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The Would Be Fortunate Son

@levoleurcinetique-blog / levoleurcinetique-blog.tumblr.com

A young man feeling older than his years.
A good man swimming in bad luck.
A man who cares too much, but is always forced (or expected) to act as if he doesn’t care enough.
[Independent 616/MCU Gambit.
Semi hiatus until May 17th, 2015.]

this is how you deal with ghosts

you talk to them like you talk to nervous dogs and panicky children, you talk real soft and sweet and wry and low you make fun of them but in a super loving confident reassuring way like when you’re walking home at night and it’s dark and you feel something weighing down on you like it wants to tear strips out of your back if only you’d just turn around and hey buddy you say all unimpressed and kindly hey now this is me over here and i’m not bothering nobody you better get on home and you’ll feel it sometimes you’ll feel it skitter like a horse’s skin with a rope laid across it and if that doesn’t work you get your keys out or you take your rings off you get something metal that clings and clanks against something else that’s metal and that’s all the sound you need really you just need the sound of metal ringing out to make it all right

and that works for if you’re heading down to your building’s laundry room and the stairwell’s dark and unfriendly and there’s somebody in there who shouldn’t be in there and you can feel it sneering at you from under the stairs then you just turn your keys over in your hands and whistle if you can don’t hum humming’s not going to work you need something sharp and if it follows you back to your door you think real hard about how this is YOUR home and YOUR doorstep and not anybody else’s thank you very much and instead of letting the door swing shut behind you you turn and you shut it and you lock it and you feel nothing but annoyance and indignation nothing but sharp feelings sharp as the sound of metal touching metal sharp as a whistle sharp as the line between over here and over there that’ll cut you in half if you try and cross it

but maybe it’s not unfriendly and maybe you’re somewhere else not your own space not your home not anywhere you’ve got any claim to and it’s not trespassing it’s not doing anything and you allow yourself to feel friendly you allow the warm dog soothing feelings come back, they’re not people, they don’t know better to come in from the cold, the only warmth they’re gonna get is the warmth you bring with you and you’ve got firewood inside you, you’ve got warm hands and a warm voice and you don’t need to rattle your keys or your bracelet you just gotta think about warm horse fur and carroty soup and all those good things and say hey soft and sweet while you go on your way nobody’s doing nothing here and it doesn’t cost you anything to let something lost and dead and lonely warm up for a while.

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She nodded, her throat closed up, chest tightening. Hearing someone else say it twisted her stomach into knots, and sitting on the bed was a relief. Her breath was ragged, and she struggled to catch it, hands smoothing over jean clad thighs. Eyes focusing on the area rug until she was capable of catching her breath. 

She jerked her head towards him when he started listing options, blue eyes wide in shocked disbelief. Ororo was aware that she had options, but when it came down to it, there was only one she could see. Abortion was out of the question, and adoptions seemed unreasonable. This baby would undoubtedly be a mutant, and while the school probably isn’t the safest in the world, it was the safest place to be. 

“I am keeping the baby,” she said before dropping her head in her hands. Bright Lady, help her. While Ororo had always wanted children, the reality of it had always been out of reach. There’s a groan that escapes her, and Ororo clenched her eyes shut. “I’m going to have to leave the team.” Worrying about that was easier than worrying about anything else right now. 

“All right.”

He stated calmly, with a touch of cheer. It was never his place to tell her what to do with her life and Lord knew he would certainly be happy to have another niece in his life, one he was actually close to and could see every day. Hell, maybe more than a niece. The title of godfather stirred in his mind and settled in to nest, though he of course would let that be Ororo’s eventual decision. 

“You’ll have everyone behind you here if you do. No question. You know dat, right?”

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Some things need to be repeated in order for them to sink in, Lord knows. At her distress at quitting the team, Remy shook his head. “Non. You wouldn’t. I’ve been takin’ less of an active role lately, anyway. Stuff I’m workin’ on is headed in a different, more civilian direction. We don’t lose anything if I quit an’ of course, you’d have me on call. You’re too valuable t’dis team, dis school. We’ll figure somethin’ out so you don’t have t’give up your position completely. You’re needed too much.”

.:neck deep:.

fingers attempt to grip at the sides of the phone as she hears his voice on the other end of the receiver. eyes squeeze shut against the vice like grip the darkness is claiming around her skull and its contents. words. speak them and quickly. concise thoughts. but concise is impossible. a low growl rumbles from her chest as she staggers forward, falling to her knees as the red rises. fuck, fuck, fuck.

    ‘  Remy—need help. Eme–

she swallows the bit of blood that remained in her mouth. it’s twisting her as she speaks.

    ‘ –emergency. 

she can feel herself collapsing, lowering herself closer to the ground and huddling in on herself. even her muscles are betraying her at this point, the phone rests in the grass next  to her ear.

    ‘ bring restraints.

it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what she was trying to say. remy hops out of bed, selina close behind him, and hurriedly tugs a pair of jeans out of a drawer. shirt draped over her shoulder, she helps him ease them on. a bit of relief lightens the weight on his chest as they’re done up and he shrugs a shoulder into a sleeve held out for him. he’d never realized how much easier this would be with someone helping him dress.

‘coordinates, jubilee.’

he intones firmly, red and black eyes glittering in the darkness as he stares at the wall, waiting to memorize it. carefully cradling the phone against his ear, he buttons his shirt before slipping into the leather jacket selina hands him. while he laces up sneakers, she lays his staff and a deck of cards on the bed, along with a small metal briefcase. he mouths a thank you at her in the dark before the numbers are choked out through the line. 

‘got it. hang in there, sweetheart. be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.’

hanging up, the phone’s shoved haphazardly in his pocket. the kiss he and selina share is brief but heated and she urges him out the door even as he promises to text her updates. black jetta roaring to life, remy screeches out of the lot of his apartment building and drives in the direction of where she’s at as if his life depends on it.

and it does. there’s quite a few lives here hanging in the balance. here’s hoping he’ll get there in time to tip the scale.

-||Stay Down||-

Jubilee knows monsters. she knows that time can turn men into the beasts they try to fight. she also knows sometimes you need monsters to stop bigger monsters. SHIELD had become the monster at the end of the game and she needed to gather others who knew monsters. who could stop monsters. his physiology spoke louder than his words.

yeah, a vacation.’

there is a coldness in those eyes, red fading to too bright blues. but they are still cold. unforgiving. the look isn’t meant for him. very few had ever had the privilege of seeing her like this., and while she would have been content to keep it that way, she knows she can’t.

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‘sounds good. shogo’s safety is my top priority. once he’s safe i can  focus on the mission. the forgiven have been notified too, if i have to  get him out entirely.’ it was time for wondra to make her silent return; wiser than the last time,  and full of far more anger. ‘mockingbird. we were the ones who infiltrated the first base. i’m working on  getting scott and some of his crew in too. we all have a stake in this. selina  might actually be some help, if she’s willing.’

‘could be anywhere in de world, y’know.’

he offers, this momentary levity a much needed balm. the sight of her anger doesn’t worry him. what lies ahead for them both, however, is another matter entirely.

‘paris. london. rome. tokyo. monaco. wherever your heart desires. you know i don’t--an’ never have--worried at all about sparin’ any expense in spoilin’ you.’

he has contacts in every city he’s named and a few more to boot and surely that won’t escape her notice. if they’re going to dismantle the system, they’re going to do it right. mentally he’s already writing a script for the call he’s going to make to his former apprentice and head of the nyc guild tonight. any information at this point would be an asset, though he doesn’t doubt her sources. 

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‘whatever it takes. but you knew that already.’

listening, he nods, an affirmative grunt slipping out here and there as she informs him of who’s in and who’s out. if scott’s presence elicits any kind of emotion, it doesn’t register.

‘all hands on deck. sounds like we’ve got a good base t’work from. an’ i’d very much be surprised if selina said no. i don’t doubt she’ll champ at de bit as soon as i tell her. i’ll work on procurin’ us a safe base fo’ now. shouldn’t be too hard since i’ve got a dozen apartment buildings in dis city alone. you tell me who’s in, i’ll text ‘em an’ let ‘em know where we at. sound good?'

Coping with Depression:

This InfoPax is designed to provide you with some information about depression and suggested strategies for how you can manage your mood.  It is organised into modules that are designed to be worked through in sequence.  Although it is not necessary that you complete one module before going on to the next, this is recommended. Each module includes information, worksheets, and suggested exercises or activities.

Modules:

  • Module 1: Overview of Depression This module looks at the symptoms of depression, what causes depression, and provides information about psychotherapy for depression. PDF document: 214kb.
  • Module 2: Behavioural Strategies for Managing Depression This module describes how to increase activity levels, particularly fun activities. PDF document: 261 kb
  • Module 3: The Thinking-Feeling Connection This module describes automatic thoughts and explores how thoughts influence feelings. PDF document: 191kb.
  • Module 4: The ABC Analysis This module explores how you can use a thought diary to monitor the unhelpful thoughts that can lead to how you feel about a particular situation. PDF document: 211kb.
  • Module 5: Unhelpful Thinking Styles This module describes a number of common unhelpful thinking styles that can lead to negative emotions. PDF document: 271kb.
  • Module 6: Detective Work and Disputation Module 6 explores how you can examine and challenge unhelpful thoughts by expanding the thought diary described in Module 4. PDF document: 239kb.
  • Module 7: The End Result This module describes how you can summarise how you have challenged unhelpful thoughts by producing a balanced thought. PDF document: 303kb.
  • Module 8: Core Beliefs Core beliefs are often at the root of unhelpful thoughts that are particularly difficult to change. This module looks at core beliefs and how to change them. PDF document: 217kb.
  • Module 9: Self Management This final module describes how to maintain gains and continue the progress that has been made throughout the previous modules. PDF document: 216kb.