You're passing through Wonka's factory and through a doorway you see what is distinctly the body of Christ being fed into a big wacky machine
There's an oompa looma in a cardinal robe
slightly important life update:
i’ve been letting a 1930s italian american mobster guy take refuge with me after he fell through a time portal rift. for about a year now. he can’t go back to his time period because who knows what would happen. it sounds really sad but like he doesn’t have a family and he was in a gang so like. he’s okay with it and pretty amazed by iPhones he’s happy to be here. i’ve been giving him catch-up lessons in pop culture and trying to get him up-to-speed to absolve any bigotry. he was actually very cool about race stuff but he doesn’t like protestants at ALL. any other religion is fine though, he says “they got themselves a different God, bless their souls” which is kind of dicey but, for the circumstances, it’s fine
i told him he’s probably gonna have to catch up on all this lgbt shit and that i was gay and he was like “HEY! OH! WATCH IT PAL!” and called me an italian term i’d rather not repeat but he pretty quickly apologized because i think he thinks i own some sort of ray gun blaster thing. i’m not sure how much sci-fi a mob goon in new york in the thirties was exposed to so it’s hard to pinpoint his frame of reference for future shit
anyways, he’s been practicing typing on a desktop computer. he likes playing fruit ninja on iphone but that’s about as far as he gets with it. he’s been working out a lot and showing me how to do a workout called “jailbird curls” but it’s like, kinesthetically speaking, extremely inefficient and strenuous and definitely informed by the antiquated idea that the more a workout hurts the more you beef up. so like he’s coming around on modern society and he figured out how to zip files and so he zipped one and labeled it PRIVATE and doesn’t realize i can just read whatever .doc he saves there it’s a bit long but this was his most recent journal
2022 OH MARONE STOP
DA NEW CAPO GAVE ME SOME OF DAT EYEPI AYE BEER AND WE GOT FUCKIN BLOTTO AND COOLED FACEDOWN ON DA FLOOR SOMETHING FIERCE STOP
YOU PACK THAT MUCH HOOCH IN STATEN ISLAND BACK IN MY DAY THEY GONNA FRY YOU FOR IT STOP
DA NEW CAPO IS A BIT OF A YA KNOW IT STARTS WIT A FA AND RHYMES WITH BANOOK IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT BUT MAMA DIDNT RAISE NO INGRATE SOS I LISTENS TO HIM SEE STOP
HE SAYS TO ME HE SAYS DAT THESE DAYS FOLKS ARE MAKIN WHOOPE EVERY WHICHAWAY SOS HE GIVES ME DA LOWDOWN STOP
BROADS KNOCK BOOTS WIT BROADS STOP
GUYS MAKE IT WIT GUYS STOP
SOME GUYS EVEN MAKES IT WIT DOLLS AND FELLAS ALIKE STOP
SOME JANES USED TO BE A JOHN AND SOME JOHNS USED TO BE A JANE IF YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN LIKE WHAT I READ IN DA PAPER ABOUT THEM SOIGENS IN BERLIN STOP
DIS SOIGERY BUSINESS IS A MIRACLE THEY MAKE EM UP GOOD AS NEW REAL KEEN TOO I REMEMBER SOIGERY BACK IN MY DAY YOU GET CLIPPED WITH A TOMMY IN DA WOIM FUGGEDABOUT GOOD AS DEAD STOP
THESE DAYS DEY SET YA UP WITH A NEW ONE MADE OUT OF SKIN FROM YOUR GAMS I SHIT YOU NOT STOP
GUYS ARE GETTIN MARRIED TO OTHER GUYS AND NOWS I THINK ABOUT IT I COULDA PULLED ONE HELLUVA RACKET IN MARRIAGE COITIFICETS FOR ANY GOOMBAH WHO WANTED TO HITCH UP I SURE AS HELL DID WORSE STOP
so yeah it’s kind of unclear if he thinks this is like a private journal or telegrams both of which are kind of irresponsible forms of record keeping/correspondence for a mob guy but i gather he wasn’t that smart before he fell in the time portal either
I feel like I would shout this if being attacked by razor clams
Context: our monk just convinced the DM to give her a dagger that plays “mmm whatcha say” every time it hits.
DM: I regret this already.
Monk: No you don’t.
DM: No I don’t.
Sempach sword by Albion Swords, scabbard by Christian Fletcher. #sword #medievalsword https://www.instagram.com/p/BtMmiOpBryD/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ne65x6pp7dtm
Anonymous asked:
once a girl reported me to an administrator at school bc i was breaking dresscode and she didnt like me. so i pushed her down the stairs. i just kept walking and i dont think she saw me and i never got caught. i know she got very seriously injured and they had to call an ambulance and she transferred schools bc she knew SOMEONE pushed her and she didnt feel safe. ive never regretted it. its been years since i graduated and im on mood stabilizers now, but sometimes when someone is testing my patience i calm myself down by thinking about how good it felt to snap once and how i cant do that again bc i would go to prison probably
i forget about this post every time and every time it crosses my dash im just smacked with it again
Entrapta as a Horde evil scientist was valid actually because it was just the epitome of
sure, some other stuff was going on, but she was ecstatic about the amount of project material finally provided. You think She-ra was bankrolling her nefarious projects?? The Princess-system of government was entirely jock-based and barely supporting the arts or STEM fields
Entrapta was so starved for good funding she went to the exiled place of death and lost souls called Beast Island and was just like: oh neat, free field work opportunity
new thought experiment just dropped
Matt Walsh owned; I barely know who he is, heard the name before but can’t remember the guy’s deal, but damn, destroyed, I’m never listening to Matt Walsh unless he answers the gorilla-fellatio question.
Man, gorilla dicks are like an inch long. I’d barely even notice. Least intrusive Omelas prompt ever.
Okay I wasn’t thinking of that as the relevant attribute but sure.
Well I mean if it were an elephant dick or something it could very well be some Vlad the Impaler shit. Could literally kill me. Worthy sacrifice for the lives of all of humanity, but a sacrifice nonetheless.
Right; I’m not asking him to answer whether he’d sacrifice himself for humanity that way, let alone answer in the affirmative.
And I’m not even asking him to answer “yes” to whether he’d suck gorilla dick! Just, he should have an answer!
SCP object that sues you for libel if you write down anything in the documentation about it that hasn’t been proven in a court of law.
SCP object that allegedly sues you for libel if you write down anything in the documentation about it that hasn’t been proven in a court of law.
“We’ve got to get out of here right now.”
“What? Why? It’s just a mid-boss.”
“She’s a lot tougher than she looks.”
“How can you tell?”
“The violins are backwards.”
@newbieboy replied:
Give me source , I want to hear this backwards violinist
Reversed violins are a soundtrack motif that’s commonly employed to indicate that something has gone fucked up with time, reality, etc., or occasionally to communicate a sense of subtly off-kilter nostalgia. You’ve definitely heard them many times before, though you may not have recognised what you were hearing.
Here’s a brief clip of a violin recording being played back in reverse as an example:
(And of course, as the initial post alludes, in a video game context going up against a character who has reversed violins in their battle anthem – or, heaven forfend, in their leitmotif! – means you’re almost certainly about to get wrecked.)
crowleyraejepsen-is-retiring-de
you know since the cdc is now recommending we wear non-medical grade face masks, we might as well all bite the bullet and make plague masks to stuff with dried herbs that will keep out the miasma that carries the disease
Time Traveler: Wait so miasma is real? Us: No, but actually yes
it’s interesting to me that miasma theory was wrong but led to a lot of technically effective practices
wearing a plague doctor outfit that basically acts as a rudimentary hazmat suit? yeah, that might help somewhat
avoiding areas where an outbreak is rampant? probably a good idea, if unnecessarily broad sometimes
clean up waste to avoid a buildup of bad air? wrong reason; right thing to do
they were wrong, objectively wrong, about what caused disease, and even then the power of human observation was such that they still figured out some of the right behaviors to adopt
imagine what it must be like to do scholarship on the odyssey when your name is odysseus. big brain move like who is going to disagree w odysseus’ takes on the odyssey. nobody
of all the Spiderman universes we could’ve been born in, we were born in the one where he’s a fictional character