A Crow with A Knife

Sometimes I can still hear their voice

Breaking: TikTok is better bc it’s more hostile towards humanity

The lack of video content is what kept us here... I thought we all agree that the best feature of this hellhole was and always will be anonymity.

Tumblr's not asking for my phone number. It's not going through my contacts to try and connect me with my fucking colleagues. I can come here and talk about whatever I want without anyone ever seeing my face or hearing my voice. I don't have to censor myself and hide my interests or enthusiasm out of fear of consequences it might have in my real life.

I think the biggest misunderstanding they have of Tumblr is that they think of it as a social media platform when in actuality it's a blogging platform with social features.

all i hear from that last paragraph is “id rather be spied on by an app and let it gather my personal information to be sold to the highest bidder who wants it to manipulate me into giving them money, than go through the “labor-intensive” process of clicking on a blog and deciding for myself if I liked it”

i don’t care if you hate tumblr but the total desensitization to having your privacy violated and the belief that making decisions for yourself about what content you want to see is too hard and so much work that you’d rather let an app — that was developed by people you don’t know and who you have no reason to trust — study you and everything you do so that it can make those choices for you about what you enjoy ….

like holy shit I wanna laugh but im actually just very concerned.

“lack of tumblr personalities” who’s gonna tell them about the cyber smith

why are you slandering me

me irl

The spongebob Nosferatu scene except the one flickering the lights is a gouger

Why stage magicians?? I admit I'm not super into atheism but that seems like an oddly specific mention.

These are my grandparents. Last week my dad was telling me about how his dad used to pull him out of school for the last ten days of the school year because that's when he needed people to work at his streetside circus tent stage show.

I was raised by godless carnies, who were raised by other godless carnies. Part of the reason that I'm doing throat training is so that I can also do sword swallowing and be part of the proud family tradition of being both godless and a carnie.

But also there is a well-documented overlap between stage magicians and atheism/skepticism.

The Amazing Randi was a magician and a rather well-known skeptic who went on TV and debunked stuff like spoon bending and psychics; he also brokered the sale of my grandfather's guillotine to Alice Cooper. Penn & Teller chose to produce Bullshit because the goal was to make skepticism popular while including magic; that show left a lot to be desired on some subjects, but is also a good example of the overlap between magicians and skepticism of the supernatural.

Oh also Houdini, duh. Forgot the master.

TFW you're a punkedit of your own grandma.

Houdini was an atheist, but he was also Jewish, which really underlines the main point here about how atheism works differently in non-Xian situations. There's no conflict between Judaism and atheism, and Houdini being an atheist while also saying Kaddish daily for a year after his mother's death is a great example of the main point of the post.

"James Randi brokered the sale of my grandfather's guillotine to Alice Cooper" is just one of those marvelous sentences that makes the day better.

Well, I'm not sure it was his first guillotine trick. He had a lot.

Grandpa also made the chair that Ozzy Osbourne used to appear magically on stage during the Diary of a Madman tour, which you can kind of see from 2:14 to 2:18 of this video (notice the classic use of pyro right before the illusion happens).

And which is in the cover art for Speak of the Devil:

Before he modified it for Ozzy he had originally made it for the Ice Capades.

Also if you think that's weird I have a story about a coffee shop I think you're going to like.

Light Yagami 🤝 Walter White

Having people talk about your "slow descent into corruption" as if that motherfucker didn't see a slippery slope and grab a sled

good news! your stomach is super dumb! it can’t tell who chewed your food, and if you shove three cups of Qdoba salsa down your throat all your guts are going to see is a boatload of potassium and vitamin A/C!

also this isn’t even some lifehack to trick your brain this is literally how food works, diet/ED and clean-eating culture has fucked us all up and made us believe that fruits and veggies only count if they’re pure, unadulterated & bland, and that by having them with “”“unhealthy”“” things like cheese and salt and bread (or even by blending them together to make them tasty) you’re negating every positive health effect they have - this is bullshit!!! salsa and guac are fruit and veg, and having well-seasoned extremely nutrition-filled veggie-bombs alongside other necessary parts of our diet like dairy fats and carbohydrates is how food is Supposed To Work!!!

I said the above like six years ago and I still get people fuming about it. I said there’s nutrition in everything and they cannot fucking stand that idea because their entire lifestyle is based on shunning things that taste good and feeling smug about it. Hate to say most of you health bozos out there did nothing but torture yourself for nothing.

Reblog to give your mutuals one of each 

When I was a kid, I was really enamored a handful of local radio stations--the DJs were hilarious and really nice and would play songs for you, but my favorite thing was this thing one of them did called the 5:20 Primal Scream.

Every day at 5:20 he would take a random caller and let them shriek their head off on the air. No opinions or venting or anything like that, just wordless screaming. Often these were people in traffic or just getting off work. And you got some really adorable people being all "YRAERGH" and then giggling and feeling better after

And I remember one guy who just went "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" for like half a minute and the DJ was like "holy crap you're like some kind of tornado siren". I think about that guy sometimes.

And I think about that DJ. I hope he's doing okay.

[ID: meme of Lisa Simpson looking satisfied and being poured a cup of coffee. Lisa is labeled “Me” and the coffee is labeled “Horror Movies and Spooky Shit.” The coffee itself is decorated with Halloween themed emojis such as ghosts, bones, moons, clowns, and devils.]

i love watching life hack videos so i am going to share my favorite genres of life hacks:

For me it was the spider people

Badgers and coyotes hunt together. It's a thing. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service explains that “studies have shown that this unusual relationship is beneficial for both species. The coyote can chase down prey if it runs and the badger can dig after prey if it heads underground into its burrow systems.”

Hanging out with your bestie

the fact that at the council of elrond glorfindel is like “just throw the ring into the ocean” is so funny to me after reading the silmarillion just because it feels like the subtext is him being like “yeah let’s try maglor’s patented and tested method: Just Yeet The Accursed Fucking Thing Into The Water”

#in fairness they do do literally the other fëanorion approved method of magical item disposal #glorfindel: we could do like maglor and throw it in the ocean? #elrond: no we’re doing like maedhros and jumping into a volcano via @lesbianlanval

*at the council of Elrond*

Elrond: Alright, everyone listen up. We elves have 4 methods of dealing with Accursed Fucking Objects™, as demonstrated by my four parents. 

Number 1, the Elwing Method or Mom Method. This is to hide the accursed fucking thing away and keep it safe and close. This is highly not reccommended if the object can take over its user like the ring can, and Sauron will be searching for it, so this method is out of the question. 

Number 2, the Earendil Method or the Dad #1 Method. This is, send the accursed fucking thing across the sea or to some higher power. According to Mithrandir, the Valar will not take it and Tom Bombadil wants nothing to do with it, so this is also out of the question. 

Number 3 is the Maglor Method, or Dad #2 Method. This is to yeet the accursed fucking thing into the ocean. In this case, it is not a good idea as Ulmo will be very upset and we will still have to contend with Sauron. 

The last method is the Maedhros Method or the Dad #3 Method. This method is to yeet yourself into a volcano while holding the accursed fucking thing, and also the method we will be using. You will not have to yeet yourself into the volcano, only the ring, don’t worry, Frodo.

Those…those really are the four methods aren’t they?

@procrastinationonvacation how dare you hide this in the tags

i don’t understand shark movies i mean just get out of the water

You just HAD to go and say something, huh?

Some of these look like they’re from a ps2 game