I haven't seen dancing pumpkin guy ONCE this year, are you guys okay?

FINE! I'll do it myself

Why did 12 people reblog this today??? IT IS ONLY AUGUST!!!

THIS IS TUMBLR

high school teachers: if you don’t show up with a dress and full makeup or a fitted tuxedo to class everyday to college your professors will execute you

college professors: 

I once had a professor SLAM a thermos down on his desk and say to us “there’s more pressure in my sinuses right now than there is at the bottom of the sea. This thing’s full of NyQuil. I’m going to drink it while I teach, and when your heads are replaced by swirling rainbows, I will cancel the rest of class.” The class ended up being 17 minutes long.

Your professor was trying to fight God

I was in a class in undergrad, fellow classmate walks in 20, maybe 30 minutes after class started and slightly out of breath. Professor gives a vague look of curiosity and the kid says “my bad. They set up a bouncy castle outside.” The Professor perks up “there’s a bouncy castle?! Class dismissed!” and straight up ran out of the room. It was a 10am class.

a little compilation

This dog I’m sitting grabbed an American flag out of someone’s front yard, shook it in his mouth like it was a prey animal, then carried it 10 feet before shitting on it

To be clear I have never been more proud of anyone or anything

Because I will never be able to eat lava… (I pause to look pleadingly at a volcanologist, they sternly, subtly shake their head no. It is clear this is an old, ongoing argument.) …. my prevailing theory is it has a texture of very thick honey.

Thank you @bowlofworms

hot girl throwing up in a dumpster outside the club

okay so decided to reverse image search and it's apparently a memorial to unborn babies lost during or immediately after pregnancy due to genetic defects (website says trisomy 18 specifically)

so as much as I love to make a joke on here, I'm going to retract my last comment and replace it with:

fuck you, that's absolutely ghoulish behavior to co-opt someone else's grief, strip it of context, and warp it's meaning to fit your personal beliefs i hope you die in a car fire

YOU FORGOT THE BEST PART

how did we end up in a social landscape where people will ask to buy your corpse but censor the word dead

unironically this

The cheaper the building looks the better the food

faded menu signs on the florescent backlighting are the equivalent of a black belt in martial arts

This just makes me think of Bozo's down in Pascagoula and now I need shrimp.

Moon dressed like Saturn ll Francisco Sojuel l Guatemala

She’s cosplaying

a really little animated black cat with giant eyes and no other discernible features

do you get it or do you not know anything

more examples that people keep getting upset with me for not adding

That’s just how black cats be

this rules

Yeah dude who do you think catches your freshly cut salmon

the bear catching your salmon

obsessed with this post because it forced me to pronounce “meatballs” in a way i never would have before. meæãt balls

I’m p

Yes I’m

Yes hmmms ow

Eh

Tnhk

Tumblr wouldn’t let me upload the video but I let the mice write a tumblr post for me and this is the result :^)

i thought that was just. a regular tumblr post and accepted it