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I'll fucking do it, darling

@elinaline / elinaline.tumblr.com

art tag is #my-art // icon by @breadstyx thank you so much 💜💜💜 // don't follow me from a porn main // pronouns are they/them if we're strangers

Hi ! I'm a physicist and I'm gonna be fucking insufferable about it :3 this is also my personal blog and venting place; I'm doing my best to not show too much bad faith but you cannot expect me to be a journalist or correct academic in my room when I'm writing shit. I'm just a person.

I have an art/stream blog @aniledotpng and a locked nsfw Twitter that you're gonna have to message me to maybe see

Here I'll be angry I'll be pining I'll be joking sometimes... Overall this blog is more journaling and talking to friends than anything. I don't take bad faith and I've stopped being nice to people who reblog my personal posts, learn to recognize boundaries without being guided like a baby 💜

If I notice you're a kid I'm gonna block you. Nothing against you, but as I said this blog is for journaling and there's pretty heavy stuff here that's too heavy for teenagers, it's already way too fucking heavy for me.

That being said here's a masterpost of the resources I've made, French stuff in bold

So anti monarchy posts can't be blazed but mlms are fine I guess ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

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The Queen

It’s all pretty strange.

I genuinely don’t care about the British royal family.  The UK needs to be a republic.  Because I don’t care, I can’t connect with people getting angry about them either because, they just do not matter to me.  I’ve ignored them as much as possible my whole life.

I’m also learning from people around the world about crimes of the British Empire- that I suspected in various ways but never had enough knowledge of because- no Empire teaches that to its own subjects.

The UK is experiencing pervasive non-stop propaganda, it’s unavoidable.  I tried to find out some information about Manchester airport to pick up my relatives yesterday and I had to get through a splash screen about the Queen just to get to the website.  It’s insane.

At the same time as I’m learning from other people, hearing their anger and what it all means for them, there’s also this weird thing going on with the nation that I’m not a part of.  This death has a big influence on the UK.  My parents have lived their entire lives with the Queen being head of state.  70 years.  She’s been head of state so long that it had this kind of feeling of permanence, that it would always be that way.  Like she wasn’t going to die.

It’s hard to explain what the monarchy is to British people, it will mean very different things to different British people but, it’s all very weird and this is another part of it.  When I was a little child in infants school, about 6 years old, I remember being taken by the school, all of us to the main road to wait for an hour to wave little flags while the Queen was driven past at 40mph.  I can still remember the black Rolls Royce, but I barely saw anything else.  I explained the story to my Dad recently and he sat there and said- he remembers doing exactly the same thing 60 years ago when he was a child.  That’s the depth we’re talking about- millions of very young children brainwashed their entire lives with the same thing, for decade after decade.  What do you call a nation scale cult?  A religion?

A friend and I talked months ago about how when the Queen dies, it will be a referendum on the royal family and this country becoming a republic.  Charles isn’t popular and nor should he be.  We expected a huge onslaught of propaganda, the last big huge attempt to save the monarchy vomited up from the British establishment- then, when it fades- people seriously asking the question that surely it’s time to look at getting rid of it.  Except, the Queen died one day after electing a dangerously stupid new Prime Minister with the whole country on the edge of widespread disaster.

The UK government is being suspended for another 2 weeks, but it’s already been in suspension for months while the country slides into an abyss.  All around Europe countries had their emergency sessions and already made emergency budgets in preparation for a winter crisis (of their own making).  Not in the UK.  Boris Johnson resigned but refused to leave office shutting everything down while he went on several holidays.  Everyone else has been holding their breath wondering how they’re going to survive into the next financial year.

The new leader Truss did her first speech saying she would cut taxes.  THE NEXT DAY she announced a plan to spend £150 billion on energy bills and told everyone she would explain the details tomorrow.

The day after they’ve said they’re going to implement the plans but not explain them, while they disappear for two weeks, meaning there may never be any scrutiny.  They’re going to tax every citizen in the country the £150 billion like another mortgage- and hand all the money to the private energy companies.  At the same time as Truss did her first speech it was quietly announced the largest donation to the Truss campaign was from BP.  Truss used to work for Shell.

The people in Truss’s cabinet are hardcore right-wing neoliberal ideologues who literally wrote a book on how to completely sellout the country.  The reason I was on the Manchester Airport website in the first place is that it’s a private airport, the government sold it.  You have to pay £5 for 5 minutes to drop anyone off, it’s £6 for 30 minutes to pick anyone up.  The airport is understaffed to increase profits, uses robots at passport control that often don’t work, which increases delays which makes them more money in both the car parks and offering things like fast track lanes in passport control- pay £5 to get through quicker.  My uncle was delayed an hour in passport control, because I’d planned ahead, I was waiting several miles away with all the other taxi drivers and people on a surrounding housing estate otherwise it would have cost me £20- for the delay, caused by the airport in the first place.

Why was I picking them up from the airport by car?  UK rail strikes- the trains, tracks and services are privatised.

Copy and paste this across public life- road tolls, fully privatised healthcare, no employment rights or protections, no housing rights or protections.  All the things we have to look forward to under new leadership.

EU flags at half mast- unelected anti-democratic ideologues recognise their own.

So The Queen, something that has been there my whole life, my parents whole life and is a huge part of British identity- isn’t there anymore.  The money needs to change, flags, signage, plus international flags, signage, currency…

Meanwhile it’s all being used as a massive distraction to screw everyone over.  Also at the same time the event does mean something to a lot of people in this country.  Most of them are brainwashed of course but lots of them are just normal people who see a person who they thought was a nice woman and they are sad about the death of a complete stranger they felt connected to.  I remember the same kind of hysteria over the death of Princess Diana.  Diana never really did much, at all.  But she was built into a Mother Teresa figure who was portrayed as a saint.  Ironic perhaps, because Mother Teresa wasn’t exactly who she was portrayed as either.

The Queen of England was the figurehead of an extremely evil Empire, but, she did that job very well.  And that’s the powerful contradiction that is hard to articulate.  To her victims she’s evil incarnate.  To lots of British people she’s this weird supreme civil servant who never did any wrong, was always dependable, always discreet, noble, consistent- a paradigm of virtue.  She was there but not there, like a benevolent demigod that’s been alive so long it seemed like she wouldn’t die.

And it’s just impossible to reckon with all these contradictions simultaneously right now.  Especially for me because I don’t connect to any of it emotionally.

I want the monarchy to end.  But hating people as part of that really means nothing to me.  At the same time this is only my perspective, and it has nothing to do with all the voices I hear from all over the world who have righteous anger.

It’s a global event, a truly global deep historical event because the Queen echos back into history directly to the British Empire, nobody else does.  Nothing else like this does.

Lots of people might ask- why should they care?  Well I agree to that sentiment.  What I do worry about is that Liz Truss is genuinely reckless in a very real way- she is arrogant and no has no idea how stupid she is.  Aggressive, with no comprehension of danger- like a true idiot, blundering in making threats at people as if the UK has any real power in the world whatsoever.  It all adds to a hostile global environment already on the brink of war in many places.  

Well, so what?  Why should people care?  Because the UK often obfuscates and enables US NATO aggression.  Boris Johnson was the one who went to Ukraine and stopped peace negotiations.  If he hadn’t, we might have avoided the whole crisis that’s coming this winter.

The first foreign leader to speak to the newly elected Liz Truss was Volodymyr Zelenskyy.  That doesn’t bode well.

not to be an edgelord but sometimes i see tags like this and i wonder if i’m some kind of fucked up joker guy. like this is for real and not a bit? the hunger games was too dark for y'all at 12-16? at the target audience age it was written for? seriously?

maybe i’m just being edgy or something but i think getting to read some fucked up murder shit as a kid is good for you and i think adults trying as hard as they can to keep that stuff as far away from kids as possible are lame

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This reminded me of one of the biggest ‘this book changed my life’ moments of my childhood, because like fez I was pretty into Jaqueline Wilson as a kid. 

For those of you who never read her work - and you really should - Wilson covers seriously heavy shit (divorce, mental health issues, homelessness, blended families, homeschooling, parents dying, the works) while still managing to stay pretty kid/YA appropriate. I devoured a lot of her stuff and, being a fairly advanced reader, one day stumbled across ‘The Illustrated Mum’ at the school library.

This is definitely one of her best works: a girl called Dolphin lives with her sister and her tattoo-loving single mother Marigold, whose struggles with untreated bipolar disorder means that more often than not both girls end up looking after her. The emotional crux of the book comes when, after her older sister moves in with her dad, Dolphin comes home to see her mother in the middle of a heartbreakingly-written breakdown, and makes the painful decision to call social services. 

It’s an incredibly good book - deep, dark, painful, gut-wrenching, damn near harrowing. And, considering most reviewers agree it’s suitable for ages 10 and up, possibly not something I should have been reading unsupervised at the age of 7.

I remember being horrified when Dolphin comes home to see that Marigold, convinced her tattoos are what’s stopping her from having a lasting relationship, has painted herself in white enamel paint and is disassociating naked in the bathtub. I was listening to one of my Mum’s CDs at the time and over, twenty years later, when I hear a particular song (Runaway by Cher, if anyone’s interested) I still remember how I felt when I read that chapter. After that scene I hid the book under my bed, I cried, I couldn’t bear the thought of reading any further.

And you know what? I was fine. I wasn’t traumatised for life. I told my parents about it, and my dad read the book and wrote me a long, lovely letter about how Marigold was a good person who just needed help, that Dolphin shouldn’t have had to look after her mum when she was only a kid herself, that the two girls deserved a stable home life. We talked a lot about people who struggled with mental health issues (this was in the 90s before it was cool) and kids who don’t get the stable home they need; my parents asked if I wanted to finish the book and I said yes. (Spoiler alert: Marigold gets the treatment she needs and is reunited with her daughters.)

Now, if my parents had known I was reading a book marked specifically for older kids and up, they would probably have tried to have an ongoing conversation with me as I was reading to make sure I understood everything and to see if I had any questions. (They would definitely have told me not to read it just before bed.) They might have told me not to read it for a couple of years - but certainly not to hold off beyond the target age. And the point stands, it was a dark book written for older kids, and reading it didn’t ruin my entire life - instead it opened my eyes to a reality that I had never been introduced to before.

And crucially, I was able to be introduced to that reality when my parents got involved in my reading material and, rather than censoring it, talked me through it and explained the hard stuff to me. I wonder if so many parents clutch their pearls about unsuitable reading material because they don’t actually want to be bothered talking with their kids about difficult topics.

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All of the above is a billion percentage points of truth but I also wanted to add -as the child who had the Traumatic Backstory it really did matter when I felt seen and not as though I was too tainted, too awful to actually exist which was a lot of the feeling(s) I had when hearing how ‘kids shouldn’t read’ because I lived it, I was those characters and didn’t that therefore make me too upsetting to exist? It was real. 

Some stories are hard, but life is much harder. And sometimes stories are the things that make life bearable.

Also, it’s important to remember that what a child sees in books like Hunger Games and what an adult sees are two very different things, AND THAT IS OKAY. To a kid a book can be about having their own agency and power in a bad situation, while to an adult that same book can be about the failures of adults to help children and how real adults need to do better to prevent such things. And that’s okay. That’s how books work. Everyone gets something a little different out of them.

I’m sorry but this is the funniest shit of all time. Trying to collect blackmail material about *checks notes* the sex life of a French politician? What will you leak to the French public next, what he had for lunch?

Friendly reminder that when the last French president was caught on a scooter to visit his mistress while IN OFFICE his popularity actually ROSE in the polls 

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Lol someone's reblogged my work post with the piece of a figure ?? Would be hilarious if someone recognized me at conference with that

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Idc about that one of someone recognized my science work from Tumblr it's pretty flattering and also honestly hilarious because how are they gonna leverage this against me without also hurting themself

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you've gotta have friends who are older than you, not because you're a dumb kid, but because you'll be terrified of growing up otherwise

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being the oldest person you allow yourself to know will eat holes in your brain and you'll start saying weird stuff

Lol someone's reblogged my work post with the piece of a figure ?? Would be hilarious if someone recognized me at conference with that

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OH NICE

I'm preparing my annual project review for my PhD and just compared my results to my very first samples and the difference can be explained with the theory I've been working on since May, love it when pieces fall into place so neatly

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Bonus rainbow because I'm leaving work satisfied for once

Ok but here's the thing an ouroboros has two dragons but Hyrule has three one for each goddess is that something is that anything which oh the sacred three is missing. Are we shown a beginning of the cycle or are we putting an end to it.

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it's called Tears of the Kingdom not just because of what happened 100 years prior to BotW but because of all of it, the whole cycle, starting with Demise and Hylia and going on and on and on through Link and Zelda and Ganon, the inescapability of fate, the unending weight of duty, the constant injury done to Hyrule and its people over thousands of years, the cannibalizing nature of destruction where the kingdom of Hyrule is ground zero and is so worn and weary of this cycle that the land itself is breaking down and crying