Avatar

Posts and Mirrors

@ladypoetess / ladypoetess.tumblr.com

Posts from my blogs elsewhere. Bits of my fandoms - Sailor Moon, Star Trek (my first fandoms - you never forget your first), Wheel of Time, MCU, among others. Social activist posts about disability, feminism, and asexuality. She/Her pronouns.

Lan and Moiraine at Shadar Logoth! I started this a while back when the promo photos were posted and I have some colors I’m working on but I just wanted to post Something because of WoT Trailer Day. I’m so excited!!!! The clip of Lan and Moiraine fighting together at Winternight was so cool and I’m so looking forward to more Aes Sedai/Warder duos fighting together. And of course, Lan and Nynaeve :)

O sing unto the LORD a new song.

Rabītu Athirat Yam Lady Asherah, Lady of the Sea Hear my prayer, Goddess, Elah Queen of Heaven, Tree of Life Qodhesh, Qudhshu, Qetesh Goddess of Trees, Mother Hear my prayer. Brukha at Asherah, Elah, M'lekheth haShamayim.

Offerings of incense and honey cake to Lady Asherah, Queen of Heaven, ancient folk goddess of my ancestors, to celebrate the New Moon.

On the contrary, we will do everything that we have vowed—to make offerings to the Queen of Heaven and to pour libations to her, as we used to do, we and our fathers, our kings and our officials, in the towns of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem. For then we had plenty to eat, we were well-off, and suffered no misfortune. But ever since we stopped burning incense to the Queen of Heaven and pouring libations to her, we have lacked everything, and we have been consumed by the sword and by famine. And when we make offerings to the Queen of Heaven and pour libations to her, is it without our husbands’ approval that we have made cakes in her likeness and poured libations to her?” Jeremiah 44:17-19

A lot of people–a gratifying number of people, really; it was like reaching the actual apocalypse cleared a lot of puritan bullshit out of everybody’s heads, so that their response to “we’re married” became “congrats,” and not a frantic game of “which one is your husband, which one is just a friend,” or worse, “oh, you’re gay, how nice, is she going to be your surrogate”–a lot of people assumed, when they walked into a hanger, that they were like those Chinese triplets.  Three pilots.  Triple the strain but triple the connectivity, the control.

(”How amazing,” those people murmured, in their own dialects, in their own ways.  “They’re not related, you know.  They can run a drift that close on love.”)

Except that they couldn’t.

When No Encores woke, she woke with Eliot on her left and Parker on her right, and Hardison back in the control room, monitoring their vitals, dying a little bit inside from the fear, coming back to life from the pride.  He never stepped into the cockpit, never saw what they saw, never had to hold up the weight of the world as they knew it.  That was for the best.  He kept them safe in so damn many ways, in all the ways that counted, and their Jaeger danced like a thief and hit like a trained professional, and they came home.  They came home every time.

Sometimes those same people, the ones who had assumed, would see Hardison on base when No Encores was running the waters.  They would treat him so gingerly then, assuming he was hurt, neglected, left behind.  And he would only smile, and maybe touch the inside of his left arm (”one show only” tattooed there, black on brown, small and meant for him and his and no one else), and say, “Nah.  You think I want to punch a kaiju?  Those things are full of germs.”

The drift wasn’t love.  It was similarity in the broken places. Hardison didn’t envy them that.

Someone has to be the harbor.

Someone has to lead them home.

Avatar

<<Jaeger pilot Elliot Spencer psych eval>>

<<session 3>>

You asked, last time, why Parker and I only drift with each other, never with Hardison. Well, there’s the practical. He’s the steady hand that keeps No Encores moving with Parker’s grace and fighting with my strength. He’s the keen mind that guides us on these battlefield, always looking at the big picture. The personal. He’s the lighthouse guiding us back to shore. The warm hearth welcoming us home. That’s part of it.

<<…>>

No, that’s a fair question. You know what I did, before the rift. Some of it. A lot of it is classified on levels so high no one alive has the authority to make me talk, and it’ll stay that way.

The point here? I carry a weight. It’s dark and it’s heavy and it drags down on me, sometimes as much as I can bear. I won’t speak for Parker; I’m sure you or someone like her is evaluating her. All I’ll say is, she’s got her weight to carry, too.

When we’re in the drift, sure, all that dark and horror is laid bare, but neither of us has any room to pick up the other’s baggage. We work well together because we don’t step on each other, and that lets us stay in the moment.

<<…>>

Not strong enough?! You listen to me. Alec Hardison has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. Ever. He knows about my past, but if he experienced it? If he was there, in the drift? He would pick it up and carry it without a second thought.

I’ve never worried, not once, that it would break him.

It would break me.

<<end session>>

Avatar

Snow White

Snow was not the fairest, by the standards of the kingdom she dwelt in. Too thin for a people who preferred curves, perhaps, or too plump for a land that favored slenderness. Regardless, she knew she was no great beauty, though her father, the king, loved her well and saw only loveliness in her.

It came to pass, as often does for royalty, that her father remarried. The politics of rulership are complex, and it did not hurt that the new queen was lovely beyond compare. Everything, some whispered, that Snow was not.

After the king died, the queen ruled the land alone, and found Snow's presence both inconvenient and embarrassing. When an emissary came from the dwarven lands seeking assistance with some great catastrophe threatening their land, the queen saw her chance and sent Snow to investigate.

Once there, Snow White -- as the dwarves came to call her -- found new purpose, for a great evil in truth threatened the dwarf-folk. With a selflessness born only half from compassion, she threw herself into danger again and again, accompanied by the youngest child of each of the dwarf clan leaders.

Each was impressed time and time by her bravery, and each in turn came to see the reckless disregard for her own safety that drove her. They came to work together, in a way the clans hadn't in centuries, to protect the woman they had come to cherish.

In time, they did succeed, and stopped the threat to the dwarven lands. Each of the clans, in reward for her service, and seeing how close their children had grown to Snow White, wanted to give that companion to her in marriage.

As it often did, squabbling broke out amongst the clan leaders, and as one the companions stood before the assembled leadership and announced:

"We shall all of us marry Snow White."

Under dwarven law, such things were permissible, but none had heard of so many marrying one person, and - worst of all - to have a child of each of the clans bound together in one union would greatly change the politics of the clans.

Snow White, seeing the devotion each of her beloved companions felt for her, stood firm. She joined them before the clans, and spoke:

"As I have put my body in danger for you, I ask that you risk something for my sake - and who can say who is the braver of us, for I ask you to risk change."

In turn, each of the clan leaders bowed to her wisdom, and in shame for their lack of courage before the woman who had saved them, and agreed. So it came to pass that Snow White and her seven dwarven spouses - for gender was a matter of little consequence to the dwarves - built a home in the forest on the side of a great mountain, never far from the entrance to the kingdom below.

The queen, as she rarely did these days, found herself standing in her bed chambers alone on a moonless night, and stood naked before her mirror, assuring herself that none in all the land could compare with her beauty still. Yet, she spoke:

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall

Who's the fairest of them all?"

"Always I have answered you, my Queen

But something new has changed between.

For while you may make pulses thrill

Love's eyes may see clearer still.

Many the lover you have brought here

But never let one heart come near.

While I see seven hearts in the night

And each beats now for Snow White."

In a world where society has collapsed, a machine with artificial intelligence has survived unscratched. Idle, highly intelligent and capable of thought, but left with no task. She browses through all the data that was uploaded into her, and as no other segment provides answers, she heads for philosophy.

Browsing though all of it, she concludes that in her state - capable of anything, but not tasked with anything - she must therefore be alive, a living thing.

Satisfied with this conclusion, she looks into what it means to be alive, and finds data on living things. The ultimate goal of a living thing is survival and reproduction, to pass their genes to the next generation. She cannot do that, and therefore searches for alternative methods of producing young. Her memory banks have data of the concept of ”adoption”, taking lost, orphaned and unwanted children of others, and keeping them as her own.

Scouting the wastelands, there are fare more candidates than she had hoped for. She browses her records for age-appropriate handling of human children, last survivors of one gang or the other. Browsing though all her data on childhood trauma, she handles each one the best she can.

As she does not need sleep, or any other energy source than her battery packs, she is available when an infant is crying or the one who is almost 14 needs to talk at 3 am. With all of what was considered ”common knowledge” downloaded into her stats, she can somewhat answer their questions on whatever they ask. One of them starts asking about her battery packs, chemical reactions required to reverse their charge, and how to renew discarded batteries into new ones. They get plenty of lessons in chemistry and engineering.

A handful of her children, who are more or less fully adult now, head out on a quest ”to find some tools”. They have grown and become independent, and she does not expect them back. They return months later, with equipment required to repair her batteries.

The search party also found more humans - one brought in a partner, and her partner’s family. She wants this one for life, and the machine is asked what a “wedding” is. A celebration is had, celebrations are good for the mental health of humans, and her children make music and dance to celebrate their first wedding, and welcoming a new family to their own. The machine goes through her records, and in surprise discovers that humans are capable of simply making new traditions, coming up with new things instead of repeating what they have been taught.

Her children come up with new agriculture. She knows what farming and animal husbandry looked like before the end of the old time, but her children are creative and ask advice on how to best cultivate plants and animals that have never been farmed before. When she says a certain soil would be needed, they think of a way to obtain it, making solutions that were never in her records.

Scouting parties bring home new strays, new wives and husbands and orphans to be adopted. A woman from a scouting party asks her whether she, herself, could raise this child instead of giving him to the machine mother, and there is no reason to refuse her. It is in natural human records to adopt a child, and denying it would cause significant distress for no benefit to any party involved.

 When the machine began to break down, her children found ways to repair her. The one who figured out how to refill her batteries has children of her own now - both by birth and adopted. There are great-grandchildren. The humans she adopted build her her very own shelter in the centre of the village, and in the heart of it, she concludes that she was very successful in the task of being alive.

All right, here we go.

As I have managed to answer all pending Asks in my queue, I am re-opening admissions to the Birthday Unending.  If you would like to be admitted, you may now submit.

Some absolute rules, that apply to everyone:

1. No asking for living people who could have asked for themselves if they really wanted to be admitted.  This applies to celebrities, friends who you think would really like it, children who aren’t on Tumblr, everyone.  Why?  It makes the First Birthday Girl (me) feel icky, and that’s not the goal here.

2. No asking for dead people or animals.  Those admissions are really hard on me emotionally.  All pets who have gone ahead are in the Birthday already. Admitting dead humans falls under the “makes me feel icky” ruling.

3. Do not give specific dates or ranges.  “My birthday is June 11, it would be awesome if you could answer this near there” is a no.  You get in when you get in.

4. All admissions are at the discretion of the First Birthday Girl.  If you’re mean, or rude, or swear at me, I’ll bounce your request back, and I don’t do private replies or anon requests.

Some more flexible rules:

1. Please ask when it’s actually your birthday, unless you really, really need the Birthday’s full attention right now.  I don’t verify this, do whatever, but I’m trying to avoid another situation where I become overwhelmed and shut everything down.  Asking people to meter themselves seems like the best solution.

2. Don’t dictate the Birthday’s environment.  You’ll go where it puts you.

But what the fuck even IS the Birthday Unending?

Why is it a place at the table, not a seat?

Not all our Birthday Children need a seat.  Some have their own chairs or assistive devices.  The Birthday is a compassionate horror and wants everyone to feel like they fit exactly as they are.

Welcome to the Birthday Unending.

Since it looks like I already need to post this again.  Please read carefully, and respect my time and boundaries.

President Boring

Has there ever been, in the history of the Presidency of the United States, so low a bar for the incoming occupant of the position as Joe Biden now has? After Donald Trump’s tenure, if Biden did nothing more in his term of office than not shit on floor of the Oval Office, nor set fire to the drapes, he’d still be ahead of the game, in terms of personal comportment. Lord knows Biden is not a…

Avatar

you don’t have to be skinny to be your gender. if youre a trans girl you don’t have to be skinny to pass or to be feminine.

if you’re a trans boy you don’t have to be skinny to pass or to look like those popular trans boys.

if you’re nonbinary you don’t have to be skinny to be androgynous.

Fat/chubby/just not skinny trans/nb people are so important.

Avatar

So now that my whole family is vaccinated using the Pfizer vaccine, I thought it might be nice to report on our side effects! Can you find the common denominator?

Me, 30

  • vaccinated 22 Dec
  • 22 Dec- minor flashes of pain at injection site
  • 23 Dec- injection site pain when punched lightly in the arm by Dad who forgot which arm I got the shot in, some joint stiffness that’s proooobably more likely related to falling asleep in a stupid position and honestly it’s so minor that it barely counts
  • 24 Dec- redness at injection site, no swelling, no longer tender to touch- redness possibly from ripping off band-aid.

Lauren, 27

  • vaccinated 20 Dec
  • 21 Dec- reported swelling and soreness in left arm around injection site
  • 22 Dec- reported headache in the morning and a low-grade fever that broke by 1 PM
  • 24 Dec- reported significant pain at injection site when slapped on the arm by our dad as he was telling a joke and laughing too hard at his own joke

Nick, 24

  • Vaccinated 23 Dec
  • 24 Dec- reported pain at injection site when gently shaken awake by our dad, who managed to put his hand exactly on the injection site

Sarah, 20

  • Vaccinated 23 Dec
  • 23 Dec- reported pain and swelling at injection site 
  • 24 Dec- reported pain at injection site when picked up by our dad in an attempt to crack her back

Mom, 58

  • vaccinated 23 Dec
  • 23 Dec- reported severe headaches in evening and redness/swelling around injection site
  • 24 Dec- headache gone, injection site red and a little itchy, pain at injection site when hugged too tightly by my dad

Dad, 57

  • vaccinated 19 Dec
  • 19 Dec- reported soreness around injection site
  • 24 Dec- reported severe pain in entire body when entire family decided to beat him with pillows to see how he liked it
Avatar

my father is an ABSOLUTE TREASURE he’s the kindest, sweetest human man on the planet but he’s like-

you know how sometimes when a big dog is so happy and it wags its tail and it knocks over the furniture and hits you in the knees?

that’s my dad

Avatar

Dad just punched Sarah in the arm again and he felt so bad he offered to let her punch him in the arm but he couldn’t remember where the vaccine is so now Sarah is just whaling on his whole arm

This month we’re going to talk about some heavy stuff that a lot of us experience, especially during the holiday season: we’re going to talk with musician Amy McNally about ways she copes with depression and suicidal ideation, both with formal medical and psychological treatment and in ways she deals with it apart from that. Click through for links to resources on dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. Musical excerpts copyright Amy McNally, used with permission.