Petey Piranha's Odd Voyage
(Note: Petey’s unintelligible noises have been translated for your convenience.)
(Out in the ocean, a ship is sailing. Petey Piranha, the captain of the ship, is writing something in his journal.)
Captain Petey: (Captain’s log, Day 32. I question the ability of this ship to flawlessly steer herself without the need of a wheel. But nevertheless, we grow ever closer to reaching the Promised Land. As I write this, however, I realise that my handwriting is completely incomprehensible.)
(He stares down at his “handwriting”, literally nothing more than squiggly lines drawn haphazardly across both pages.)
Captain Petey: (This is bullsh*t!)
(He tosses the book as hard as he can. It explodes just offscreen.)
(One of his crewmates trots up to him.)
First Mate Game and Watch: Captain, we have reached the island.
Captain Petey: (Why do you insist on fabricating these fibs? I do not see a single inch of land within our vicinity.)
First Mate Game and Watch: I saw it with my own two lack of eyeballs! Take a gander through the spyglass.
(The Captain takes a look.)
Captain Petey: (That is a cardboard box! You are an absolute dipstick in every sense of the word, and I cannot fathom how you made such a mistake.)
First Mate Game and Watch: …I was looking through the wrong end of the telescope.
(Captain Petey punts the incompetent First Mate into the sun.)
Captain Petey: (…I could use a really big swig.)
(As he takes out a bottle to chug from, *CRASH!* Thunder and lightning! A grey fog descends upon the ship as Captain Petey goes to investigate. Another ship looms out of the fog for dramatic effect.)
Captain Petey: (It can’t be!)
(But it could! As the rest of the crew gather around their captain, the fog clears to reveal several familiar crocodilian figures aboard the other ship.)
Kaptain K. Rool: Hit it, boys!
(The Kremling on his left activates the boombox on his shoulder, playing an extremely bass-boosted version of Gangplank Galleon. Krusha, on his right, pulls out a realistic minigun and fires upon the other ship. Captain Petey and his crew duck for cover.)
Captain Petey, to Shipwright Shulk: (Activate the emergency thrusters!)
(Shulk pulls out a remote and presses the large button. The ship then grows rocket thrusters and blasts off from the water. Captain Petey and his crew scream as they hang on for dear life. Eventually, the ship reaches low orbit, then plummets down to Earth. Somehow, without burning up, she crashes back down to sea, completely unharmed.)
(Captain Petey hesitates, then takes a really big swig from his bottle. As he empties the bottle, Crewmate Toon Link walks up to him.)
Crewmate Toon Link: How do we do it, Captain? How do we defeat the Kremling menace? And more importantly, why did you choose to install cannons on this ship without actually bringing any cannonballs?
(Before Captain Petey can consider smashing his bottle against this impudent child’s head…)
Crewmate Meggy: Captain! I’ve spotted the island close by!
(There it is! Without a second thought, the ship speeds off like a motorbike to her destination. Before Captain Petey can celebrate his victory, however…)
(The ship comes to an abrupt stop.)
Captain Petey: (Who dares?!)
(The crew peeks over the edge. The obstruction that stopped the ship in her tracks is nothing more than a small raft, manned by a tiny Mii dressed as a sailor.)
Captain Petey: (…AAAHAHAHAH!)
(The sight is so hilarious, the crew can’t help but laugh! But before Shipwright Shulk can wipe his tears, a cannonball bigger than a man crashes down on top of his head, leaving a massive hole in the deck. The rest of the crew stop laughing and stare in shock.)
(The Mii Sailor puts away her shoulder-mounted cannon and speeds off towards the island.)
Captain Petey: (I shan’t let this journey be all for naught! Activate the thrusters!)
Shipwright Shulk, from within the hole: But Captain-!
Captain Petey: (DO IT!)
(Shulk does as he’s told. The ship rockets off at full speed once again. Meanwhile, the Mii Sailor gets off her raft and continues the journey on foot, Captain Petey in pursuit. However, the sight in front of them causes them to stop dead in their tracks.)
“…Interior crocodile alligator
I drive a Chevrolet movie theatre…”
(The Kremlings have reached the treasure first! Kaptain K. Rool cuts his own celebration short, and Forward Smashes Krusha away to face the intruders. The music stops.)
Captain Petey: (I highly question the feasibility of this situation.)
Kaptain K. Rool: This is my gold! I found it fair and square! So make like a tree, and BACK OFF!
Captain Petey: (That joke is only funny when I do it!)
(The captain and kaptain square off. Kaptain K. Rool brandishes his minigun. Before he can do anything, however, the Mii Sailor slaps the weapon out of his hands, knocking it into the ocean. A valiant effort, if futile. K. Rool Forward Smashes her into orbit. He then readies his boxing gloves.)
Kaptain Krusha K. Rool: Compared to me, even without firearms, you are just a CROC of shit!
Captain Petey: (That’s what YOU think. Watch this!)
(He charges up a Forward Smash of his own… and smacks K. Rool with his leaf. It barely scratches the croc’s thick hide.)
Kaptain Krusha K. Rool: …
(He responds with a punch of his own, knocking Petey onto his back.)
Kaptain Krusha K. Rool: Time to return you to the dirt, plant boy!
(He charges up his Forward Smash to the max. Before he can make good on his word, however…)
(He is squished into a FLAT FUCK!)
(The Mii Sailor is standing above him, holding her raft atop her head. Captain Petey joins her at the side.)
Captain Petey: (…We win!)
(Both he and the Mii Sailor jump up in joy as a victory fanfare plays.)