Everyone pick up your government-assigned fursona, grab your two colors then combine it with this random animal picker. Tell us what you get and no rerolls, I don't make the rules.

i love how defensive the last part is, the greenland shark wrote that

that muscle man blog is th only allowed gimmick blog on this site

You know who else is th only allowed gimmick blog on this site?

SAY THE LINE, MUSCLE MAN!

[IDs in alt text for both images in this one]

Moe’s Funk Dancing for Self(ish High Heels) Defense

This shit is almost at 600k

About the unfortunate footage of jerma choosing to twerk in his most recent stream. That's the worst I've seen literally anyone do it, ever. It's impressively bad. And now he has to live with that footage being out there, for the rest of his life.

L + ratio + no recruits + keep malding

shopping in an unfamiliar grocery store instead of your usual is literally a survival horror

trent fazbear (trent reznor if he was fnaf) “i want to stuff you in an animal. i want to be the purple in guy <- how closer would sound. By Trent Fazbear God we are fucking running out of posts to make

2014 Tumblr wasn’t about whatever Tik Tok thinks it was about. 2014 Tumblr was about overanalyzing Captain America: The Winter Soldier and that one website that let you play Cards Against Humanity online

And it slapped

TIL the first known case of “dying from laughing” involved the greek man called Chrysippus, who, after giving figs to his donkey, cried out “Now give the donkey a drink of pure wine to wash down the figs”, had a fit of laughter afterwards and died.

via reddit.com

pretty funny i guess

had to be there

Translation is always tricky, but I remember this slightly different:

Figs were an imported delicacy at the time, and the donkey just managed to eat them (without being given any on purpose). Seeing a donkey eating several times their own value in figs, the philosopher looked to his servant who might have been standing there either in shock, despair, or both, and said something along the lines of “Oh don’t just stand there. Get him some (undiluted) wine to wash the figs down with”. With (undiluted) wine also being an expensive drink.

I feel like that context makes it funnier. Basically like standing in front of your burning mansion with a butler, meeting their eyes, and telling them that you still feel a little chilly and ask them if they could put on an extra log or two.

idk what’s funnier, the burning house situation, or being the butler as you watch your master laugh so hard at his own joke that he fully fucking dies.

"Are you more of a family or career oriented person?" Babygirl im a bed oriented person. Snork mimimi

here is a video. look in the comments for something special

in case anyone's gonna ask YES you can reblog this do not say anything directly mentioning the situation or the person mentioned or this post will get taken down i think

mmm this rotisserie chicken is so good (cursed eye glows red) (i don't notice because im in first person)

wow that's fucked up, thank god I'm safe on tumblr dot com where nobody thinks like this haha

so glad tumblr doesn’t have a function to mute mutuals like twitter does. read my posts boy