Never Give a Dead Cat A Flamethrower

@deadcatwithaflamethrower / deadcatwithaflamethrower.tumblr.com

She/Her/They/Them Agender Queer Demipanpolysexual type. Writer, Artist, Activist, Disabled Survivalist of the American Dystopia.
Can be found on AO3 & SquidgeWorld under Flamethrower. Lurks in Star Wars, Harry Potter, and various fandoms. Writes original fic for spare change. For those following Re-Entry, there's a Wiki: http://reentry.wikia.com A Wiki for Awaken the Stars, my original fic series, is here: http://awaken-the-stars.wikia.com Ko-Fi at https://ko-fi.com/jerkeene All donations support the things that keep my family housed and fed, and are received with hope, gratitude, and love.

I hadn't seen your blog pop up in a bit and was concerned (and am also in the middle of High Holy Days preparation, so it was entirely possible that this was a What Is Time and Who Am I Again Situation) so I wanted to check on you. How are you? How are things? The fluffies and the podlings and the Mate?

In case you don't have any Jews in your life to tell you, may the coming New Year be blessed; may you be as happy as you have ever been; may life be as sweet as apples and honey; and may forgiveness flow as easily as wine.

And just to ensure I pass along another tiny blessing, here is a collage of Bert being His Very Best. ❤️

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*slowly bangs head on desk* I've actually been posting 5-7 times a day every day, for a while now after I finally realized how silent my Tumblr had gotten from dealing with too much chronic/degenerative illness bullshit at once.

Tumblr may not shadowban you on purpose, and it's supposed to be easy to fix if you tell them about it, but it's been over a month and THEY WON'T FIX IT.

@staff @support Seriously I’m begging you guys, please fix it.

I'm still here, guys. Just invisible half the time.

My name is Ashley and I’m putting this fundraiser together for a very special person in my life. Her name is Samantha and I’ve known her for 20 years just about. She needs help. She got into a car accident twice this week and the second time was brutal. Her car got totaled and she is in the hospital for some care. She is a single mom of 4 kids and no longer can work for 6 weeks to pay for food in the house or bills. Please help and donate if you can. She means the world to me and I hope we can get her a newer vehicle and help her with the kiddos. Thank you.

“@auressea​ to me: not sure if intended.  links posted from your pocket don't contain a url.. so we can't click through to your source.  I think this has happened more than once last couple of days.”

CRAP.

Kids, this is why it sucks to be shadowbanned...and why it sucks that Tumblr Support WILL NOT ANSWER ME ON ANY LEVEL TO FIX IT. It’s been over a month, and they won’t respond through Tumblr or Twitter. (Also, since the links work for me, I had no idea that links weren’t working for you guys. Sorry about that.)

Anonymous asked:

How come a badger would fuck up a coyote

you wouldn’t necessarily clock this from just looking at one, but all species of badger are basically just little fucked-up biological TANKS with hearts full of murder.

adorable murder.

to start with, badger skin is so tough that it can resist most attempts by other predators to bite through it, and is also very loose so that even if it’s grabbed by a larger creature, the badger can still turn around and bring its own claws and teeth into the situation!

which is very bad.

and on top of this, badgers are STUPID strong and ridiculously hardy- badgers can shrug off just about any injury that doesn’t kill them outright and will immediately seek retribution by attempting to open you up with those big ol claws like a can of beans being fed into an industrial shredder.

badgers can even 1v1 fucking BEARS and walk off without a scratch, they’re that op.

no, I was not kidding.

the coyote, a fragile creature built for speed and maneuverability, would stand NO chance if it tried to start shit with the badger, and they both know it.

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My favorite quote: “Badgers are what happens when evolution wants to make an alligator, but all it has to work with is a weasel”

Badgers can also outrun horses in a sprint. They give zero fucks and are just amazing critters.

We could have just let badgers have this planet, why didn’t we do that?

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the thing about make an alligator but used a weasel is that otters are weasels evolved for water and… they will 100% destroy an alligator

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I’m not done, actually, because they in the weaselle family and I can’t not.

 Badgers are in the weasel family right along with otters, mink, ermine, stoats, and honey badgers (tho, interestingly, the honey badger is not in fact a badger).

So firstly, to address the q in the op directly, let’s look at what happens when a coyote decides to tackle the much smaller cousin of the badger, a mink (skip to 30 seconds in)

okay, so, that mink idk which species it is off the top of my head but it weighs pretty close to two pounds. Three and a half pounds if it’s huge for a mink. An american badger averages 20 lbs. So imagine how the above would have gone if the mink was ten times larger. And twice as mean (and mink are already vicious).

I have seen footage of TWO large coyotes making a try for an american badger, and they even get him in their mouths from either end and try to tug-a-war him, but they can’t actually injure him much because his hide is too thick and loose. One coyote takes a strong hit and gives up and the other thinks about it for 20 seconds and in that time (i swear to all gods it only took literally 20 seconds on the video) that badger dug himself some damn fortifications: a tunnel in the icy dirt that he could retreat out of reach into, or threaten with  his teeth from the entrance while the rest of him was under cover. He stuck his head out and let the coyote realize his new position, then he came slowly out and stalked toward the coyote until the coyote’s nerve broke and it ran, and that badger scored one final bite on its ass.

Altho it is worth noting, in case anyone reading this was unaware, american badgers and coyotes have been observed in cooperative hunting, as in teaming up to hunt together, which I assume was the context of the implied exchange in the op.

I keep saying american badger because that’s what is pictured, and that is what is likely to interact with a coyote.

European badgers are like the very polite cousin of the american badger. The european badger lives in communal burrows where they dig a separate bathroom to use, and they eat a lot of earthworms and tubers and some lizards or whatever. Civilized.

American badgers live alone in burrows they’ve taken over by murdering and eating the previous occupant, and they eat literally anything they can bite enough times to kill. They will bury an entire cow carcass to save it for later.

Like, please do not mess with a european badger, they are still weasels and not to be trifled with, but oh my goodness what a demon the american badger is. 

And whatever ancient weasel evolved into the american badger also went up north and became the wolverine.

And if you want to know what a wolverine is like, you should know three things.

One: this is the live trap biologists use to tag and study wolverines. Only you don’t really trap a wolverine with this, more like inconvenience it; once set, biologists have to check it often. That’s because when a wolverine digs it digs in frozen earth and when it eats a goat or an elk, it eats all the bones, hooves and horns — their claws and teeth will just saw right through that wood.

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Two: They can dig into the frozen earth like I can dig in sand. They can climb a tree as fast as I can run. And they’re much better swimmers than I am. Btw I love climbing trees and I was on the competitive swim team in school. Oh, and while they can’t fly, they have been known to hunt and eat eagles. Nowhere is safe.

Three:

though it is extremely rare, wolverines have been observed killing both grizzly bears and adult moose.

they hunt alone or sometimes in pairs and are this size

which is terrifyingly large for a weasel, but SO small compared to moose and brown bears. And yet they can and will murder those animals. r. 

wolverine

american badger

I bring up the wolverine because, a case can be made that an american badger is to a wolverine what a coyote is to a grey wolf. And wolverines have been known to kill and eat wolves.

So yeah, badgers and coyotes actually make great hunting partners and sometimes cooperate, and otherwise tend to leave each other alone, but if it came down to a 1v1 coyote vs badger… either the coyote runs away or the badger takes it out.

Oh and, one very last important point

this is my dog, whose name is Badger, and who is the same general size and shape as a coyote

Do not fuck with badgers, because they don’t need ketchup to find you crunchy and delicious.

gilbert is the most realistic character in all of the sandman because fiddler’s green is a literal creation of dreams. he is a cosmic incomprehensible entity. and when given the choice of how he wanted his human form to look and act he went with THAT. fuck the corinthian wearing stylish clothes and being charming give me a grown ass man that looks like he’s constantly cosplay Sherlock Holmes

Okay NBC I'm listening

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ok tumblr algorithm, you win this one. 

I thought this on the very first DAY. Wasn’t this asshole supposed to abdicate in favor of William or something? Like, back when William was still a KID?