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FUCKING RECIPES

@fuckingrecipes / fuckingrecipes.tumblr.com

You asshats are talented and majestic warriors, and don't you ever forget it. Conquer the world. You have the potential.

Food history has been so sanitized by the demonization of carbs. “Our ancestors only had fruits and veggies they didn’t have all these refined carbs” our ancestors drank beer 25/8 because the water was bad. Our ancestors drizzled honey on shit ever since we knew it existed. We’ve been making bread for our entire recorded history. It’s true that bleached sugars specifically are a new thing but high glycemic carbs are not new at all, we’ve been consuming them for thousands of years

Quick correction bc I see this myth everywhere.

People drank beer & fruit wine 25/8 because it was high in calories and also tasty and pretty cheap/easy to make in bulk.

IT WAS NOT USED TO REPLACE OR SANITIZE WATER! THEIR WATER WAS NOT BAD!

The alcohol content in beer/wine back then was too low to actually sanitize anything effectively, and beer/wine only lasts for 6 months (usually less) even while still sealed in a cask, due to oxidization. Oxidation turns fermented liquids into vinegar. Wine and beer wasn’t meant for long-term storage.

This is great, because vinegar is the great preserver! VINEGAR is what people used to store their foods long-term, along with SALT and DRYING and SMOKING.

“Pickling” can be done with pure vinegar if you don’t have any expensive salt around, and vinegar can be made by fermenting any fruit or grain with wild yeast! If you’re lucky, you can also get wine/beer treats out of it on the way.

Circling back around: beer/wine was NEVER a replacement for water. Humans have been drinking from ground springs, wells, rainwater, and clear running water since our ape ancestors got the instinct to avoid stagnant pools.

If you didn’t have immediate access to a source of clean water, you didn’t fucking build a town there!

That’s a big reason why, WORLDWIDE, settlements are ALL historically clustered around sources of water like springs, wells, and rivers. (Or utilized rainwater catchment & storage) And why “the town well is poisoned/dried up!” Is a huge and terrible thing that comes up in a ton of old stories. Losing your source of freshwater means everyone has to move somewhere else, or die.

Even in huge cities, you’d be surprised at how sophisticated freshwater delivery systems were in the middle-ages. London had the “great conduit.” - a man-made, underground channel that moved water directly from a freshwater spring to fill a water tank in the Cheapside marketplace, accessible to the public. This conduit was built in 1245.

Mesopotamians in the BRONZE AGE built clay pipes for sewage removal, and other pipes for rain water collection, and wells. In 4,000 BC.

Building Aqueducts to move spring water into towns was first attributed to the Minoans, who lived in 2,000 BC.

Sanskrit texts from 2,000 BC also detail how to purify water you’re not sure about: expose it to Sunlight, filter it through Charcoal, dip a piece of copper in it at least 7 times, and filter it again. (UV treatment kills bacteria, Charcoal catches many poisons and heavy metal, copper is also antibacterial) <- even if they didn’t know what germs were, prehistoric humans were great at recognizing patterns, and noticing when people DIDNT die.

Persians in 700 BC used ‘qanat’, or tunnels dug into hillsides to let gravity move (CLEAN!) groundwater to nearby towns + for agriculture irrigation. Qanats were still the main water supply for the entire Iranian capitol city until about 1933.

The Roman Empire (312 BC) also built aqueducts to move spring and groundwater across miles and miles.

The Incas (1450) built wondrous examples of hydraulic engineering. Their “stairway of fountains” supplied the entire city of Machu Picchu with fresh spring water from a pair of rain-fed springs atop the mountain. The fountain canals could carry about 80 gallons a minute.

Getting clean drinking water was just not an issue for normal people in MOST long-term settlements. They may not understand germ theory, but they knew clean water was important and would kick up a BIG fuss if those water sources were sabotaged.

In conclusion: people absolutely drank beer and wine with breakfast. They also drank water. It was not a replacement.

You boil the water as part of making beer. Ergo the beer was safer than the unboiled water they were drinking

You boil the water as part of making beer. Ergo the beer was safer than the unboiled water they were drinking 

same reason peopple drink tea.

Nope, not how that works.

If you leave an open glass of clean water out, and an open glass of pasta water that was previously boiled… guess which glass will grow the largest thriving ecosystem of bacteria overnight! (Hint: not the water.)

The amount of sanitation and careful storage needed to keep water at a safe drinkable state is a MUCH lower hurdle compared to medieval beer. The weak beers we’re talking about (Europe from 1066 to 1485) would turn into vinegar from air exposure, and readily grows lush bacteria cultures. Storage in a cask was fine for some weeks, but again: not a drink you store long-term. It’s not very shelf stable! Nowhere near water. Not even in the same ballpark as water.

Boiling as part of beer making was historically a step used to change the flavor - not to sanitize.

Ale in 13th century England did not have any boiling step. Ale (no hops) is traditionally made without boiling, even today, throughout Northern Europe. Sahti, Berliner Weisse, and many farmhouse ales are made without boiling. You just start with clean water. Like from a spring. Or your well. Ale was served fresh (in 1446 Worcestershire, there were laws forbidding the sale of ale older than 4 days.)

In the Middle Ages in Europe, home brewers would boil some water with the Mash, but boiling the rest of the water was not seen as necessary. The heat was to pull sugars from the grain and change the flavor. You used drinkable water to make beer anyway.

A second boiling of beer after the fermentation is finished - that’s a very regional choice for brewers, not a universal step in the process.

Hops weren’t cultivated in England until the end of the 15th century, but many cultures used various bitter herbs (like burdock root, dandelion, marigold, etc.) to add similar flavors. Hops and some other bitter plants conveniently had mild antibacterial properties, so after that beer became easier to store in casks.

In the Old Kingdom of Egypt, beer was made by putting loaves of bread into water, capping the jar and letting it ferment in a warm place. Not boiled.

Additionally, boiling is NOT DONE with wine, because the yeast on the fruit was an important part of fermentation. Boiling it would stop the fermentation process. You start w drinkable water, put it in the mashed up fruit, and let the fungus yeast go wild.

—-

With tea, you boil the water right before drinking it.

With medieval european ale, beer and wine… even if you did boil the water first (which they usually didn’t) you’re then introducing fungus back into it, and creating a tasty nutrient slurry that bacteria (and yeast!) LOVE. Because that’s how you make fermented beverages.

If your well went bad (because, for instance, you’re in 1865 London dumping raw sewage in the nearby river and germs can travel thru groundwater for short distances), yes - people would drink any stored + bottled liquids they could to survive. Stored water, stored ale, juice from fruits, milk from cows and goats, anything liquid to survive.

However, that was not the NORM.

Instances where that happened were emergency states, not regular everyday life. They’re the exception, not the rule.

Tradesmen in medieval times who were found to pollute nearby rivers (like tanners) were issued steep fines.

Freshwater cisterns were very common in European towns.

In London, there were even water-carriers who would transport and deliver water to households.

Cities where population density such that MIGHT create an issue of polluting nearby water bodies with sewage was an infinitesimally small representation of the overall population of people spread across country towns drinking perfectly good spring water.

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Ka?!

love how he nonchalantly sets a fire extinguisher within reach before deep frying (good idea actually)

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I need to try those donuts, anyway.

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I absolutely adore B. Dylan Hollis. People in the comments are always amazed when he’s never heard of [random American/Midwestern dish] such as potato donuts, but there’s an answer for that! HE’S NOT AMERICAN. Dylan is from Bermuda and came to Wyoming (where he’s shooting his cooking videos) for school. He’s graduating soon and I hope he keeps making them if/when he leaves Wyoming.

so

we have this app called toogoodtogo where restaurants/cafes/bakeries/hotels and so on sell their leftovers for really cheap to reduce foodwaste

i got all of this for €4 from starbucks

bless

The America version is called FoodForAll

I love TooGoodToGo all of this sushi cost me £3.50 (the chinese food cost me £3.59)

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YOOOOOOO, they’re formalizing this?!?!

I used to do community service at a community breakfast, we’d go to the local Safeway and get all their stale bread, the local bakery for their stale baked goods and whatnot.

They throw away so much food it’s ridiculous, I’m glad someone finally created a program like this!

The American app isn’t available everywhere but if you’re broke in NY or Boston, check it out!

The US app logo currently looks like this and was last updated 3 weeks ago (as of January 25th 2020)

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TooGoodToGo is available in many European countries, including the UK, much of Scandinavia, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Poland, Italy and the Iberian peninsula. 

In Canada we have flash food, I dont know if it’s just confined to loblaw stores but you can get food that stores have to throw out for dirt cheap

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I know I reblogged this once already but I’m back to say there’s an Australian version!

YWaste has been around since 2017 apparently, so they’re quite well established if you’re Australian and in need of options

Food history has been so sanitized by the demonization of carbs. “Our ancestors only had fruits and veggies they didn’t have all these refined carbs” our ancestors drank beer 25/8 because the water was bad. Our ancestors drizzled honey on shit ever since we knew it existed. We’ve been making bread for our entire recorded history. It’s true that bleached sugars specifically are a new thing but high glycemic carbs are not new at all, we’ve been consuming them for thousands of years

Quick correction bc I see this myth everywhere.

People drank beer & fruit wine 25/8 because it was high in calories and also tasty and pretty cheap/easy to make in bulk.

IT WAS NOT USED TO REPLACE OR SANITIZE WATER! THEIR WATER WAS NOT BAD!

The alcohol content in beer/wine back then was too low to actually sanitize anything effectively, and beer/wine only lasts for 6 months (usually less) even while still sealed in a cask, due to oxidization. Oxidation turns fermented liquids into vinegar. Wine and beer wasn’t meant for long-term storage.

This is great, because vinegar is the great preserver! VINEGAR is what people used to store their foods long-term, along with SALT and DRYING and SMOKING.

“Pickling” can be done with pure vinegar if you don’t have any expensive salt around, and vinegar can be made by fermenting any fruit or grain with wild yeast! If you’re lucky, you can also get wine/beer treats out of it on the way.

Circling back around: beer/wine was NEVER a replacement for water. Humans have been drinking from ground springs, wells, rainwater, and clear running water since our ape ancestors got the instinct to avoid stagnant pools.

If you didn’t have immediate access to a source of clean water, you didn’t fucking build a town there!

That’s a big reason why, WORLDWIDE, settlements are ALL historically clustered around sources of water like springs, wells, and rivers. (Or utilized rainwater catchment & storage) And why “the town well is poisoned/dried up!” Is a huge and terrible thing that comes up in a ton of old stories. Losing your source of freshwater means everyone has to move somewhere else, or die.

Even in huge cities, you’d be surprised at how sophisticated freshwater delivery systems were in the middle-ages. London had the “great conduit.” - a man-made, underground channel that moved water directly from a freshwater spring to fill a water tank in the Cheapside marketplace, accessible to the public. This conduit was built in 1245.

Mesopotamians in the BRONZE AGE built clay pipes for sewage removal, and other pipes for rain water collection, and wells. In 4,000 BC.

Building Aqueducts to move spring water into towns was first attributed to the Minoans, who lived in 2,000 BC.

Sanskrit texts from 2,000 BC also detail how to purify water you’re not sure about: expose it to Sunlight, filter it through Charcoal, dip a piece of copper in it at least 7 times, and filter it again. (UV treatment kills bacteria, Charcoal catches many poisons and heavy metal, copper is also antibacterial) <- even if they didn’t know what germs were, prehistoric humans were great at recognizing patterns, and noticing when people DIDNT die.

Persians in 700 BC used ‘qanat’, or tunnels dug into hillsides to let gravity move (CLEAN!) groundwater to nearby towns + for agriculture irrigation. Qanats were still the main water supply for the entire Iranian capitol city until about 1933.

The Roman Empire (312 BC) also built aqueducts to move spring and groundwater across miles and miles.

The Incas (1450) built wondrous examples of hydraulic engineering. Their “stairway of fountains” supplied the entire city of Machu Picchu with fresh spring water from a pair of rain-fed springs atop the mountain. The fountain canals could carry about 80 gallons a minute.

Getting clean drinking water was just not an issue for normal people in MOST long-term settlements. They may not understand germ theory, but they knew clean water was important and would kick up a BIG fuss if those water sources were sabotaged.

In conclusion: people absolutely drank beer and wine with breakfast. They also drank water. It was not a replacement.

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good news! your stomach is super dumb! it can’t tell who chewed your food, and if you shove three cups of Qdoba salsa down your throat all your guts are going to see is a boatload of potassium and vitamin A/C!

also this isn’t even some lifehack to trick your brain this is literally how food works, diet/ED and clean-eating culture has fucked us all up and made us believe that fruits and veggies only count if they’re pure, unadulterated & bland, and that by having them with “”“unhealthy”“” things like cheese and salt and bread (or even by blending them together to make them tasty) you’re negating every positive health effect they have - this is bullshit!!! salsa and guac are fruit and veg, and having well-seasoned extremely nutrition-filled veggie-bombs alongside other necessary parts of our diet like dairy fats and carbohydrates is how food is Supposed To Work!!!

I grew up in citrus farming country, and had orange and lemon trees. And I saw a post today about how people in the US have gotten so used to everything being always availible that when they walk into a grocery store in January to buy a lemon, they expect the lemon to be there, and they never even consider how unnatural it is that we have lemons in January.

And this is so completely not the point of that post, which is why I'm making my own post, but this example really really bothers me, because as I said I grew up in citrus country, and citrus are winter fruits, and January is lemon season.

Which ultimately goes to prove the point of that post, that we are so used to this kind of constant availability, that most people don't even know what season is lemon season.

As a side note… I am really annoyed by one thing about Star Trek.

“Replicated food is not as good as real food.”

That’s ridiculous.  In Star Trek, replicator technology is part of the same tech tree as transporters.  Replicated food would be identical to the food it was based on, down to the subatomic level. 

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ravenclaw-burning

Proposal for a Watsonian explanation:

In a blind taste test, nobody, but nobody, can tell the actual difference between replicated food and “real” food. (Think back to our youth and the New Coke vs. Pepsi taste tests, only worse.) BUT, humans being What We Are, the human Starfleet members insist that “real” food is better than replicated food for reasons including, but certainly not limited to:

1. Hipsters have survived even into the 24th century. “No, you just can’t make good curry from a replicator! You gotta toast the spices yourself right before you cook it or it’s not the same, maaaaaan”

2. All military and para-military members everywhere always grouse and bitch about the food and sigh over What We Get Back Home. It could literally be the same replicator recipe you use at home when someone has to work late or just doesn’t feel like making the effort to cook, but people are people everywhere so they’re going to complain about it.

3. Humans tend to think we’re smarter than we actually are and we can totally tell when something is going on; as a result, human crew members insist they can “taste the difference” because their minds are making shit up, as our brains do.

4. One could presume that, generally speaking, a replicator recipe programmed into a starship or base replicator database would come out the same every time. This is perhaps the 24th century equivalent of mass catering. (I won’t try to account for the nuances of replicator tech that might allow for variances, and leave aside for the moment the fact that some people probably tinker with the standard “recipes” to suit their own taste.) The single thing that would be different in this case about “real” food is the variation, since of course the “real” dish will have slight variances every time due to the whims of the cook, the oven temperature fluctuation, freshness of ingredients, etc.. And since we are an easily bored species who really, really hates boredom, I bet people would jump all over that to lament the lack of “real” food when they’re out exploring strange new worlds and new civilizations and whatnot. (This is the only reason I can think of that might hold up to scrutiny.)

The Vulcans in Starfleet (and Data), of course, remain baffled by this human insistence that “replicator food isn’t as good as ‘real’ food”, as it defies all known forms of logic.

Hmm.  This is a fair point.  It occurs to me that I once met a Texan who commented that the chili in a restaurant I worked at was not as good as what they made in Texas, and when I pointed out that the cook was a Texan and the chili was his personal recipe, for which he had won awards in Texas, just said “Doesn’t matter.  Wasn’t made in Texas.”

I gotta be honest, Replicator technology is one of the things I am SUPREMELY jealous of, and I’m… okay, I’m not a great cook, but I can cook and there are several dishes I do very well.  I think if I had access to the technology I would cook a lot less, though, and I would for sure use replicated ingredients. 

1. It is not just hipsters that act like this about food. All the grandmothers I know feel this way too, and I don’t see that ever changing.

The missing ingredient is love, obviously. You can’t get that from a replicator.

Right, for that you need the holodeck.

Okay so, we’ve missed a few things that I think are relevant here: 

The replicator or replicator + holodeck combo can’t recreate the experience of cooking, nor can it recreate the experience of being cooked for. And that experience makes food taste better

Cooking is what makes us human. No other species on this wet rock cooks its food–only us. 

First: if you’re making lamb stew, or phở, or mole, or curry goat, you spend hours puttering around the house doing chores in a cozy sweater, periodically petting the cats and playing with the kids, waiting an anticipating the hour in which you get to eat the soup. All the while: your house smells like lamb stew, or phở, or mole, or curry goat. 

You get a tamale from the replicator: it’s pretty good. You wish it came with a green olive with the pit still in like the kind your abuela puts in her tamales. 

You get a tamale from the tamale lady on the way to work on a clear, crisp fall morning. It’s so hot from her steamer that it nearly burns your fingerprints off and it smells divine; you use all of your Spanish to tell her how good it is and how grateful you are that you pass her every day. On a whim, you buy 30 more tamales to share with the office; they’re still warm at lunch and they taste like friendship. 

You get a tamale from your abuela. It’s Christmas Eve, your entire family has spent the last seven hours making them, your tio Juan just busted out his tuba and it is definitely too hot outside for the fake snow  your baby cousins have started throwing at each other in between begging to open just one present and if you don’t hurry up you’re all going to be late for mass. 

The tamale tastes like home

You get a tamale from the replicator. Its neural network reviewed your order against every known tamale recipe and variety and decided that your addition of “green olive, pickled, pit in” was a mistake, and omitted it. 

Your tamale tastes like homesickness. You ball-up the corn husk and 

Second: The replicator is probably not accounting for regional variations in ingredients for its base foods. 

The ingredient library may have jalapeno, red; jalapeno, green, jalapeno, (color slider), (heat slider). It probably does not have: jalapeno, Hatch new mexico, USA, earth, sol system; or jalapeno north face Olympus Mons Mars, sol system. Replicator Parmesan is very likely a scan of a Parmesan and doesn’t duplicate regional variations between, say, a Parmesan from Mantua vs a Parmesan from Parma. 

Did your grandmother use san marzano tomatoes that were actually grown in san marzano in her red sauce (, canned, peeled, whole in juice)? Sucks to be you, the replicator scanned a hydroponically grown plum-type tomato which environment was carefully controlled for optimal nutritional value and “pretty good” taste. 

Is the replicator cilantro a kind bred or genetically engineered for maximum palatability across the broadest spectrum of individuals? Is it missing the gene that makes some people taste soap when they eat it? Is that gene the one that makes it taste good to you, so that the replicator chimichurri is always missing something, some particular specific type of freshness, a unique vegetal taste that you can’t put your finger on, and it’s not important enough to track down when you just like the chimichurri you make at home, from cilantro your grew yourself, much better? 

Third: The recipe database is probably sourced from hundreds of thousands of recipes written over centuries’ time – and then averaged using a combination of median and modal averaging to come up with something that’s Pretty OK to most people, but which is going to leave others wanting–no matter how much they tweak it. 

And then you have many, many people in a state of, “yes but I like my/mom’s/spouse’s/grandparent’s/aunt’s/uncle’s/best friends better”. And that’s OK.

I mean, really. Think about this for a minute.

Fourth:

You go to get a cup of tea from the replicator, because everything is terrible. You know in the darkest depths of your soul that everything will still be terrible with a good cuppa in your hands, but it will be terrible and you’ll have tea, which is a marked improvement. 

The replicator gives you a glass of brewed, iced sweet tea. 

It takes you three more tries to get a cup of hot earl grey. You decide you’ve finished pressing your luck with this positively infernal machine today and don’t even bother asking for a lemon wedge. 

If that doesn’t indicate that the replicators were programmed by an American, I don’t know what does. 

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holy shit boo this is fucking AMAZEBALLS and I miss the tamale ladies at Stone on the way to the Target so much right now but also you *hugs you tight*

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Also, regional recipes are calibrated to work with the local tap water. That’s why pizza from New York and sourdough from San Francisco taste better–the micro-organisms in the water enhance the flavor. The chili that wasn’t made in Texas probably did taste subtly different than it would’ve back home.

There are lots of things that would change with replicators because they take out the human factor.

Maybe you really wanted that one meal from that one restaurant except the restaurant doesn’t release their recipe so it’s slightly off and always will be.

You programmed the replicator with your mum’s favourite mac and cheese recipe, but you didn’t know that your mum always added a little more salt and a little less mustard than the recipe called for, so it’s just not the same and it’s not as good.

Pretty much this. Also I think we cannot overstate the degree to which “the food always comes out exactly the same” would end up bothering people over time.

Important point is that these are “military grade” food replicators and military food is never really great. Hence the difficulty with the tea. Food replicators in private homes and restaurants are more controllable and may have programming for varieties of chilies or tomatoes or even carrots. There are 4 basic kinds of carrots but only one is available commercially, the others need to be grown at home. With a programmable home replicator one can have chantenay carrots… all the infinite varieties of foodstuff ingredients will be available with the right programming and therefore civilians in the 24th century in star trek will have perfectly customisable food. My mind is boggled now…

For a real-world example, but in the other direction:

When I was a child, my mother used to make chili using “Carroll Shelby’s Texas Chili Mix.” It made… okay chili.

When I was in college I found a book called “Chili Madness” at a local used bookstore, that had the winning recipes from the National Chili Cookoff for the last 30 years. It included Carroll Shelby’s actual recipe. So I made it. (Had to get one of my apartment mates to source beer for me, as I was not of age to purchase it yet.)

Wow. What a difference. Adding the spices at different times rather than as a blob of “spice mix”. Beer instead of water. No masa. So good!

So the bagged mix would be the replicator mix in this scenario.

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fireheartedkaratepup

@subbyp you said what about the tap water?

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  • The microorganisms are different, if not missing.
  • The process of creating it is removed, along with all that entails: this spice left to simmer for the entire cooking time, that fresh leafy thing added in just at the end, a tiny bit heat-wilted.
  • The quality, not in terms of “is it good” but “what characteristics does it have,” the difference between grass-fed beef and corn-fed, mast-raised pork and commercial feed, how much sunshine did the animal get, what breed is it, how much exercise did it get.
  • What soil microbes mingled with the roots of that plant and what was planted next to it and how many rainy days did it get and how much sun? You have wine connoisseurs talking about how this or that year was “a good year” because of how the patterns of temperature and sun and rain hit the vines, and everybody has a memory of getting a really good batch of blueberries from the store ONCE and wishing they could all be like that.
  • When I was a kid we picked strawberries at you-pick fields that don’t seem to be around anymore, and they tasted so much better than anything I’ve ever gotten from a store.
  • One of the things that screws up my suspension of disbelief in Star Trek is how weirdly specific and intuitive the computers both are and aren’t, at the same time. Picard always has to say “Tea, Earl Grey, hot!” at the replicator so there’s obviously no means of personalization where the replicator knows if it’s Picard asking for tea, he wants it Earl Grey and you can just jump to that unless he specifies otherwise, but also that one time he was able to pull up the musical recording of HMS Pinafore on the working screen of a shuttle by pressing just two buttons, and there weren’t a whole lot of buttons on either screens, so what the fuck?
  • Anyway there’s probably a shitload of data storage in a Federation starship, but are they really going to fill it up with enough molecular data to store
  • every extant cultivar
  • of every food plant
  • at every stage of edible ripeness
  • prepared every way it’s commonly prepared
  • in combination with every other ingredient whose presence or absence affects its taste?
  • Plus every cut of every food animal
  • with all the variables of how it might have been raised, and then
  • with every variable of preparation?
  • If you bake bread it will taste differently based on how you let it rise, at what temperature, if you put it in the fridge overnight and then let it rise, if you use a starter or a pre-ferment, as well as what yeast you use and how you knead it and what flour and what water and the temperature and shape of the oven and the atmospheric pressure and humidity of the day and the altitude you’re doing your baking at and
  • that’s
  • ONE
  • type
  • of
  • food
  • and you can’t just reduce all that into “bread, artisan, sliced” or whatever
  • don’t get me started on the butter
  • or the absolute multitude of things that you could mean when you say you want “chili”
  • and even if you go into the Settings menu the first time you take a Starfleet posting and spend hours on end going into detail about what varieties of peppers should go into each of your favorite Mexican dishes and how much crispiness is The Correct Amount Of Crispiness in your bacon (and how thick it should be and how it should be smoked and seasoned) and how big and numerous you want the holes in your sandwich bread to be
  • you’re still gonna find yourself missing the taco truck and the tamale lady and that one bakery and the sort of fried rice you get when you throw six days’ worth of leftovers in plus whatever spices feel right at the time.

i always figured they’d have a gourmet chef produce a dish, scan the pattern, store the pattern in a database, and there you go. same dish every time, until the end of time. just have a masterclass chef who had this one dish they’re passionate about and have them make it.

but then you’ll run into the problem of ‘it’s a great dish but it ain’t what pappy used to make’. and that’s that.

look, you can get a gourmet chef to make you some artisanal mac n’ cheese, and it’d be great mac n’ cheese, stellar even. and the computer will even reproduce it indistinguishable from the masterclass chef’s creation- but sometimes the palette of the common folk don’t want the 12 layers of flavor in a masterclass chef’s fancy mac n’ cheese, you just want mac n’ cheese.

sometimes we do be wanting that uncultured stuff.

look, with all the minecraft builders of today, i highly doubt there isn’t some dedicated ensign or other, mucking around in the ship’s library, trying to reproduce a taste of home.

and they’ll probably frankenstein a pretty good approximation that they’ll be so proud of, they’ll have it served at their funeral.

forget that one time i saved a planet’s civilization from radiation poisoning, i finally got the mac n’ cheese right. and it’s just the generic box store mac n’ cheese with butter and cheddar.

fuck the gourmet chef’s 12 layers of flavor, some butter and cheddar? that’s where it’s at.

I don’t know shit about Star Trek but I can tell you:

As a child I loved the hard, crumbly, springy, salty feta cheese that was sold at the deli in Market Basket. (Tell me you’re from NE without telling me-) The deli clerk would pick up these great blocks of feta and put them in a plastic container full of brine. In the UK i was startled to learn that this is not Greek feta cheese, and that feta cheese is actually soft and sweet and sour and smeary, and I don’t like it at all. The closest thing to the experience, “my” “feta” cheese, is Apetina (sold as salad cheese - it isn’t legally feta) when cubed and sold in brine. And it isn’t it. I read pages trying to understand what Apetina is, and it isn’t Feta because it comes from Denmark, not a specific area of Greece, but that doesn’t explain why Market Basket feta and Apetina are both tasty and brittle and dry and briny, and Actual Real Feta is like failed chèvre. “The terrain on which the animals graze (in Greece) is very different from that of Denmark,” one website offered hopelessly. I don’t think a work cafeteria is prepared to deal with this, I really don’t.

Annie’s macaroni with white cheddar, in the purple box with the bunny on it. Smartfood popcorn. Smartfood popcorn! I crossed an ocean not realising I wouldn’t eat it again. People have, with the best of intentions, have heard my grief about this tried to tell me how to make Mac and cheese from scratch as if I don’t fucking know. This is not a bechamel, sir, this is not a roux-based sauce, this is white cheddar powder and if you don’t know then you don’t know. Operating under wild cravings, I bought a packet of UK-produced cheddar powder from apparently the only company in Europe that makes it - apparently as a protein supplement - and cannot explain what is wrong with it to my own family, let alone a computer. Let alone a catering company. Let alone a work canteen run by a catering company’s computer. “White cheddar popcorn,” you say, and it gives you popcorn covered in cold grated cheese. We can’t even reconcile this between friends on a planet let alone the vastness of all spacetime.

Those Maruchan creamy chicken ramen noodle packets - did you know they stopped existing? They never will again. Do you remember them enough to teach a computer?

When my husband moved to the US he just could not get sausage. He was astonished by American sausage: sweet breakfast sausage, fennel sausage, hot sausage - but could not get back bacon (“Canadian bacon?” “No, back bacon”) or sausages for a fry up. He found an English butcher in the USA that would ship the right kind on ice, and had a fry up and was happy. Now I think suddenly of hot sausage, Market Basket again with those twelve-packs of weirdly red sausage. If we can’t argue these distinctions with people then what can we do?

Did you know that Old El Paso spice mixes, those cheap “Mexican” ones, have the same names and packaging but the ingredients vary by country? Just like Coca-Cola, thought to be the universal American import, actually being made from the cheapest sugar source in the country of manufacture.

I don’t know anything about Star Trek. I am absolutely starving.

“Those Maruchan creamy chicken ramen noodle packets”

I CRACKED THE CODE LAST MONTH! I FUCKIN CRACKED IT

1 STANDARD CHICKEN FLAVOR PACKET

1 CUP HALF AND HALF

1 PINCH WHITE PEPPER - NOT BLACK PEPPER

1 PINCH ONION POWDER

1/2 TABLESPOON POWDERED PARMESAN

MIX TOGETHER WHILE RAMEN NOODLES ARE COOKING IN MICROWAVE IN WATER

ONCE NOODLES ARE NEARLY DONE, PUT CREAMY MIX ONTO NOODLES. ADD WATER. MICROWAVE AGAIN UNTIL HOT

ENJOY.

I can’t say it’s exactly the same bc my memory was never the best but it’s close enough that it gave me childhood flavor-based flashbacks,

So-

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The reason it’s called French Toast is absolutely ridiculous and I’m so mad rn about the story

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biggest-goofiest-fish

Okay so, Basically the story is that French toast was coined in 1724, by an illiterate innkeeper in Albany New York, Who was named Joseph French

IT’S named French Toast because when Joseph FRENCH STARTED SELLING IT the sign instead of saying French’s Toast- because he was illiterate- said French Toast.

And THAT IS WHY IT’S CALLED FRENCH TOAST AND NOT SOMETHING ELSE

Are you fucking kidding me

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biggest-goofiest-fish

I TOLD Y'ALL IT WAS RIDICULOUS

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We call it “pain perdu” in French; “lost bread”.

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This is German Chocolate Cake all over again

I luckily haven't had to deal with much chronic pain or hand pain yet, especially with regards to baking (crochet is another story). That said, these look like some pretty solid tips! There's also some in the comments section.

As this link nears five hundred notes, I'm just... very quietly touched at how many people are sharing it. Whether they need it themselves (or think they will someday), or know someone else who might need it, the fact that all of them are sharing the sentiment of "I want the people who love doing this thing to be able to keep doing the thing that they love" is... yeah. It makes me happy.

In any tomato based sauce, vodka, or any strong alcohol doesn't make the dish taste more like alcohol, it releases alcohol soluble elements from the tomato itself, making it taste sweeter, richer and more tomato than even just tomatoes themselves, this adds acidity, which is often tempered by the addition of dairy (usually heavy cream) a la vodka is not a delicate sauce, but any means, it's made with a full intention of every major ingredient hitting well above it's weight. And if you want it even better, try using a good botanical gin or a pepper vodka for even more intensity.

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

...how does it taste?

the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO₂ and H₂O over time. And carbonic acid is – as an acid – sour.

By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great™.

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

so at a used book store a couple months back i found an annotated copy of dracula, and now that dracula daily is a thing, i’ve finally gotten around to reading it.

they have the fuckign. chicken paprika recipe that knocked out our boy johnny.

now you too can upset your mild-mannered stomach so badly that you have fever dreams of a sexy haunted castle

Adult life tip.

Do not buy a cabbage unless you have one of the following:

1. A recipe that uses a whole cabbage

2. 200 recipes that use some cabbage

3. A desire to waste an entire half cabbage

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ok sorry to comment on a strangers post im not normally like this but this is insane. its not even hard to use a whole cabbage just make stir fry

Hey can you read back the first point for me

Stir fry isn’t a recipe it’s like… a style of cooking.

Do you have vegetable? Half a cabbage counts. Maybe you have a second vegetable in a can or perhaps a half frozen bag of vegetable somewhere.

Perhaps a protein? Egg maybe? Bean?

All big solids should be chopped onto bite-sized bits. The size of ur thumb or smaller.

Do you have a sauce, or things that could mix together to become a liquid sauce?

Get ur pan very hot. Put oil in it and let it get VERY hot too.

Ok all the solids go in the REALLY hot pan until it’s all hot and looks sorta cooked. This should take less than 5 minutes and be very noisy

Pour the sauce on and let the proteins get all the way cooked.

Dump it on your plate: Congrats u stir fried.

Stir fry is like… soup. Sure you can plan to make stir fry or soup but 99% of the time I make it because I have random scraps of edible tasty stuff from other recipes that need to be used, so I throw it all together and pour a few extra spices on it and apply heat.

Stir fry is anything that can be stirred together in a ripping hot pan for 5-10 minutes and then dumped on a plate.

Half a cabbage is very good at getting stir fried in my household. Even just cabbage on its own - stir fry it and pour on a random sauce I like. Bam, meal.

Want to get fancy? Cook a grain (rice, noodles, etc.) and dump your stir fry and sauce on a bed of Grain.

Maybe it’s tomato-garlic sauce left over from spaghetti night. Maybe it’s Alfredo cheese sauce, or some sort of wine-garlic-ginger thing. Maybe it’s just straight A1 steak sauce or the last dregs of pesto, or a pat of peanut butter with lime juice and soy sauce.

Follow your dreams.

If you have an ingredient or leftovers that needs to be cooked and consumed before it goes bad, stir fry always has your back.

cafern-deactivated20170327

@ people who were not born in Ireland and particularly Americans

- It is not Patty’s Day, it is Paddy’s Day. Patty is short for Patricia, Paddy is short for Pádraig which has been anglicised to Patrick. - It is not Gaelic, it is Irish. In Irish, the language is called Gaelige but that’s pronounced Gwayl-geh. - Literally no one in Ireland has ever eaten corned beef and cabbage - We have also never said top of the morning - If you pinch an Irish person for not wearing green on Paddy’s Day they’re likely to slap you. - Why do you dye your drinks green? - It is not “North Ireland” it is “Northern Ireland”. It is not “South Ireland” it is “The Republic of Ireland” or just “Ireland”. - No, I do not know the Dohertys of Mayo. - Please, if you must, do things for the craic and not the crack. Cocaine is not a great habit lads. - Drinks like the “Irish car bomb” and the “black & tan” are incredibly offensive (you wouldn’t drink a “9/11”)

However

- Wearing green is grand - Having a few drinks is also grand, they don’t even need to be Irish (I drink a Swedish cider most of the time) - Aye sure queue up some Irish music on youtube it’s great. - If you want one Irish word to use throughout the day a good one is Sláinte (pronounced slawn-sha) - it’s the equivalent of saying “cheers” before you drink!

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Please be respectful on Holidays like this! It’s great to join in and show your respect & appreciation for other cultures celebrations, but remember to actually do that! Have fun, but stay respectful to the culture and religion. 😊

Fun history of corned beef and cabbage.

Beef is cheap in America (lots of land, lots of cows, so there’s such a thing as cheap cuts). So a lot of immigrants who could never afford beef in their home country now had access to beef.

(Example spaghetti and meatballs is an Italian-American invention).

Now Americans hated immigrants (plenty stilldo sadly) and hated anyone who wasn’t Protestant so you had segregation. So in New York the Irish Catholic area was next to the Jewish area. There was solidarity between American Irish and American Jewish immigrants. So Irish-Immigrants bought corned-beef from Jewish butchers.

(In Ireland, you may eat bacon or lamb for St Patrick’s Day, but lamb was (and is) expensive in America, and Irish Immigrants got their meat from Kosher butchers - no bacon).

Brisket is a cut of meat from the front of the cow. It’s a very tough cut of meat. The salting process (it’s like soaked in salt for over a week) and cooking for hours and hours (it’s an all day stew) makes it tender.

So corned beef and cabbage is a dish that evolved out of affordable ingredients (tough cut of beef, cabbage and carrots and potatoes are dirt cheap) and proximity to Jewish immigrants.

St. Patrick’s Day Celebrations as we know them now (parades and the like) were started in America by Irish-American immigrants. Because WASP Americans (white, Anglo Saxon, Protestants) hated Catholics and hated the Irish.

And for all immigrants there was a big push to assimilate (give kids English sounding names, forget your language, become Protestant). But people don’t give up religion easily, names and language maybe, but not God.

So still today you have Irish Catholics, Italian Catholics, Mexican Catholics, etc and even Americans who aren’t practicing Catholic or aren’t religious may view being raised Catholic as part of a cultural identity linked to their heretage (the same way someone who doesn’t practice Judaism is still Jewish, some difference since Judaism is a hereditary religion, but for immigrants in a country that hates Catholics, being Catholic, having that tradition was and is part of being an outsider to American, part of an identity those in power hated and tried to erase).

So holding giant Irish pride parade celebrating the Catholic patron Saint of Ireland was sort of a “fuck you” to anti-Catholic anti-Irish sentiment. A “fuck you” to the idea that being an American meant erasing your traditions and history and pretending to be a White Anglo Saxon Protestant.

Look at us being proudly Irish and still Catholic. Obnoxiously, visibly Catholic and acting ways that the puritanical Protestants hate.

So what was a family religious Holiday became a big, visible celebration of heretage and homeland (a shared identity). And since it’s a celebration immigrants splurged by buying a big cut of beef (beef is cheaper in America, but immigrants did not have a lot of money and meat is still more than vegetables, so any cut of beef was still a special occasion thing) and supported their Jewish neighbors who ran the butcher’s shop.

(also, since it’s a St’s Feast, Lent restrictions on meat and drinking alcohol didn’t count, so eat a lot of meat and drink).

St Patrick’s Day in the US has its own history, heretage and ties to religion (and persecution for that religion). Traditions are tied to that history. So Corned Beef and Cabbage may not be a thing in Ireland but it’s a part of Irish-American tradition, history and culture.

What a lovely explanation of diaspora culture!

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elexania

This looks more like a how-to by @5triderofthenorth or @instructor144

One of the easiest and most gratifying restorations a person can do! About half my cast iron is salvaged, the rest was new.

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bethrogers

A great YouTube channel for cast iron cookware, restoring, collecting, cleaning & cooking, is Cast Iron Cookware.   The guy is incredible.  

is that the reason that these oldschool pans never have a wooden handle? So you can treat them in the oven like this without destroying part of them?

Yes, thats why. Also so you can cook food in them in the oven or on an open fire without damage.

Always wipe clean with a wet rag or sponge after cooking, minimize scrubbing, simmer water in the pan to soften really stuck bits. Then dry fully and put just a smidge of your oil/fat of choice on it before putting the pan away. And liberally re-season (the coating with oil/fat and baking at 400 part) as needed if you notice things sticking more!

These pans will last multiple lifetimes, as evidenced by the video above.

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This is always useful info. You never know when you’re going to come across a cast iron pot in need of a good home and some TLC.