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bros before poes

@flanoirbunny / flanoirbunny.tumblr.com

A Summary of Zelda Villain Motivations (In Game Release Order)

Ganon(dorf): I want total power and revenge upon the forces of good I'm eternally bound to
Nightmares: Nice island you got there Wind Fish... it'd be a shame if something happened to it...
Skull Kid: I'm so lonely :'( oh hey that's a cool mask over there, I should put it on
Vaati: I just want to be big and kidnap little girls lmao
Zant: I'm actually fucking insane okay???
Bellum: EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT
Malladus: I'm Ganon, but with a mustache
Ghirahim: I'm gonna revive my master, steal your girl, and be fucking FABULOUS while doing so
Yuga: Hijacked by Ganon??? NOT TODAY, FUCKOS
Cia: yeah okay war is great and all but have you SEEN Link's ASS!?!?
The Lady: Did anyone actually beat me or was the real villain Nintendo's shitty online service all along?
Astor: I'M IMPORTANT!! I SWEAR I'M IMPORTANT!!! pwease tell them I'm important Mister Cawamity Ganon ;m;

Turovero: The Celestial Tower Version 1.3 is now available for download!

Changelog for Version 1.3:

  • Fixed a bug on the final floor preventing the player from using a Warp Gem when they should be able to use it after completing certain trials.
  • Added another visual cue to a second floor sniper puzzle.
  • Fixed a variable error causing some of the key item pick-up dialogue to reset on the fourth floor.
  • Fixed the description of the Blessed Sallet so that it no longer refers to a chestplate. I know what a sallet is, I swear!
  • Disabled characters from taking rogue actions when inflicted with the “frozen” status in the fifth floor.
  • Made the auto-battle fight during a fifth floor cutscene “unlosable” - that is, the scene will continue even on the rare chance that the character falls in battle. The self-heal effect has also been buffed to make this less likely to occur.
  • Buffed Mana Siphon so that it might be a little more useful in the earlier floors.
  • Changed some of Viveca’s stats for her first battle for balance purposes.
  • Changed some of the fifth floor enemy’s stats for balance purposes.
  • Decreased damage output slightly for all enemy AOE attacks.
  • Fixed the Mind Shot skill, which had been given a 50% HIT rate rather than the appropriate status effect rate. The skill will hit at a normal rate now.
  • Moved a save point inside the last portion of the third floor to avoid an unintentional point of no return scenario.
  • Changed a small amount of dialogue to provide more salient hints for one of the seventh floor puzzles.
  • Added captions upon examining certain puzzle objects on the seventh floor for clarification.
  • Moved some objects in one of the eighth floor sidequests to avoid softlocks when interacting with them.
  • Fixed a bunch of bugs in the developer’s room:
  • Character dialogue will no longer display all three conversations at once; you’ll need to talk to the character again to trigger the next dialogue in the sequence.
  • A variable error with Leilia’s dialogue has been fixed.
  • An error where a cutscene picture will remain on screen in the art gallery after you exit has been fixed.
  • Added a small Easter Egg in the pub, contingent on… something. ;)
  • Fixed various message portrait errors.
  • Fixed various typos.

though let’s be real if you grew up as a bullied orphan in a dystopian future filled with violence and political unrest getting to be the god of your own pocket universe kind of sounds like a pretty sweet deal

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beating breath of the wild in under 40 minutes is an incredible feat and also fucking excellent in the context of the game. ganon spends 100 fucking years preparing this onslaught, building energy, getting ready to tear the world apart, and one elf twink wakes up butt-ass naked in a cave and legs it to the castle and kicks ganon’s ass apart in under an hour with a sword he found along the way

Just screeching obscenities as he sprints barefoot across a field of killer robots

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elegyofikana

Link?

yeah it was link

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link, after waking up not knowing anything but anger:

The current record is 27.5 minutes. Knowing that speedrunners skip the Great Plateau tower, this means that they don’t get the cutscene where Ganon and his Guardians awake until they reach Hyrule Castle. Ganon doesn’t even know Link is awake until Link is at his doorstep, which is about 16:50 into the run.

Less than three minutes later, Link kills the first of Ganon’s Blights with a single arrow and swiftly takes down the next three. Within five minutes of Ganon being face to face with his arch nemesis, he is killed.

Ganon had a total of 10 minutes and 40 seconds to stop Link.

Just screeching obscenities as he sprints barefoot across a field of killer robots

Ganon fucking wishes. Link comes flying in on a paraglider at like 80 mph just because he jumped off a bokoblin’s head. I can only imagine Link screaming “FUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUU” all the way (about 50 seconds in the run but 30 seconds without lag)

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He DOESN’T EVEN PARAGLIDE he literally just airsurfs over on a shield or some shit