Learn Holidays Signs | Learn American Sign Language | Nyle DiMarco [x]
is it really ok to punch a nazi?
(watch the whole thing)
I just got a car and started driving again so I was thinking about some safety things for D/deaf/HoH drivers. One huge concern is the possibility of being pulled over and encountering the police.
I have a magnet similar to this on my car in case of that situation
I also keep a notepad and pen in my glove box with my insurance card and registration. I keep everything is in one place so I won’t have to reach around and look like i’m searching for “something”
—-
I also found this article with more information—
Too many deaf folks have been killed by police, already. Stay safe!
(Hearing people are encouraged to reblog)
this whole thing is way too good to be giffed you need to expirience it
There are so many things that are TOP quality about this. The business with the mic rope. The bounding across the stage like an excited puppy or a newsie. The Voice™️ that is so synonymous with John, you know, the voice of a guy who sells ice cream at the soda fountain in the 50’s. The analogy itself.
It’s all so beautiful, such peak humor and content.
Emmy Award Winning™️
I FOUND IT AGAIN.
Here’s the “horse loose in a hospital” bit. Good news, it has closed captioning.
Goat gives it all it’s got
cloudstreamer
goat: mwaahh
dude: aww, that’s so wimpy, come on, give it all you got! GO!
goat: mwaAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
dude: yeaaah
White person: Hey....... S-S-SoongWoon....?
SungWon: It-it’s SungWon.
White person: SangWing.
SungWon: SungWon. No G at the end. ..Or any of those other sounds.
White person: SingWan?
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: SoongWoo!
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: SoongWun!
SungWon: SungWon
White person: SongWong!
SungWon: SungWon.
White person: [long pause] Do you have an English name?
SungWon: Bitch! Okay, it’s like the two English words. [as if talking to a child] I sing, I sang, I have....?
White person: Sung...
SungWon: And then, the past tense of win is...?
White person: Won.
SungWon: Good! So combine them together you get..?
White person: SugeWin?!
SungWon: What is wrong with you??
officialkingofconeyisland
My favorite Shakespearean soliloquy
[captions]
Tiffany: “These little boys play with you [dramatic pause] and don’t deliver. Obviously. [clears throat] I gave all the signs, all the hints. I have to keep my… woman-ness. It’s a little boy that ain’t a man, cuz a man woulda jumped all over this. And had it. Left, right, sideways, and from BUH-hind.”
anxiety when the radio DJ talks too close to the song
“Am I the only one that gets a rush of adrenaline when the radio DJ cuts his dismount a little too close to the songs beginning? [audience laughs]
‘you’re listening to 94.1 the Patch FM. I’m Mike Sackler, ladies and we’re having the smoothest time here today. Let me just say real quick, I love my job. Let me say that one more time. I love my job.’
Then in the background you hear [hums beginning melody to fast car by Tracey Chapman] ...YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA THERE, MIKE! [audience laughs] TRACEY CHAPMAN’S NIPPIN AT YOUR HEELS, BUDDY! [more laughter]
‘We’ll be here all afternoon, here by the pool, I’m here with my son Yacob, we’re raising him bi. My wife’s here, she’s also named Yacob. [scattered laughter] I’ve been going to a lot of health food stores, you know where everyone’s bald but like, mindfully bald...’ [continues melody]
THAT IS THE FINAL ACOUSTIC WARNING SHOT THAT THE U.S.S. CHAPMAN IS GONNA FIRE, MIKE!
‘And every time you need me I’ll be right here on 94.7 the Patch, here’s Tracy Chapman’ [singing] ‘You got a fast car’
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHIT, MIKE! [audience laughs hysterically] You crazy son of a bitch!”
Merry Crisis
*voices in unison to the tune of O Christmas Tree/O Tannenbaum*
Oh ChrisChris Tree, Oh ChrisChris Tree, How lovely are your faces!
*with declining control and barely-suppressed laughter*
Covered in celebrities, Mostly actors and one former governor of New Jersey!
this…this is what i get angry and rant about when im super drunk
ok even though i don’t know drunk me very well, i feel like she stated this very eloquently
“As someone who has been in musical theatre since I was like, eight fucking years old, I can go ahead and tell you, that Troy and Gabriela can go to fucking hell with their acoustic ass bullshit versions… because! Sharpay and Ryan deserved those parts.
They tried, they sang, they danced! Troy and Gabriela can rot!”
[hysterical laughter off camera]
why would they ever delete this scene
Leslie: I am sneaking broccoli into the mac and cheese so the children don’t know that they’re eating vegetables. That’s what parenting is all about. Helping your children. Through lies.
Ben: Well, not just your children.
Leslie: ..Hm?
Ben: I’ve been sneaking vegetables into your waffles for years now. Since way before we were married.
Leslie: [dramatic pause] What??
Ben: Haven’t you ever wondered why your syrup had seeds in it?
Leslie: You said they were maple seeds.
Ben: Yeah! ...There’s no such thing!
Leslie: [dramatic pause] I have literally never been angrier at anyone in my life! Walk away, Wyatt!
Ben: [stutters]
Leslie: Walk away! Children attack your father!
Ben: [playfully dramatic] No! Noooooo!!
[children laugh excitedly]
“LEARN. TO SEASON. CHICKEN. Learn to season meat PROPER! Eh, [?] the giraffe is loose!
I went to a restaurant yesterday, on the menu I saw “chicken a la something.” If you put “a la something” after the word chicken, you are telling me that means the chicken tastes like something!
When the woman put the chicken in front of me, I bite it, and I ask the lady, ‘why is the chef seasoning people’s chicken with amnesia? Eh?’
Next time, take a paper and draw a chicken on it, eh? Because that is what this taste like. Even an envelope has flavor! Come on!
Two days ago, I had a stake. And when I taste it, I call the man back and say ‘Excuse me, when I ordered a stake I didn’t mean the one you use to stab a vampire!’
There is no reason your meat should taste like an apology. Eh? Culinary hyena. You’re wondering why your child is always asking to eat dinner at his friends house, even when his friend is not home. Jesus!”
“I’ve officially reached my breaking point with this, because I can’t even begin to express to you how many times weekly I legitimately almost plummet to my death. Because my lane is ending, and it’s time for me to merge over into another lane, and fucking Regina, in her charcoal grey Honda CRV doesn’t wanna fucking let me merge over.
First of all Regina, this isn’t a race. This isn’t a competition. We’re literally driving 45 miles an hour on I-240, and you’re concerned about me getting in front of you? It’s because my lane is ending, Regina. It’s because I don’t have anywhere else to go. Where would you suggest I drive? Off this cliff? Which is what’s going to happen if I don’t merge over into your lane?
Let me merge Regina! It’s not that hard! Just let me merge!”
Feinstein: You’re a big, powerful man. Why didn’t you [gestures pushing motion]?
Crews: Senator, as a black man in America [sigh]…
Feinstein: Say it as it is. I think it’s important.
Crews: …you only have a few shots at success. You only have a few chances to make yourself a viable member of the community. I’m from Flint, Michigan. I have seen many many young black men who were provoked into violence, and they were imprisoned, or they were killed, and they’re not here. My wife for years prepared me. She said, “If you ever get goaded, if you ever get prodded, if you ever have anyone try to push you into any kind of situation, don’t do it. Don’t be violent.” And she trained me. I’ll be honest with you it was the strength of my wife who trained me and told me, “If this situation happens, let’s leave.” And the training worked because I did not go into my first reaction, I grabbed her hand, we left, but the next day I went right to the agency. I have texts, I have phone conversations, and I said, “This is unacceptable!” And I told them how -you know- I almost got violent, but I didn’t. And I said, “What are you going to do about this predator that you have roaming your hallways?” And -you know- I was told, “We are going to do everything in our power. We are going to handle this Terry. You’re right. It is unacceptable.” And then they disappeared. Nothing happened.
Look at the faces of the black men behind him it says it all.
dicapito
This is real fucking infuriating. This shit isn’t funny. Fuck them and anyone who makes fun of Terry Crews speaking out and taking a stand.
This young girl uses “los,” “las” and the gender-neutral “les” — watch her explain why. —from REMEZCLA on twitter.
to all the cowards who whine “how will i explain it to my kids??” i say: how about you shut up and let your kids explain it to you.
punkconcert
John Mulaney, a true ADHD icon
“I normally don’t notice people. I zone out, constantly! Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes, I’ve been zoned out since 2014!
I just- all day long I wonder into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast. [scattered laugheter]
I can zone out anywhere! I was at the doctors office he was reading me the results of a blood test. It was important I listened! And I zoned out!
I was like, ‘Nah. I’m gonna stare at the wall, and think my thoughts.’ I was like, ‘Huh. None of the Beatles had mustaches..’ [audience laughs] ‘..and then one day, all of them had mustaches!’ [more laughter] ‘That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that.’
Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much, they want me to focus! And they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it.
This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS, [audience laughs] and then you take deep breath- I don’t. like. sitting. up. straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen!
If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet, with your elbow on your knee, while kinda looking at your phone... I’d be the Dalai Lama! [audience laughs] I don’t like sitting up straight.
So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best! [audience laughs] Yeah I mean, it’s fine! Let’s all try right now. Let’s all be in the moment in silence right now. [pauses for a fraction of a second] SUCKED right?! [more laughter] Not fun at all. That was boring!
You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theater in your brain! That plays fake arguments that you win! Ah! [audience laughs, light applause]
Have you ever just been sitting there, thinking about something for 20-25 minutes, and then all of a sudden you’re like ‘OH MY GOD I’m driving!’ and you remember [audience laughs] ‘I’m going SEVENTY FIVE. miles an HOUR! [audience laughs] I have been for a while! I could have changed so many lives!’ [more laughter]
Sometimes my wife- I have this wife- she’ll be like ‘Are you watching the road?’ And I’m always like ‘I am looking through the windshield.’ [audience laughs] ‘And I’m not gonna hit anyone. But no.’ [audience laughs] ‘I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks. Literally, I’ve never been this funny in my entire goddamn life
Magician: You ready for some magic, y’all?!
[suppressed laughter off camera]
Magician: I have three cards, one two three. First one’s a joker.
Recorder: Kay,
Magician: Second one’s a second joker.
Recorder: Okay.
Magician: Third one’s an ace!
Recorder: Okay.
Magician: Alright ace is on top. All you have to tell me is where is the ace. So I’m gonna take the ace, put it on the bottom. Where’s the ace?
Recorder: On the bottom?
Magician: [Flips card] Wrong! It’s the joker. So now, you may say “oh, it’s gotta be on top then.” [flips card] Nope! It’s another joker. So then you gotta say “oh, it’s gotta be in the middle.” [flips card] Nope, another joker!
[slightly more intense] So you gotta say “Well he’s lying, he doesn’t have an ace!” [flips card] [whispering] It’s right there!
[Intensity increases, recorder laughing] So now, forget about the ace, just forget- erase the ace from your mind!
[calmer] All you have to do is tell me where- where a joker is. So obviously one’s on top. [flips card] Nope, it’s an ace. So you’re saying “oh, well it’s gotta be in the middle. [flips card] Nope, another ace!
[intensity increases, begins stuttering] So-so you think “he’s gotta be- he’s gotta be lying! He’s got more than three cards, what an idiot!” No look, [lays out each card while counting] One. Two. Three! You owe me seven dollars now!
[Recorder laughing]
Magician: Okay! Now forget about everything I just said! All you have to do, I’m going to show you this card, and that card [lays out an ace and a joker on the table, holds up last card] what is this card?
Recorder: [through laughter] A joker?
Magician: WRONG, IT’S A KING OF DIAMONDS!
Recorder: [laughing hysterically] What do you mean?! Dude!
Magician: You gotta listen!