as individual stories. These things are extremely rude and people who are angry at you will not want to read your stories.

DO REBLOG everything on tumblr because that is the only way this site functions. On tumblr, YOU are choosing what your followers see. They see what you reblog. They don’t see what you like. There’s also no algorithm robot AI whatever seeing what you like and showing you related comment. NOTHING HAPPENS to likes that affects what content ANYONE on this website sees.

DO SHARE stories you like on AO3 with others, perhaps by sharing them with your Tumblr followers. AO3 has features specifically for this purpose. Fic recs are a wonderful way for fanfiction to get more attention, because, as we’ve discussed, there is no algorithm on AO3. AO3 is the opposite of TikTok.

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tubi is one of our greatest warriors in the fight against streaming services costing a fortune for mediocre content. tubi has the most insane collection of movies you will ever encounter all for free. it has cult classics and questionable lifetime movies and movies that nobody except like three people on the planet have ever seen. tubi has movies that doesn’t exist. like if you just thought of a movie one day but never made it and no one ever made it it would somehow still exist on tubi. one day i will log onto tubitv dot com and i will see terribly inappropriate, overly complex, and strange on there. and i won’t even be surprised.

tubi has hasodot (the secrets) which is an obscure israeli movie from 2007 about two queer religious girls studying religious stuff in a mystical city together and getting into kabbalistic rituals together (in a gay way)

life advice:

never say anything to a penguin that the penguin has not already said to you

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hypohelmet

this reads like a shitpost but i’m actually 100% serious. i was walking along the side of the harbour this evening, just after all the penguins had come in from the ocean to nest. there was one penguin right by the footpath, and when it saw me it kept saying ‘höö’. so i said ‘höö’ right back. it seemed to like that, and we had a lovely conversation where we just kept saying ‘höö’ to each other. i crouched down about two metres away from it, and we kept talking, and it actually moved towards me a little bit, seeming to prefer my company to the heartless embrace of the sea. but then i made the mistake of trying to change things up. i said ‘hweh’, which was something that a previous penguin said to me, and this penguin hated it, and fucked right off. never said another word to me. i felt so rude.

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drewdrawsstuff

I keep imagining this from the penguin’s point of view:

“Gustav, my friend, why so glum?”

The penguin in question looked up from his half-eaten sprat, shaking his head in disgust.

“Not glum, Sebastian. Affronted, outraged - I had the most perturbing encounter with one of the Beakless Ones.”

Sebastian nodded solemnly. “Yes, they are often perturbing. What happened, my friend?”

Gustav sighed heavily, looking up to the sky and holding his flippers wide, as if to ask the gods “why?”, before mournfully retelling his experience, “I was on the beach where the Beakless sometimes wander, contemplating names for this year’s chicks, when one of them approached. It seemed harmless enough to greet - they’re cute, in a strange, bald and flat-faced way, are they not?”

“Oh Gustav, you kind-hearted fool.”

“Such a fool, I am!” Gustav’s moans had gathered a small crowd already - the only thing penguins love more than a bellyful of fish, is a story. A good storyteller was always guaranteed a warm spot to huddle in the winter, surrounded by bored friends longing for entertainment.

“What did it do, Gustav? Did it kick you?”

“No! When it got close, I called out to it, ‘hello, friend!’. It stopped and returned the greeting - awkwardly, but it was rather sweet, like a chick learning it’s first chirps. ‘Hollow fren,’ it said back to me. I was charmed, but not wanting it to learn poor pronunciation, I repeated the greeting, and so did it! Getting clearer each time, till it could almost pass for a true penguin itself.”

“Gustav is a wonderful teacher,” Adelina, his mate, stated with a proud nod of her lovely blue head. “You remember how well our chicks could enunciate, before they even caught their first fish.”

“But what of it, Gustav? What happened to sour this experience so?”

“We went back and forth, till I was satisfied. It lowered itself near the ground, and I moved closer, carefully, not wanting to alarm it. I was just about to tell it how pleased I was, that it learning so quickly, when all of a sudden, it looked me right in the eye and said ‘Fuck off, freak.’”

There were avian gasps all around.

“Oh no!”

“How rude!”

“I was so appalled, I could not bring myself to even chide it.” Gustav bowed his head in shame. “I turned and left without another word.”

“It said that to you? Oh dear.” Sebastian tilted his head in a piercing glare towards one of their fellows, focusing on the only one who was slapping his sides and chortling. “Björn, you scoundrel! What have I told you about yelling obscenities at the Beakless?”

Björn cackled and bobbed his head in defiance. “How was its enunciation, Gustav? You soft-hearted buffoon!”

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hypohelmet

now that’s a fine addition to my post

it sucks cuz my fave ben & jerry ice cream has a pic of jimmy fallon on it. the tonight’s dough. it’s so good though. but i hate having him in my house. i hate seeing his little cuck face in the store. i legit turn the container around when i store it in the freezer to minimize face to face time. whenever i’m gonna buy some i tell my sister “i’m going to get the little cuck cream at the store” and she knows what i mean

i abs0lut3ly h4t3 th3 w4y y0u phr4as3d “little cuck cream”

i are what i eat

you have made this post infinitely worse. blocked.

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fuck dude you stunned them into regular speak instead of homestuck roleplay

It’s insane how many organs will just Make Rocks if left up to their own devices. Kidneys. Gall bladder. Pancreas. Tonsils, what’s that about???

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gay dudes should say the d slur more often and gay girls should say the f slur. peace and love on planet earth

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This is so real

[transcript : #you can be a dyke and a faggot at the same time depending on where ur standing in the gay bar]